I Hate Winter

    

      I HATE winter, and I mean HATE, as in punch me in the face and wake me when it’s spring kind of HATE.  The snow, the cold weather gear, the 24/7 THO’s, it’s all a total pain in the ass.  I’d rather chill with the bears and hibernate right through the whole friggin’ season. So you can probably imagine then how thrilled I was yesterday morning to look out the window and see that white powdery crap covering every damn thing in sight.

     The first obstacle of the day came in the form of a furry little freakshow who was soooo mesmerized by his first taste of snow, that all he wanted to do was to play.  He didn’t seem to understand that I was standing there freezing my tatas off or that I had all kinds of shit to do inside.  He just wanted to run and jump and flip and flop and do everything under the moon BUT actually pee or poop.  I had to run him outside five flipping times before he finally put two and two together and realized that yes, he was supposed to drop a steaming loaf right there on top of all that white stuff.

     Then I had to deal with another obstacle that comes with kids and winter weather — the fifty layers of protective gear.  I swear getting the short people ready for school in the winter months is like getting them ready to go into battle.  It takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R to get all that stuff buttoned and snapped and zippered and velcroed.  (Have I mentioned that I HATE winter?)  We were clearly out of practice yesterday morning, because we were running even further behind than normal.  By the time we got all bundled up and raced out the door, all of the other neighborhood kids were WAY ahead of us on the walk to school.  

     You would think that my kids would’ve sensed the urgency in my voice that we needed to kick it into high gear and bust a move to school, but oh no.  They were way too busy making snowballs and chucking them at one another.  And this was obstacle number three in “Operation Get The Kids To School And Out Of My Freaking Hair.” After some serious bribing, a little bit of torture, and a whole lot of threatening, we picked up the pace and started making our way towards school.  We got about a block away from our house before my daughter decided to do a dive bomb right into the snow, thereby soaking her dress that she’d failed to tuck into her snow pants.  I felt the blood boiling in my veins as I made a silent promise to kick Mother Nature’s ass when I had a chance.  (Have I mentioned that I HATE winter?)  We rushed back to the house, switched out her dress and practically ran the rest of the way to school.  

     To think that I’ve got a good four or so months of this winter wickedness yet to go makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.  It was bad enough trying to juggle my kids and their messy boots, but now I’ve also got the dog and his messy paws to contend with.  Santa better be putting some extra patience in my stocking or at least a flask or ten of vodka if I’m gonna be able to stick it out for the long haul.  Have I mentioned that I truly HATE winter?

27 Responses

  1. i detest winter. with everything in me. and it doesn’t even snow here. when i lived in ohio, i REALLy hated it.

  2. Where’s that holiday spirit? Winter Wonderland? Guess you don’t want to make snow angels and go caroling later with us:)

    • Um, no. No snow angels for me. Standing around freezing my ass off while the dog tries to find just the exact right place to finally take a pee kind of leaves me w/a bitter taste for snow. You can carol a song or two for me. :-)

  3. I totally understand. I hate winter too! This is why I moved to FL!!!

  4. the gloves! you forgot the mention the gloves that vanish like socks! Whenever i’m ready to walk out the door. we have just one glove.

    • Oh, yes – we’ve gone through a billion pairs of mittens/gloves/hats. I made my son wear mismatched mittens last year cause he kept losing them (& they were even 2 left gloves! I’m so mean.) :-)

  5. I LOVE Winter! But I must admit I have NEVER had to deal with snow living in So Cal. I lived in Texas for 3 years and the few times it snowed I am certain does not even compare. And yet still…..I would trade places with you anytime….what say you? You come here for the winter and I shall go there…. :)

  6. You should move to GA. It only snows once in a blue moon here & you’d be a pro, while everyone else is freaking out & running to Kroger for milk & bread.

  7. I am RIGHT there with you, chica. I’m in Pittsburgh and we haven’t had any measurable snow yet, but the dreary cold that is looming for the next several months is blanketing me with dread. Is is May yet??

  8. I feel the same way about winter! Unfortunately, I live in NE :-(

    I chuckled at “THOs”- haven’t seen that term in ages!!

  9. A flask of vodka or ten…you are too funny!!

  10. Thank you for the good hearty laugh…I love you <3. Thank God when she is old enough to go to school, the bus stop is less than half a block from our house.

  11. OH GOD. I’m scared. I’m a west coast girl about to move to CT with three kids under 5. Forget it. I’m unpacking! But thanks to you I’ll be unpacking and laughing!

    Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
    http://www.MaWhats4Dinner.com

  12. When I opened your blog and saw that picture, I laughed my ass off. I can think of a few dumbasses that I’d love to do that to LOL I totally get how you feel. We’re getting our first snowstorm tomorrow and I don’t expect to get rid of that white shit before April……winter in Montreal……sigh…..

    • If I had some comical shoveling going on like the dude in that picture, maybe that would help to brighten up all the dreary winter days ahead of me. :-)

  13. So living in Chicago makes perfect sense! (sorry I couldn’t resist!)

  14. Hrmm that was weird, my comment got eaten. Anyway I needed to say that it’s nice to understand that somebody else additionally mentioned this as I had hassle finding the identical information elsewhere. This was the first place that told me the answer. Thanks.

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