Most people don’t have a very good relationship with their gut. In fact, they often spend hours upon hours trying to get rid of it altogether. They sign it up for early morning boot camp, they shove it into Spanx, and they only feed it things like beet juice and celery sticks. I, on the other hand, happen to really appreciate my gut. She’s certainly led me down the right path on many different occasions.
One such occasion was in junior high at a big sleepover party. Everyone decided to sneak out late at night and teepee the house of a girl who was a a grade ahead of us in school. I was hesitant to partake, but I ended up going along with the group. (Damn peer pressure!) However, when we got to the house and toilet paper was being passed out, my internal compass told me to hold the phone. The big eighth grade dance was coming up, and I knew my mom would flip out and keep me from going if I got busted. So I chose to sit on the curb and watch my friends turn all the trees into a Charmin wonderland. The next day, my Sherlock Holmes mother somehow tricked me into telling her about the sneaking out, and the only thing that saved my ass from missing the big dance was the fact that I didn’t actually vandalize anything. Score one for the gut!
This deep-rooted instinct has also played out time and time again throughout motherhood as well. If I have a strong feeling about something, I’ve learned to trust it and just go with it. When my kids get sick, I listen when my gut is talking. Take for instance all the shit that’s gone down the past couple of weeks in the Nucking Futs household of HELL. I’m sure y’all remember reading about the bathroom barf brigade, right? Well, when my daughter’s coughing and fever didn’t seem to get any better as the week progressed and when she started complaining about her ear hurting, I immediately called the doctor’s office to schedule yet another appointment. As it turned out, my poor baby has freaking pneumonia! Now, maybe I’m a little anal when it comes to my kids and sickness, but in this case, thank God I was! We caught it right away and immediately got her on antibiotics. Score another one for the gut!
So you can see then why my gut has become my number one homegirl throughout all our years together. She rarely lets me down when I turn to her for guidance. Therefore, I have no problem showering her with sushi and good wine for a job well done. And besides, she’s WAY less annoying than that jackass Dr. Phil.