Hubby + Hangover = Worthless to Me

So my husband is in the process of planning a Vegas bachelor party for his best friend this summer. And if history has taught me anything, it’s that I shouldn’t plan for him to be good for a damn thing the day after these testosterone-fueled festivities. You see, the last time he planned a little manhood soiree like this, he was more than just a little successful in earning his rightful place in the proverbial doghouse.

It was probably about ten years ago when my hubby was put in charge of planning a last hurrah for one of his soon to be married friends. We were living in a condo at the time and had just bought our first house, which needed MAJOR renovations. He assured me that he wasn’t gonna get too wild and crazy at the bachelor party since he knew that we needed to meet our contractor at the new house early the next morning. (Ok, people, you can stop your freaking snickering cause I actually bought into this shit and believed this ridiculously impossible promise!) When I woke up the next day to find him still passed out to the world, though, I knew that our day of productivity was going to be anything but.

Turns out that Mr. Promise To Take It Easy decided to get even more toasted than the actual bachelor himself. I mean, we’re talkin’ quite possibly the world’s WORST hangover on the record books. I was having none of it, though, since we had a schedule, and by God, we were sticking to it! I told him to buck up and pop some Advil cause we had appointments and were knockin’ out that to-do list whether he liked it or not. He cringed and moaned, but I threw his ass in the car, and we headed over to our new under-construction haven.

I was deep into a conversation with our contractor when I happened to notice that my hungover hubby had completely disappeared on me. I excused myself to hunt him down, only to find him bent over the disconnected toilet in the backyard puking his ever-loving guts out. I nearly died of embarrassment imagining what our new neighbors must think of the white trash couple who’d just moved into their hood. I was sure that we would most certainly NOT be receiving any welcome baskets full of muffins and cookies.

We decided to head to the Home Depot before we were completely blacklisted from the neighborhood, but the very minute we got to the cabinet section there, my renovating partner went MIA once again. Luckily, I didn’t have to wonder too long about his whereabouts though, since I immediately heard his obnoxiously distinct sounds of hurling coming from the vicinity of the restrooms. I honestly could have killed him right then and there and had visions of just what I’d like to do with the jigsaw I had passed back in Aisle 10. Needless to say, we didn’t get a whole lot accomplished that day.

So if history decides to repeat itself this year, my hubby better be good and ready to dig himself out of any holes in which he finds himself in Vegas. I will most certainly NOT be sweet-talking Mike Tyson if his pet tiger goes missing, nor will I be rescuing my sunburned husband from a deserted roof top. Nope, he’s all on his own. Most importantly, however, I will not be planning any major projects right after his little weekend boy bash. Instead, I will be planning MY OWN little Sin City girls gala cause turnabout’s fair play and payback’s a bitch.  😉


22 Responses

  1. I loved this movie and laughed so hard…I hope you husband has a great time just maybe not that great 🙂

    • How can you NOT love The Hangover?! It’s seriously one of the funniest movies EVER! And yes, let’s pray that my husband doesn’t have THAT great of a time…. 😉

  2. My hubby called the night of my BILs bachelor party to say he lost his father during a fight. I cancelled all of his credit cards only to have him call 15 mins later to say THE COPS found his wallet while responding to the fight. I sent him with his bro to sleep at his parents that night. The next day I picked him up and he had a big shiner which he had the day of his sis’ wedding! Feel any better? Lol

    • Yes, I feel much much better! Thank you for sharing your story & my sympathies to your poor sister for what her wedding photos must’ve turned out like. 🙂

    • Oops, I meant, my sympathies to “his” sister….

  3. I wish I had $ right now because I’d love to join the gals in Vegas! I love it there!

    • Would you believe I’ve NEVER been to Vegas??!! I think I might be the only person on earth….

      • make that two 🙂
        and if movies are any indication of what happens (and supposedly stays there) i’m not sure i ever want to go.

      • Aww, come on! If you and I are really the last two people on earth who’ve never been to Vegas, we MUST go to see what all the fuss is about! 🙂

  4. As always you are so Nucking Hilarious! Thank you!

  5. I say let the husband do as he will. He works hard and deserves some down time. Really.

    • All you husbands really look out for each other, don’t you?! How much did mine pay you to say that? 😉

      • Not one dime. In fact we have a secret man agreement that if need be we will refuse sex just to make a point. Yep, the married men are just saying “no.”

      • Somehow, I don’t see that working in your favor…. 😉

  6. Ohmygosh. I just stumbled upon your blog a few days ago… and here is certainly a post I can relate to! You have me in stitches because it’s so relatable to my husband. This past October, he went out the night before we had plans to go to the pumpkin farm (I think it was for a buddy’s bachelor party come to think of it…). I actually had to pull over on the way there the next morning so he could puke. Could have strangled him!

    • Well, I thank you for stumbling & so glad you found me! So, we probably shouldn’t send our husbands to Vegas together EVER, should we?! 😉

  7. I think you’re overlooking the fact that your husband made the EFFORT to find a toilet.

    • I guess he could’ve just puked in the bushes or on the neighbor’s deck. So there is that…. 😉

  8. Sounds to me like “Cujo” better be gettin’ ready to share his digs with the hubby! 😀

  9. Hilarious! I took a trip to Vegas recently and it took me three days to recover. Ouch. I never knew hangovers could last that long. Needless to say, the hubby was not to thrilled when I returned. Should’ve made it a longer trip to recuperate in Vegas. That would be my advice to you. Take a couple extra days to recover before returning home to the spouse and kids. Happy Sinning!

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