What’s Your Name Again?

I’ve decided that my life would be a hell of a lot easier if everyone just wore name tags. It’s sad but very true that I can’t seem to remember anybody’s damn name anymore for anything in this world. It absolutely blows my mind to think that I used to be a teacher and responsible for knowing a whole classroom full of kids’ names. I couldn’t do that now if my life depended on it! Somewhere in the process of pushing out two screaming children from my body, I apparently also pushed out my memory.

Any time I meet someone new and they tell me their name, I try very hard to absorb this information for later use. However, the next time I come in contact with the person, I inevitably draw a complete blank when it comes to saying hello. The wheels are spinning wildly in my head, but all that seems to come out is a, “Hey there……YOU!” It’s extremly embarrassing, and I used to play it off like it was nothing. Now I just openly admit that I suck with names and blame it on motherhood stripping away my brain cells.

The worst is when I can’t remember people’s names who’ve told me over and over again what their names are. I’ve done this with several moms from school who clearly know my name, but my memory bank is completely empty when it comes to knowing theirs. And it’s gone beyond the comfortable period of time in which I could still ask for a reminder. Can you imagine how awkward it’d be to ask Mrs. X. what her name is after I’ve had a gazillion freaking conversations with her at pickup time?

I also tend to get stuck on completely wrong names for people too. Once I get a name in my head, it’s like I can’t stop calling the person that, even if it couldn’t be farther from the correct one. I’ve called my neighbor Patty for years and just recently found out that her name is “PAULA“. She must think I’m the biggest jackass on the block. And when my son had a playdate over here yesterday, I must’ve called that kid every little boy’s name under the moon EXCEPT for his actual name.  Poor kid probably went home and told his mom that he never wants to play with the weird lady’s son ever again.

But you see, if everyone was required to wear nametags, there wouldn’t be any more of those tense moments where you’re racking your brain to come up with a frickin’ name.  It’d be right there in plain sight.  No more awkwardness!  No more feeling like a complete dumb ass!  Come on…who’s with me?!
HELLO my name is:  Nucking Futs Mama!!!

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30 Responses

  1. I don’t know if nametags would help. People ask me my name. I say “my name is Rose.” Their reply is “Hi Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” I don’t know how they get Ruth out of Rose….

    • That is so true. My name is Jennie (also known as Jenny, but I spell it with an “ie”), & people are ALWAYS calling me “Jeannie” as in I dream of…. Drives me nucking futs!!

  2. Name tags would be wonderful!!! I seem to remember kids’ names, but not adults. They always end up being so and so’s mom/dad.

    I’ve been told that if someone introduces themselves, you should repeat their name back to them. Of course, I’ve tested this and have come to the conclusion that it’s a bunch of crap!

  3. As you know, my hubby doesn’t know ANYONE’S name. I always have to tell him what the person dressed up like for Halloween last year and then he MIGHT know.

  4. I thought I was the only one who gave people different names in my head! I usually try to introduce myself to people before I come to a conclusion about what name they “look like”. I happened to mention my problem with remembering names in my previous neighborhood & (when asked) told a lady named Stacy, that I had to physically stop myself from calling her “Nancy”. She’s still a little peeved about it 6 years later!

    As for the hearing problem some people have, my husband and I call them our “alter-egos” or our aliases. In real life we are Tyson & Jasmine. Over the phone, we are Travis & Jocelyn.

  5. my boyfriends name is Gavin yet everyone always calls him Kevin same as my name they say Rachelle instead of Rachel. im not french lol though i don’t think name tags would help people with pronunciation. a good kick in the head would tho.

  6. Strangely, I am almost always able to remember the kids’ names, just not the names of their parents. I don’t know how many hundreds of times I have referred to acquaintances and sometimes friends as “George’s Mom” or “Patty’s Dad.”

    I sometimes send one of my daughters to ask a friend how her mom spells her name (like I am going to send her a surprise card or something). This works well if the mom whose name I can’t remember turns out to be Shefali (one actual time), but not so well if she is named Pam (another actual time).

    Sigh.

    • That same thing is true about pets & their owners. It’s really sad that I can remember someone’s dog’s name, but not the owner’s name.

  7. I hear you. I may not remember you, but I hear you.

    I have the memory of a peanut. To the point where my daughter, at the young age of 10, has been known to oh-so-eloquently save my ass on numerous occasions.

    Me: “Hi i i i i i i . . . .”
    Samantha: “Hi Judy!”
    Me: “. . . Judy! How are you?”

    • Your daughter sounds like a smart one! I can only hope that my own kids will later throw their poor mama a bone when it comes to remembering people’s names.

  8. When I meet someone new these days I normally start off with,”Hi my name is Maria & it’s nice to meet you. Listen, I totally suck at names. I cannot remember them even if my life depended on it so if you can do me a favor…can you say,”Hi Maria–it’s me_______.” Eventually, after a year or two, I might just get it right,” They laugh and it’s amazing how they remind me their names with a smile.

  9. HA HA! You had me at Nucking Futs! Great post… I’m going to grab a fresh bottle of Scotch and read for a while!

    • I hope you thoroughly enjoyed your bottle of Scotch & that it made reading my little old blog even more entertaining! 😉

  10. I couldn’t agree more. It would help if my kids wore them too. Having 4 totally screws me up and I am always rattling through their names and don’t get it right till I hit the 4th one.

    • LOL Kim! I was the fourth kid (out of nine) and my name was “Aaron, Serena, Gretchin….YOU, you know who you are!!!” for most of my childhood!

    • I’m always doing the same thing with my kids’ names & I only have 2! I’m often calling them the dog’s name, which is REALLY bad. 🙂

  11. Great idea! It will at least get you through that initial meeting but for me….once I walk away I don’t care! haha I can barely remember where I live and the names of my children so the random person better understand and if they don’t…screw em! Stay at home parents shouldn’t be held to any social standard (I am not one of them but I support them, including my wife) 🙂

    • I like the way you think about the whole name thing — how can parents be responsible for other people’s names when they can’t even remember the names of their own damn children??!! 😉

  12. I’m at the point where I not only forget names, but faces. So I’m snubbing people in the street without even realising it. Not good in a smallish town. A woman asked my friend the other day if I was ‘a bit funny’, because I’ve met her several times and still can’t pick her out on the main street. Not ‘funny’ just ‘forgetful’.

    • I think aging just sucks the brain cells out of your head. Everyone deserves a break on being able to remember all the crap we’re expected to remember!!

  13. I wish mine was something that developed, but I have had trouble with names for as long as I can remember. My oldest son (10) has the same problem. There is a lot of “how are YOU doing” in my life.

  14. THIS IS HILARIOUS! i AM LOVING YOUR WEBSITE!

    • Thanks so much for checking out my blog! I post new entries every Monday through Friday so I hope to see you stop by again! 🙂

  15. that is funny! My neighbor for about 4 years calls me Melissa! My name is…Marilyn!!! Now it is just too late- I can’t say- sorry you have been calling me Melissa for 4 years- but now you have to call me Marilyn!! lol

  16. Thats a wonderful read and abso-freaking-lutely true!!! I can understand you, im not too good with names and get ready for this with birthdays either.. which you know makes it all the more worse.. Last time I forgot our anniversary and my boyfriend was like “baby, whos the girl in the relationship!” lol.. and im loving your blog.. ❤

    • Thanks so much for checking out my blog! I swear there’s always some kind of stupid crap happening to me, so I’m constantly getting good writing material. I hope you stop on by again cause the nucking futty good times will be sure to continue! 😉

  17. I have the same problem. I try to use the person’s name at least 3 times in my conversation with them. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does,

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