Mother Freakin’ Hints

So Mother’s Day is this weekend, right? (And for those of you who live in a cave and didn’t know this, grab a Sharpie and write it on your damn calendar in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS right freaking now!) Anyway, I’ve been dropping mad hints left and right about things the kids and hubby could possibly get for me. After all, I think I deserve a seriously bad-ass gift, given all the crap I do for everybody around here day in and day out. The problem, though, is that I have a feeling all these subliminal suggestions are falling on deaf ears.

Now don’t get me wrong — it’s not like I’m expecting diamonds or new cars or anything fancy like that. I, for one, do NOT believe every kiss begins with Kay. No, I’ve been dreaming about more practical things that don’t necessarily break the bank. For example, for three years now. I’ve been planting the seed of how much I’d LOVE to have a front porch swing. I can just picture myself swinging away with a margarita in hand as my perfectly-behaved children play nicely in the front yard. (Ok, so maybe this scene of tranquility is a tad bit far-fetched for the Nucking Futs Clan, but it’s MY fantasy, so humor me people!) So far though, no dice on the swing dream.

I’ve also been reporting any massage specials I hear being advertised on t.v. or on the radio. A professional rub down would be profoundly appreciated since I literally bend over backwards for these people 24/frickin’/7. And the only kind of massage I can get around here is when I bribe my kids with a quarter to make circles with their bony little elbows on my back. Needless to say, Mama’s muscles would be totally down with some tender loving care.

I think, but I can’t confirm, that my family is up to something though. My husband has said that he’s been working on a “project” for the past week and quickly closes his computer every time I get near it. It’s either something really cool and special, or he’s totally surfing porn.  It could go either way.  All I know is that I better not get a damn vacuum cleaner or lame old pots and pans cause I think I deserve better than that.  I work hard for the money, dammit! Oh, wait, that’s right…I don’t get paid ANY money for this flipping job. Maybe every kiss SHOULD begin with Kay from now on….


7 Responses

  1. I warned hubby a looooong time ago that appliances, kitchen stuff, or anything practical for that matter DO NOT constitute gifts – Mother’s Day, birthday, anniversary, or Christmas – I better never unwrap a blender, hairdryer, pot, pan, dish, vacuum, etc.

    • Amen, sister! I think my dad bought my mom an iron for Mother’s Day. You can imagine how well that went over….

  2. I’ve told my husband if he EVER gets me something from Kay he will get a knuckle sandwich in the kisser! He has done nicely w/ things that come in little blue boxes, but it’s been awhile. I actually have no clue what he’s going to get me (my guess is nothing) or what we’ll do Sunday (when I asked, he said, “Dunno. What do YOU want to do?”).

    What I really want? I want some to clean my house. And then. And then! I want it to STAY CLEAN FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES!!

    A girl can dream, right?

  3. I got a “Mom Swing” for Mothers Day a few yrs ago. But hubs is not mechanically inclined so I had to help put it together to keep the swearing to a minimum. Still love the swing though 🙂

  4. One year I sat my husband down and presented him a slide show of gifts I would appreciate. Last year, I linked him – told him how early he’d have to order – and what size. This year? He got me a fridge.
    I’ve been putting out.
    A lot.

  5. It’s a funny thing when all the mothers in your life are gone to watch people scramble last minute for the perfect $20 gift….

    I’ve had my husband write me a note for every valentine’s day, mother’s day, birthday, & anniversary for quite a few years now.
    My son brought me the cutest card Sunday morning & I decided right then that I don’t want these kids running around every May searching for a plant or perfume. So from now on, I’m getting letters for Mother’s Day. Can’t wait!

    • There is absolutely no better gift in this world than a hand-written note, especially from the kids. I absolutely adore those and will cherish them forever!

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