Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My husband is having an affair……..with his new iPad.

** Drinking a whole vineyard of grapes the night before boot camp is not a wise idea.

** My life was not complete until I found the “Marilyn” round boar brush (from Ulta 3) and the Laura Mercier eyelash curler.

** I could totally be a nudist.

** Words cannot describe just how tired I really am.

** Bret Michaels is one lucky SOB who wears bandanas even in a damn hospital bed.

** My son can survive without the Wii for 3 whole days without needing therapy or suffering any long-lasting emotional scars.

** Two words that mean absolutely nothing to anyone around here are “it’s” and “bedtime“.

** The world’s smallest bladder belongs to yours truly.

** Stupid people do not belong in a drive-thru line.

** If actions speak louder than words, then my kids are saying I’m their slave.

** My to-do list is taking human growth hormones.

** Betty White should totally come to hot yoga with me sometime.

** Buying new watches for the kids has provided them a tool to tell me just how late we are for everything.

** Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.

** Flinstone vitamins are still bad-ass.

** It’s impossible to remember that you’re out of soap until you’re dripping wet in the shower.

** My mom was right. Life really isn’t fair.

** Father Time needs to lay off the fast-forward button so I can catch my breath for a second.

** I could never hack it as a cave woman.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK?????

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19 Responses

  1. I do like the fact that your last one always stays the same. Also, I always find something in your list that makes me laugh.

    • That last “thing I learned” is kinda like the motto that keeps me going every week. I’ve been through A LOT in my life & I’m still here to tell about it & even laugh along the way, so I’m always glad when I find other people like you who want to laugh with me. 😉

  2. I learned that I need to follow your “what I learned this week” lol

    • Yay! Well, I’m so glad you learned something EXTREMELY important like that, cause I, too, think you absolutely need to follow my “Things I’ve Learned This Week” each and every week! 🙂

  3. big fan of the ‘random listy’ posts. You learn so much!

    things I learned this week? ‘minor in office surgery’ is not at ALL minor. i’m owie.

    also, my 2.5 year old has the tiniest little tushy and prefers boxer briefs.

    • My 7 year old has a tiny tush too & those boxer briefs are freaking HUGE! Hope you start to feeling better after your surgery soon! 🙂

  4. How about:

    No one in my household knows how to flush a toilet

    Can be a little embarrassing when the electrician needs to go to the bathroom. I’m sure he thinks it is mine…

    • No one knows how to flush a toilet here either, which is SUPER fun when the dog decides to help himself to a little snacky poo (literally). 😉

  5. I learned to never miss a Nucking Futs Mama on a Friday. LOVE these!

    • Aww, you are too sweet, my Canadian friend! I’m so glad you dig these posts — they’re a lot of fun to write! 🙂

  6. I have learned I am too nice. I have also learned as soon as you let your “sick” child stay home from school they suddenly don’t look like they are going to die anymore as they ask if we can go out to lunch.

    Thanks for the laughs! Your posts help me get through the day!

    • My kids do that to me too! Suddenly, they want to play games & hoop it up! What’s up w/that?! Thanks for reading my rants — really appreciate it! 🙂

  7. I thought the same thing about Bret Michaels! Can’t even be in the hospital without that stupid thing.

    I guess the weave is gone! Are you watching Celebrity Apprentice? He is so over the top.

    • I haven’t been watching Celebrity Apprentice, but he’s typically over the top in general. Did you ever watch Rock of Love? Wow! Talk about drama!

      • I have never seen that show.

        He was in People Magazine a few weeks ago and was saying that he loved long hair and he had a weave.

        He looks like he is posing in the hospital bed. No one looks like that when they are as sick as he was.

  8. I love checking this out every week. Lots of fun!

    • Well I truly appreciate you taking the time to check it out! It’s much more fun to laugh at myself if I’ve got someone else to laugh with me. 🙂

  9. i learned that a bike ride consists of two parts: going there, and coming back. the coming back part can get really painful if you get over-zealous ‘going there’. ask my butt.

  10. I learned that I have to get over here more often! This is a mirror image of Crazy Town, right down to the same images hahahahahahaha! I love it, & love knowing I’m not alone in it all LOL! 😀

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