Yesterday was a day when I needed much more than just an IV of caffeine. Hell, what I needed was more like a damn IV of margaritas! Cause yesterday? Well, yesterday was pretty freaking sucky. Any time that sandy poo is part of a trip to the beach is a day that I’d rather just forget altogether.
When you see your child running toward you through the sand with brown water running down her leg, you can pretty much bet your ass that you’re about to have yourself a wreck of a mess on your hands. Do you know how well sand and poo go together? Yeah, they don’t. Like, at all. I won’t go into all the nitty gritty details, since I care deeply about the welfare of my readers, but trust me, it was nothing short of a gag-inducing experience, without a doubt. By the time I finished cleaning up the crime scene, I wanted to either go home and call it a day or hit the nearest bar stool and go to mother effin’ town. I played the “Good Mama” card, though, put aside my feelings of nausea and bitterness, and let my daughter enjoy some more fun in the sun with her friends. Cause that’s how I roll, people. That did not, however, stop my eyes from shooting extra pointy daggers toward those few lucky bitches who were peacefully reading their magazines in their beach chairs as their offspring played off in the distance. I mean really, bitches, take your perfect little parenting techniques and shove ’em up straight up your tranquil little asses, ok?
So, given the state of my afternoon, you can probably imagine, then, how well a tweeted picture of my husband’s view of the Eiffel Tower went over at the end of the day. He’s in one of the most awesome cities on earth (for business, but STILL!), while I’m stuck here scraping shit out from underneath my fingernails. A little off-balance, wouldn’t ya say? I forewarned him that further awesome photography shots would most likely result in the loss of someone’s balls. I think he got the picture. So, here’s hopin’ that today is a little less “shitty” than yesterday….