Brain Farts

Lately, I’ve been having even more brain farts than usual. I know — that’s probably hard to believe, huh? Well, it’s actually very true. You see, I’ve recently worn my thong sideways, put the orange juice in the pantry, and searched all over for my keys that were still in the front door. I’ve been blaming it on my kids and how much they stretch my mind in so many different directions, what with their 10,000 different questions per minute and all. But sometimes, I really think I only have myself to blame for my temporary acts of stupidity. Take for example, last Friday when I completely forgot my car of all things.

I had volunteered to help in my son’s classroom in the afternoon, and since I was naturally running late (remember, I will be late for my own death), I opted to drive over to school. I parked just down the street and rushed inside to help the kids with a little gardening project. By the time we’d wrapped up the project and the dismissal bell had rung, I could think of nothing else but locating my two kids and the friends they’d invited over for a playdate after school. Since I was the person responsible for collecting and depositing these four short people safely to my house, my brain was fixated on this and this alone. (Car? What car?)

We took our sweet old time enjoying the leisurely walk home in the gorgeous afternoon weather while the kids picked weeds and chased each other and I chatted with other moms along the way. I smiled to myself at just how under control I had things. Piece o’ cake.

When we got to our front porch and I glanced into the street, I noticed that my car wasn’t there. WTF?! For a split second, I actually allowed my stupid self to wonder if the friggin’ thing had been stolen. And then my brain ripped a big old fart in a moment of clarity. Oh shit! I’d left the damn thing all the way back at school! To say I felt like a moron would have been a bit of an understatement. No, what I felt like was Chrissy Snow, minus the ginormous flopping bra-less boobs.

I talked a neighborhood girl into coming over to stay with the kids while I ran back over to school and drove my dumb ass back home. I tried to rationalize it by telling myself that I’d just gotten over a horrendous cold and had just eased back into the land of the living. Still, though, how do you forget your flipping CAR?! That’s just pathetic. I need to start stocking up on blueberries or some other kind of brain food cause my family’s gonna ship me off to the old folks’ home soon if I don’t shape up.

** So tell me about one of your brain farts!  Don’t let me feel all alone in my senior moment here please…. **

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20 Responses

  1. Thank you for my morning laugh.

    • You are welcome! Thanks for laughing with me at my stupidity — it’s more fun when in good company! 🙂

  2. My hubby and I used to live an hour from where we work, and we carpooled a lot since we work at the same company. Well, we didn’t carpool one morning, forgot about it during the day and rode home together as usual. We carpooled for the next few days thinking nothing of it. We lived in a crappy apartment complex, and didn’t notice our car was missing from the parking lot until my folks came to visit over the weekend and asked where it was Saturday morning. It was one LONG weekend as we sweated it out hoping we’d left it at work!

    • That is a classic! You must’ve about had a heart attack when you finally realized how long your car had been missing! Welcome to the Brain Fart Club — your story may take the cake! 🙂

  3. On Easter my mother was hear cooking for everyone and Marlee was getting UBER antsy and grouchy. So i picked her up and started rocking her and she dozed off to sleep. A few minutes later my insane 14yo brother, whom my 3 yo thinks is GOD, was in the hallway being really loud and throwing bouncy balls all over the place making Caleb cackle like there was no tomorrow. I flipped out thinking Marlee was in there with them and was worried she was gonna get hurt so i shouted “WHERE IS MARLEE?!?!” when i looked down and remembered she was cat napping in my arms. yeah…. a lillte while later, my mother, being the lovely woman she is, was standing in front of the stove and shouted “OH GOD WHERE’S THE STOVE?!?!” just to make fun of me some more…

    • Priceless! I love the brain farts that are so obvious that they’re right in front of your face! Like the missing sunglasses that are on top of your head or the vanished child who’s sleeping in your lap! 🙂

  4. Well, let’s see. This weekend, I put a chicken breast in a drawer instead of the fridge, grabbed a handful of cat food instead of cheerios, and freaked out when I couldn’t find the bra I wanted (turns out, I was already wearing it). And that’s just this weekend.

    I’ll be in the room next to you at the old folks home…

    • Awesome! So, do you have meowing children now? Thanks for being a part of the Brain Fart Club! 🙂

  5. I sent my then 3 year old (now 8 year old) to school on February 14th without the bag of valentines he had made for all of his friends. The cards were on the counter and I just didn’t put it in his bag. I didn’t realize it either until he came home with a Valentine’s mailbox full of cards and treats. The teacher said he could bring them the next day and deliver to all of his friends then. At least he was too little to understand and be upset but my husband has never let me live it down.

    Oh – and this weekend I asked where my 4 year old’s hat was (it was in my lap at the time).

    • I think as parents, we often feel the blunder of our ways more so than our kids do. Thank God those little shorties bounce back quickly, eh?! Thanks for sharing your brain fart! Makes me feel like I’m not all alone! 😉

  6. Saturday was crazy busy and we were attempting to cook a semi decent meal for our family plus another family of 5. I put the chicken on the grill and turned to our outdoor thermometer to gage my time. I kept staring at the thermometer thinking “what time is that”. It finally registered that it was 85 degrees outside and that the thermometer was not a good tool to track when to flip the chicken.

    • Haha! That’s great! Hopefully u didn’t eat under or overcooked chicken! 🙂

  7. I left my daughter at church once. Her dad & I drove separately for some reason. I thought she was with him and he thought she was with me, until we got home and realized neither of us had her. I guess if you are going to forget your child, church is the best possible place to leave them.

  8. Okay, so when we leave the house, we always ALWAYS set the alarm.

    When we get back from my son’s swimming lesson last Saturday, I went in first and stop to hit the alarm code except the code. is. not. working.

    I keep punching it in. It keeps not working. I can’t figure out why and I’m getting frantic.

    I call to P for the code, and he comes running over to enter it. Completely different numbers than the ones I was using.

    I was entering our ATM code. Sigh.

    I’ll take the room down the hall. I’ll likely never find it anyway.

    • I gotta tell ya, it’s HARD to remember all those damn codes & passwords! I get them all confused too! I’ll save u some blueberries in the old fogies home, k? 😉

  9. Ok, not my brain fart (I have plenty) but my husband’s. He walks to work everyday, it is just around the corner. However, sometimes he has to drive for one reason or another. 95% of the time when he drives, he forgets his car at work. You are not alone my friend, not alone.

    • Thank you for not allowing me to sit alone in my own brain fart! A car is a hard thing to remember apparently! 🙂

  10. wait until your kids are older…they just love making fun of our senior moments.

    My daughter loves it when I ask where the cell phone is while I’m talking on it….but this morning I was running down the “don’t forget” routine with my son.
    I asked if he had his lunch & his shoes…then I apparently meant to ask if he had his jacket & backpack…but I morphed them together & asked if he had his “jet pack”….My kids howled with laughter!

    • Actually, as a mom, I think we could totally use a jet pack — sounds very helpful for all the fires we put out all day long…. 🙂

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