Crap! School’s Out

Well, it’s that time once again — time to wrap up yet another year of school.  I swear I don’t know where the hell the time has gone, but I feel like I was just bawling my eyes out at kindergarten graduation.  And now?  My babies are about to officially become big ol’ second graders.  And if I start to get too sappy about this little milestone, well then all I need to do is spend more than five minutes with the little hellions to be snapped right out of my sentimental haze.  Cause good God almighty, these kids have summer fever coming right outta their miniature a-holes.

Just what do I mean by “summer fever” you ask?  Well, say you poured ten cups of sugar into a giant bowl, topped it off with some sprinkles of crack-cocaine, fed it to two seven-year-olds, and then had them chase it with a case of Red Bull.  Yeah, that is what I’m talkin’ about!  They are literally bouncing off the walls with excitement 24/7.  Honestly, I had no idea that human beings were capable of talking this freaking much.  And would it have killed God to equip these flippin’ kids with a damn volume button?  Sheesh, a person can pop only so much Advil before it becomes treacherous to her health, ya know.

And as if the hyper activity weren’t enough in and of itself, I’m also being bombarded with every paper and notebook under the damn sun that’s being sent home each and every day.  I really wish I could talk the teachers into using my round filing cabinet system more often.  Call me a bad mom, but I don’t need to save every frickin’ handwriting paper their pencils came into contact with.  To be fair to the teachers, though, I totally get that they’re just trying to get the crap out of their classrooms so that they, too, can get the hell out of dodge for the summer.  I just wish it wouldn’t end up scattered all over the floor of my living and dining rooms.

There WAS something positive, however, about the clearing out of the desks that occurred.  My son finally came across the Mother’s Day present that he made for me in art class and apparently forgot to bring home.  Nothin’ like a little appreciation for mama, even if it IS a month AFTER the fact.  But hey, I’ve learned through experience to just take what I can get.

So when that final bell rings today, I’m left with just one question:  How in the name of my last shred of sanity am I gonna survive the next two months??!!  We’re either gonna have an amazing summer together, or they’re gonna eat me alive on a silver platter.  Regardless of what happens, though, I’m gonna be sure to wear clean underwear and stock up on wine so I’m prepared for either scenario.

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11 Responses

  1. How will you survive the next two months??? One word – CAMP! 😉

    • True, but I only signed them up for 3 days/week. Moral of the story? Live & learn from your mistakes!

  2. You are so funny! I work full time and my son is in a summer program. I don’t have the worries about what to do with him all summer. We enjoy our weekends swimming and hanging out though.

  3. Wine definitely sounds like the best option.

    Did I know you have twins??? I have twin girls that are 4 1/2. So they may very well be serving me up on a platter as well. Yesterday was that way. They totally ate me alive. Oy!

  4. Summer fever coming out of the miniature a-holes, though? Bwaa haa haa! Good luck to us both, Mama!

  5. Good Luck!! We are already two weeks in and I think the girls already smell victory. There is no way I’ll make it to August.

  6. I swear they talk just to talk. I never knew how much useless crap kids had to say! And the papers – good grief! It looks like a friggin forest in my house!

  7. Well, for your son anyway, that’s easy: Super Mario Galaxy 2. He won’t talk to you all summer, unless it’s to tell you that he finally defeated Mega Hammer in Universe 2 (or something like that). And you’ll always know where to find him!

  8. Reason number 20 I never had kids – and became a teacher! Good luck. I’ll be lounging quietly by the pool with a glass of Veuve Clicquot. I still have 11 days to go.

  9. I hear you — school finished for us on Monday/Tuesday and I’ve gotten the question daily since: “What are we doing today?”

    Um, trying to make it to dinner without casulaties.
    Happy Summer!

    Alyson
    http://www.commonsense-dancing.com

  10. The thought keeping me going during summer is that my youngest will be in 1st grade in August!!!! My big question is: Did you manage to get anything done this last school year? Or did you spend your time running forgotten lunches over to school, folding laundry, & searching for missing shoes?

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