Things I’ve Learned This Week

** There is no doubt that in a former life, our dog was a paper shredder.

** I will forever be a day late & a dollar behind.

** We put the “lazy” in our Lazy Susan, given that there’s no tellin’ what the hell you’ll find in there.

** Mornings?  Can bite me.

** I need to start passing out chill pills to some of the parents at the soccer fields.

** Birds enjoy pooping on me.

** My son apparently no longer likes carrots, which brings the number of veggies he’ll eat to Z-E-R-O.

** Greasy little fingers always manage to leave their stamp on me.

** Sandy boobs are not my cup of tea.

** I will never pee in peace again.

** Sadly, people care more about Al & Tipper Gore separating than they do about global warming.

** I REALLY need to learn Spanish so I’ll know when my kids are conspiring to overthrow my throne.

** If you’re not turning right, you’ve got no business being in the right-hand lane at a stop light.

** Screw sexy — Justin needs to bring NAPPING back.

** I should’ve been the one who invented Silly Bands, dammit!

** I’m gonna need an extra-large stock of Valium when my daughter goes through puberty.

** Calgon REALLY needs to come and take me away.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.



9 Responses

  1. I love your weekly list.

  2. This list is DA BOMB.

    I learned that now that summer’s here, it’s really time to start shaving my legs again.

    I learned that getting on the scale after a night of scarfing Moonpies is NOT a good idea.

    I learned that my children prefer to poop at Target.

    I learned that pretending I’m asleep doesn’t fool my husband or my kids.

  3. I learned:

    Some people are just MEAN. . .no sense trying to reason with them or lose too much sleep over them.

    The inventor of the Keurig coffee maker is my soul mate (sorry to my hubs).

    Girls are WAY more expensive than boys. Period.

    Ring tones are really telling of a person’s personality!

  4. I love your weekly list too!

  5. Mornings can bite me too. I hate mornings.

    Love your weekly list, btw.

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  7. Hahahahaha, oh this is great!

  8. I learned that it sucks to lean back in your reclining couch & find 5 empty string cheese wrappers down the arm of the couch & 2 empty Capri Suns under it. Dang kids.

    • Haha! Awesomeness! Know what else I learned? The dog crate makes for a very good babysitter/entertainment source for the kids. 😉

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