Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My son is a human pogo stick.

** Turning 29 again this year feels even better than it did the last several times.

** Sending me a coupon in the mail AFTER I just made a big-ass purchase at your store does nothing but piss me off.

** Larry King is to marriage what 2+2 is to 5.

** Kids talk. A. LOT.

** Every day should include a good scalp massage.

** I am a 5 foot, 2 inch chew toy to my asshat of a dog.

** Nobody in this freaking house knows how to replace the empty toilet paper holder.

** There are way too many LOUD people in this world.

** My husband should never be put in charge of family programming.

** Whitney Houston should probably lay off the crack pipe before trying to belt out the high note in “I Will Always Love You”.

** I am a sucker for boys in baseball caps.

** Downhill is WAY more fun than uphill.

** We all live in a yellow submarine.

** It will be nothing short of a miracle if I can finish another book.

** The laundry STILL doesn’t fold itself, even on your birthday.

** Bras are overrated.

** The little guy doesn’t always finish last — sometimes he comes in second to last.

** I may very well O.D. on Benadryl this spring.

** Cheese that doesn’t belong to you is called NACHO CHEESE.  🙂

** My mom was right — I WILL be late for my own funeral.

** I butter A LOT of people’s bread around here, dammit!

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

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10 Responses

  1. i would much rather live in a yellow submarine than on the surface 🙂 and the laundry will fold its self it just wont look like folding more like scattered around the room.

  2. I live in a yellow submarine with a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people eater. LOL.

    Happy Happy birthday to “the definition” of cool!

  3. I think you and my wife would be the best of friends! Good stuff. I can especially relate to the empty toilet paper holder. Although, I don’t mind that one because it gives me the chance to put the roll on with the paper coming over the top instead of around the back the way my wife likes it!

  4. Can’t stop giggling at Nacho cheese. I think I need a vacation.

  5. Happy Birthday!

    (from the bridge of the Yellow Submarine)

  6. Happy 29th!

    I think I need that sign in my cubicle. Safe for work, yes?

  7. Thanks for making me laugh – no small feat after a crummy week health-wise. I just wanted to say I agree with you, except on the bra point. Bras are not overrated; I’ve spent more on a bra than I’ve ever spent on a bottle of alcohol…and that’s for function too…

  8. Love your photo, love your list, and love that you call your dog an asshat. Happy Birthday! Looking forward to returning!

  9. You’re right- bras ARE totally overrated. I think they should be banned.

  10. What is up with NO ONE ever replacing the toilet paper?? So annoying!

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