To Hell With Housekeeping

Lately I’ve been contemplating whether to just give up on the whole housecleaning thing altogether. I mean, let’s be honest, no one in my family really gives a rat’s ass if the dishes are all piled up or if they have to dig all the way to China to find their favorite toy in the playroom. Every time I decide to waste my time tidying up around here, I wonder why the hell I even bother.

HOUSEKEEPING FAIL #1

Let’s take, for example, my son’s dresser in his room. I’m all for exhibiting baseball and soccer trophies, along with some memorable photos. But this?

Well this is nothing but a big old hodgepodge pile of crap! There’s no organization, no style, and absolutely no rhyme or reason to this display whatsoever.

HOUSEKEEPING FAIL #2

And then there’s my daughter’s dressing table in her room. It’s constantly junked up with little trinkets and toys and God only knows what all kinds of shit. I’ve told her no less than 3000 different times to clean it up, and apparently, this is her idea of clean:

I’m not sure she’d be able to find herself in the mirror if she even tried. It’d be like searching through a “Where’s Waldo?” book just to find her face. The chick is destined to have her own A&E special on t.v. one day.

HOUSEKEEPING FAIL #3

And my kitchen table? You know, the place where families typically gather to eat their meals each and every day? Yeah, well, mine just so happens to look like this right now:

You may or may not have noticed that there is a frickin’ rocket launcher smack dab in the middle of the damn thing. Really? I’m supposed to serve dinner around this giant missile as if it’s not even there? This monstrosity has been sitting there for DAYS and nobody seems to see that anything is even remotely out of place here.

HOUSEKEEPING FAIL #4

And the real kicker? Last night I was searching the cabinets in the kids’ bathroom for fingernail clippers, and you wanna know what I found in one of the drawers? Believe it or not, I stumbled onto this growing little collection:

Holy hell, just what is going on in my house?! I have no idea why in the name of Quilted Northern someone is saving up all these empty toilet paper rolls. And I’m not sure what’s worse — that someone’s preserving all these things or that I never even noticed until now.

One thing is abso-freaking-lutely crystal clear though:

Yep, I give up.

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31 Responses

  1. gotta say the bathroom one, looks like my mom and sisters bathroom at their place. they have toilet paper rolls all over the damn place. its like they are decorating with them. it drives me nuts.

  2. My 2.5y/o hoards TP rolls, but he’s not clever enough to stash them in a drawer. He hides them with his toys. (Lightning McQueen, Thomas the Tank Engine, 14 TP rolls, Little People Bus… obviously) Perhaps I should show him your post for inspiration?

    • Yes, I definitely think you should show him that they can, in fact, be stored in a drawer! However, this plan could potentially backfire on you, ya know. You may find all the drawers in your house stuffed with tubular cardboard from now on….

  3. I’m dying over the toilet paper rolls! Maybe they’re saving up to build a school project with them or something – yeah, that sounds like a good reason, right? lol…

    • My only guess is that it’s for some stupid crafting project. I say it’s all Noggin’s fault for pushing all that damn imagination & creativity…. πŸ˜‰

  4. Maybe they are just starting a recycling drawer. lol I love that your son has a cowbell on his dresser. EVERYONE needs more cowbell!

    • I should’ve had an “I Spy” game with my readers to see if they could spot all the random crap on his dresser & my daughter’s dressing table. Damn, another missed opportunity…. πŸ˜‰

  5. Amen! I am very organized and have always had a clean house. Until now. I am waving the white flag. The boys – a 4-year-old, 11-month-old AND a 37-year-old – have won.

    I have a paper towel roll hoarder. And the desk in his room is forever covered with little bits & pieces from legos, Playmobile, magazine subscription cards, art projects… you name it. I clean it up while he’s at preschool, and 32 seconds after he gets home it is covered again.

    This mama is going to spend time reading a good book or drinking some good wine. No more cleaning up after people who don’t care. (Give me 1/2 a day and I’ll be back to my old ways – I can’t help myself – must.pick.up.)

    • Well, make that forfeit count while you can! Throw back that wine & pop those bon-bons! (I totally know what you mean though cause I can’t stand the clutter either. Even if it all gets messed up again 10 seconds after I clean it up, it makes me feel better to at least try.) Never. Ending. Battle.

  6. It is truly amazing how quickly our kids (and, truth be told, we adults) accumulate things…until one day we notice that our houses are filled with stuff, most of which is of questionable use. Everything in life, including a neat house, requires constant maintenance and attention lest it fall into disrepair. It’s exhausting.

