Croc of Crap

07252008_crocs    My kids absolutely LOVE to wear their Crocs.  They are all about a shoe that they can just slip on their feet and run out the door.  And since we are ALWAYS late for everything, any time we can shave off the whole process of packing up to go somewhere is very much welcomed.  The kids aren’t allowed to wear them to school for safety reasons, so this summer, they have worn the absolute hell out of them.  

     When I first started buying Crocs for my kids, I made the stupid mistake of getting roped into buying those little doo-dads that go in the holes. Naturally, my kids wanted to be like all their friends and have their entire shoes covered with these decorative little pieces of crap.  At a $1.50 to $3.00 a pop, I must’ve spent a small fortune on doo-dads, only to have them fall out within a week and be lost forever.  I recall one time on the beach when my daughter lost her favorite doo-dad, and we were on hands and knees sifting through sand to try to find the freaking thing.  I’m pretty sure that was when I drew the line and professed to never buy doo-dads again.  Total waste of money!  

     My other complaint with Crocs is the way my kids’ feet look when they take them off after a long day at camp or even after just playing in the backyard.  They often look as if they’ve been using their feet as spatulas to make mud pancakes.  I’m talking toenails crammed with dirt and jet black heels that leave footprints wherever they walk.  I have seen other kids’ feet after wearing Crocs, and they aren’t even a fraction as dirty as my kids, which makes me wonder what in God’s name my children are doing in theirs!  People often gasp when my twins remove their shoes, and then I feel the need to explain that I really do bathe them!  We stopped by a friends’ house the other day (who just so happened to have WHITE carpeting), and my kids actually had to slip on socks over their dirt-caked feet in order to go inside. It was a little embarrassing, I must say.

     I have spent an endless amount of time scrubbing the aftermath of this oh-so-convenient style of footwear.  I often ask myself if these holey slip-ons are making my life easier or just more difficult.  Yes, it gets us out the door more quickly, but it also gives me yet another mess to clean up later on. And we all know how much I enjoy messes…<insert sarcasm>.

Oh, Snap!

     Since yesterday was yet another gorgeous day here, I took the kids over to the beach after school to meet some of their friends.  We live in the Great Lakes area and are very fortunate to have a huge, beautiful beach just five minutes from our house.  My out of town friends are always surprised when we take them to our beach because it truly is like a Florida beach.  We practically live at this beach in the summer because we are all secretly beach bums.  

     The outside temperature yesterday was a perfect eighty-five degrees, with nothing but sun and blue skies overhead.  The sand was even hot under your feet.  The water temperature, though, was quite another story.  It was flat-out, freaking C-O-L-D!!!!  The other moms and I wouldn’t even let our kids get in the water because it was so flipping chilly.  So, it was nothing short of an “Oh, snap!” moment when my daughter’s little friend’s favorite bucket got swept away and ended up about a half mile away from the shore.

     Now, in my head, I was thinking how much that sucks that the bucket was gone.  Even though the little girl was clearly upset, you couldn’t have paid me to drag my ass through that freezing water to fetch a damn plastic bucket.  This little girl’s mother, though, immediately whipped her skirt off and started out after the bucket.  I told her that she deserved the Mother of the Year award without a doubt — I mean, we’re talking about wading through fifty-five degree water in a bikini!  Unfortunately, though, the bucket had sunk by the time she got all the way out there.  I felt so bad for the mom, whose chattering teeth and pissed-off look said it all when she got back to the shore.  She admitted that it wasn’t worth it in the end.

     And just as I was saying how she’s a better mom than me for going in after it, I looked up to see my son’s Croc floating away in the lake, as well. Son of a bitch!  A shoe is a bit more essential than a bucket, so I, too, was then forced to drag my bikini-clad derriere into that frigid water.  Luckily, I was able to retrieve the shoe, but I had to spend some time thawing out once I got back to the beach.  It was seriously like an ice bath in that lake!  We then moved EVERYTHING we brought to the beach far, far away from the water.  No one was going back in, unless an actual person was floating away.  Oh, the things we mothers do for our kids….

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