** Summer break is the equivalent of a homefront civil war.
** August is a REALLY long way away.
** Babysitters make everything better.
** If I had a penis, it would be a “ginormous” one, according to my son anyway.
** BP sure must like the taste of feet in their mouth.
** It’s not easy to shit out Scotch tape. Just ask the dog.
** Sand & ass bombs are not a good combination.
** My life involves entirely too much shit (literally).
** Cheese fries may very well be the nastiest food on the planet — I can’t even look at them, much less ever eat ’em.
** Skin cancer has scared the living beejesus out of me.
** The lights in our basement playroom were on for 3 straight days, 24/7. Sorry, Mother Earth.
** Starbucks REALLY needs to start delivering to me first thing in the morning.
** Kids have WAY too much energy.
** Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, always goes wrong when the hubby has a business trip.
** My husband is going to bring me a fabulous present from Paris (did you hear that, Honey??!!)
** Sadly, smiling seems to have gone out of style.
** I should wear a fancier thong if I’m gonna flash a crowded street of cars.
** If you’re seven, swim evaluations are called “swim evacuations“.
** My personal assistant REALLY needs to come back from vacation. Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t HAVE a personal assistant.
** The kids’ bathroom was attacked by toothpaste.
** I believe I set a record number of “fucks” said within a seven-day period.
** There’s a mafia of mosquitoes out to get me.
** I cannot do it all.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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