Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Summer break is the equivalent of a homefront civil war.

** August is a REALLY long way away.

** Babysitters make everything better.

** If I had a penis, it would be a “ginormous” one, according to my son anyway.

** BP sure must like the taste of feet in their mouth.

** It’s not easy to shit out Scotch tape.  Just ask the dog.

** Sand & ass bombs are not a good combination.

** My life involves entirely too much shit (literally).

** Cheese fries may very well be the nastiest food on the planet — I can’t even look at them, much less ever eat ’em.

** Skin cancer has scared the living beejesus out of me.

** The lights in our basement playroom were on for 3 straight days, 24/7.  Sorry, Mother Earth.

** Starbucks REALLY needs to start delivering to me first thing in the morning.

** Kids have WAY too much energy.

** Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, always goes wrong when the hubby has a business trip.

** My husband is going to bring me a fabulous present from Paris (did you hear that, Honey??!!)

** Sadly, smiling seems to have gone out of style.

** I should wear a fancier thong if I’m gonna flash a crowded street of cars.

** If you’re seven, swim evaluations are called “swim evacuations“.

** My personal assistant REALLY needs to come back from vacation.  Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t HAVE a personal assistant.

** The kids’ bathroom was attacked by toothpaste.

** I believe I set a record number of “fucks” said within a seven-day period.

** There’s a mafia of mosquitoes out to get me.

** I cannot do it all.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.



7 Responses

  1. Love the cartoon….too funny.

    The last point about God…..makes you wonder sometimes if that statement isn’t true huh?

    Mom’s do it “all”, I totally understand your anxiety….good luck!

  2. I to have had a week from hell and swearing creatively stopped cutting it by tuesday afternoon – Congrats on the record number of f-bombs dropped in one week span! I’m impressed!!

    What did I learn this week…. if you have a 2 yr old who is potty training and he refuses to poop in the potty, only in his panties withing 5 mins after going to the potty he will NOT poop if you run him to the bathroom every 4 mins trying to catch the “poop window”. He will, in fact – just save the poop to the next day making you change him cloths 5 times in one day.

    Now, added to that clingy boxer briefs should NOT go on toddlers no matter how cute it looks as trying to get them off with poop in them and NOT smearing the poop all over the legs is NOT possible. I intend to write the underwear makers about this.


  3. Excellent list, and here’s hoping you get the Mother of All Chocolate from Paris.

    I learned that three-year-olds should really learn how to hold it if they insist on wearing a one-piece bathing suit and cover-up. No amount of maneuvering can get those suckers off without something or someone touching a dirty bathroom floor in the world’s tiniest stall.

  4. You are wise! I thirst for more of your knowledge. I’m not sure what I learned this week, but I’m sore I will eventually figure it out…

  5. The toothpaste attacking their bathroom.

    I ask myself everyday how in the world it’s possible for THAT much toothpaste to be sitting in the sink/on the towels/on the walls/on the mirror on a daily basis when their toothbrushes are so small.

  6. I learned this week that a dog will eat anything! I couldn’t figure out what the string was hanging from her butt until I realized that she had gotten into the compost and had eaten a tampon (yes, a used one). Thank god I don’t have kids – dogs are challenging enough!

  7. Cartoon is hilarious!
    Everything always went wrong for my wife when I traveled (more often than not as soon as I boarded the plane, or just arrived at my destination; this includes preterm labor with kid #4)
    Sunscreen is our friend
    If I wore thongs, it would be a whole lot of wrong
    This trying to work from home, mind 4 kids and keep a clean house while my wife is away this week on a mission trip is going to drive my BP through the roof.
    Say a prayer; God does not give us more than we can handle, and follow that up with some vodka and cranberry juice!
    Have a great week

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