Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Ya know, I’ve had to put up with a LOT of shit as a mom — catching puke with my bare hands, getting my dress flipped up in the middle of a crowded bank, and even having to scrub a red crayon-decorated window frame just in time for Mother’s Day.  Sure, my top might very well be about to blow, but nevertheless, I take it since that’s what parents do.  However, the one thing that absolutely burns my butt more than anything else is when my kids try to lie to me.

Now granted, I realize that sometimes, kids are just guilty by association, so I try my best to give them the benefit of the doubt.  Hell, I had my own fair share of misplaced finger pointing as a youngin’.  I remember one time that I totally took the heat for something that I didn’t even do.  My best friend was over at my house on our freshly stained deck in the backyard, when she spilled an entire bottle of tanning oil smack dab in the middle of the damn thing.  I knew that my dad was gonna flip his freaking lid, since he had put blood, sweat and tears into refinishing that deck.  And would you believe that my parents didn’t even give me a chance to explain MY side of the story?!  I was immediately blamed for effing up the wood and sentenced to one week of grounding.  I watched from the confines of my bedroom window as my friend happily played with the rest of the neighborhood in her false sense of freedom.  It was totally and completely unfair that she lied, and I was the one who had to pay the price.

There are times, however, when kids flat out lie straight to their parents’ faces.  And THIS is what makes me want to drop-kick a Webkinz or two.  Take, for instance, yesterday when my nose was immediately blasted with the overwhelming smell of fingernail polish when I stepped into my daughter’s room.  I must have asked her ten different times if she had painted her nails or anything else in the room, to which she innocently replied, “NO“, with a cute little bat of her big puppy dog eyes.  Every fiber of my being told me that the little shit was lying right through her toothless grin.  Plus, I have a wicked sense of smell so I knew that my nose, at least, was NOT deceiving me.

And wouldn’t ya know that after just a few minutes alone with Daddy, the little Pinocchio confessed her dishonesty and presented a freshly painted sock, complete with “pink” streaks and blobs??!!  WTF?!  Why the hell wouldn’t she tell ME, the woman who brought her into this world?!  I know I may be pissy at times, but I’m certainly no Wicked Witch of the Midwest.  She made him promise not to tell me the details of the story, so I’m not really sure where she was hiding the thing in her room.  I was so incredibly irked that she refused to tell me the truth.

Now I realize that this is probably just one of many lies that my daughter will tell me in her lifetime, but I really want my kids to feel like they can come to me with anything, whether it be something small like fingernail polish or something big like not getting in the car with a friend who’s been drinking.  Keeping the lines of communication open is such a vital part of parenting and something for which I will continue to strive.  And if all else fails, well then I’ll just send Daddy in to get the low-down….


17 Responses

  1. This is just one of many to come, my friend. If my oldest was Pinocchio, she would have a nose from my house to yours. *sigh*. Now that she’s 18 she tells me more, but it’s usually started with “I want to tell you something, but don’t tell Daddy…”. My heart promply stops for a second, because I’m about to hear something I don’t want to hear. :-/ I should be happy that she talks to me, right? lol

    • Yes, be happy that your daughter talks to you! That’s what I pray to happen with my kids! (Even if they do end up telling me something that makes my pulse stop.)

  2. Oh buddy..yeah, it’s easier to lie about something that’s got a less pungent odor. 😉 Lying is SOOO frustrating. Don’t be thrown that she told your hubby and not are weird like that. My parents used to refuse to promise not to tell the other one, though. 😉 I HATED that. Hope you have a good day!

    • I like that refusing to promise not to tell the other one — we’re in this shit together, man! 🙂

  3. Man I’m glad it wasn’t me that spilled the tanning oil!! 🙂

  4. both my kids are the same way.. they will run and tell my parents all their secrets.. but will lie straight to my face about something…

    😦 and i thot i was gonna be a cool mommy.

    • I know! I always thought I’d be “Cool Mommy” too! What happened to that pipe dream?!

  5. My Dad recently sent me a study that says children who lie turn out to be more successful adults. Which never makes me feel better when they flat out lie to me.

    • Well, if they can put me up in a kick-ass mansion on the beach after putting up with 11 or more years of lying, then hey, bring it! 🙂

  6. My daughter is a bit of a liar… I used to be able to tell when she was lying just from the look on her face but now she is so good at it that I can’t. And that TROUBLES me. I know how much I kept from my Mom and I didn’t want that kind of relationship with her but she has no tells anywhere for lying.

    I don’t know what makes me more pissed – the fact I can’t tell (which makes me feel like a bad mother, oh look – more mommy guilt!!) or that she can lie to my face.


  7. Good luck. They can’t help themselves.

  8. When I ask my daughter who is 3 why she is lying to me? She responds…”Cause I need my mommy”
    me: so you colored all over the chalk board with a sharpie and you did this cause you needed mommy?
    daughter: yes
    me: I need mommy too, where is another sharpie?

    • Haha! Don’t you love their little responses? (In a stab yourself in the eye with a sharp knife kind of way, that is)….. 😉

  9. Well I don’t have kids of my own (unless you count my puppy Isabella and I can tell when she’s done something she shouldn’t have – her ears give it all away….) but my boyfriend has a 9 year old daughter. I caught her lying twice in 4 years. The 1st time I gave her a scathing lecture about telling the truth and made her cry and made her sit on the couch for half an hour which was an eternity to her 5 year old self. The 2nd time she had to sit for an hour. I told her every time I catch her lying the punishment will double. So if I catch her again in will be 2 hours, then 4, then 8…. Luckily I think she learned her lesson pretty quickly. I don’t care what she does in her Mother’s house, it’s not my problem, but in my house lying is NOT tolerated from children OR adults!!

  10. I was a big time liar until I was 14 or 15, then honesty became really important with me.

    I’ve always told my kids that I can take anything but them lying to me….so if it’s the 1st time they’ve done something (ie: if I’ve never said specifically NOT to cut your sibling’s hair…just not to cut your own)…and they tell the truth, then they don’t get punished.

    I was trying to teach them that you won’t get in trouble for the truth & that it would be unfair for me to punish them for something that they had never been told not to do. It’s taken 12 years, but they’re finally catching on.

    Of course it’s not really to my advantage when they tell me something horrible & then say “but I told the truth”…Dang loopholes!!

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