    I do have to say I was almost relieved when I got to picture #4 and all that was in the drawer was empty toilet paper rolls. I feared much, much worse! As always, your post made me laugh out loud. πŸ™‚

    • So you totally get my hamster on the wheel mentality then, eh? I spin around and around & get nowhere. Oh well, it makes me feel better to try. And hell, I obviously never know what I’ll stumble upon (i.e. the toilet paper rolls) — it’s all excellent writing material! Thanks as always for reading! πŸ™‚

  7. nice write up.. even I have been one of those clean freaks and ive given up training my boyfriend… I had to train him about the toilet seats, about not using my towel, about keeping the things back where he took it from, about laundry, about what goes in the wet bin and what goes in the dry bin.. I could go on and on..
    At the end of the day I dont know what is worse.. cleaning up after kids who are in a way innocent or cleaning up after a 24 year old adult who is capable of understanding everything.. FRUSTRATED!!!
    Loved your post.. πŸ™‚

    • I hear ya, sister — men are sometimes more difficult than kids. My husband is ALWAYS leaving his sweatpants and t-shirts on the floor on his side of the bed. Constant battle. Thanks for reading — appreciate the feedback too! πŸ˜‰

  8. Love it!!! That drawer is a Toilet Paper Roll graveyard…you must let them rest in peace! πŸ™‚
    ROFL!! can’t help it. I’m probably gonna smile all day thinking about your surprise when you opened that drawer!

  9. AMEN, sister! I feel your frustration! That is why I have opted to working on my tan by sitting out on the Starshmucks patio reading my book. I just blogged about it actually…you should check it out!

    • That sounds heavenly & I have a very strong craving for a Starbucks green iced tea now…. πŸ™‚

  10. The toilet paper rolls are funny! Don’t feel bad, your kitchen table isn’t bad. Mine is a pile. Haven’t eaten at it in months. We’ve been eating in the dining room instead so the kitchen table remains the dumping ground. It sucks. Every time I clear it off, within a week it’s piled again!

  11. The cow bell on the dresser is awesome! … and the empty rolls of toilet paper – believe me I feel the pain – I discover those (consistently) at the least appropriate moments and it’s not my 2 yr old sons fault either πŸ˜‰

    • Yeah, the cowbell is a good one, isn’t it? And by the way, just found out tonight that the toilet paper rolls are apparently being collected to make a giant telescope. Of course! Can’t believe I didn’t think of that myself. (Or not).

  12. HA! When I first read this I thought you said you were looking for fingernail CLIPPINGS and I thought “But you think toilet paper rolls is weird?

    So, yes, now that I read it correctly, toilet paper rolls is uncommon.

    I think my solution will be to just sell my house and live in a hotel. Those come equipped with maids.

    • Actually, it probably wouldn’t surprise me to find a collection of fingernail clippings in my house. My son collects wine corks — why not toenails?! Ick. Now THAT really would be weird….

  13. I have to say, I love your blog.

  14. First…loved this! Mailing it to my ex and all 3 kids. Second, I can honestly say your house is much cleaner than mine. U can still see some table in your kitchen table. Third, let’s give credit where it’s due. There’s a certain unique OCD underlying the drive to neatly stack empty toilet paper rolls perfectly in a free drawer. My kids would have tossed it in the general direction of a wastebacket, missed, and then left it on the floor for days. Count your blessings.

    • You’re so right — it’s normally even messier than this. The toilet paper rolls are normally on the floor & the table is usually more than a little buried. Small victories, right? πŸ˜‰

  15. My girls dressers make your kids look good. Seriously. I won’t take pix, bc I’m too embarrassed that I’ve let them get to the point they have. Part of me, wants to let them so their thing, part of me is too lazy to care & part of me is going nuts. It doesn’t help that my MIL is a hoarder & encourages this behavior. The ONLY reason you haven’t seen a TV show about my MIL is that they have a REALLY big house, so the worst of it, is in places other ppl never see. (Yet)

    You post was timely in that I decided each girl is going to get a treasure box for her room. (From Ikea, bout 2x size of shoe box.) They can store their “crap” in these boxes. If item doesn’t fit in box, then they either need to clean out the box to make room or get rid of it. This is NOT the keepsake box I have for each of them; baby items, etc… This is going to be their box. And the lid has to fit on it. I don’t want to SEE what it’s in it, unless I go look.

    I’ll let you know how that works out.

    • Yes! Please let me know how the treasure box thing works out — that sounds like a great idea! I might have to try that if it works for you! πŸ™‚

  16. […] your toilet paper drawer was clearly the mommy blog highlight of my week. (See her blogpost To hell with housekeeping for more info on […]

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