The Rated-“R” Goody Bag

So this Saturday is going to be party central in my world — two loud and screaming birthday parties for my seven year old twins, all in one glorious day. (Yes, I will be stocking up on wine, thank you very much.) My daughter decided that this year, she would like to add a special touch to the little goody bags that she’ll be handing out as party favors — a cd of all her favorite songs of the moment. Sounds pretty cute, right? Well, it certainly is a cute idea, IF you make sure to check out the song lyrics before sending kids home with a bag full of trucker talk.

Given that I’m not the most technologically savvy, I put my husband in charge of working on the cd with my daughter. I was certain that he realized that these were delicate six and seven year old girls we were talking about and that surely he’d use discretion with song selection. Just to be safe, though, I reminded him to burn ONLY the “radio edit” versions onto the mix. He gave me one of those, “Yeah, yeah” head-nod responses, indicating that there was a good chance that this information was going in one ear and right out the other.

When my daughter excitedly told me the following day that the cd’s were finally complete, I thought it might be kinda fun to listen to the compilation while she and I created the disc jackets together. She agreed, so we happily popped in one of the cd’s as we set to work. You can probably just imagine my shock, then, when I heard the following words of the second song on the mix: “Work it, move that bitch crazy.” Whoopsy daisy! It only got worse from there when the fourth song went on to screech, “It gets me pissed off, it makes me wanna say — FUCK!” Oh dear God! What the hell did my husband do?! He clearly DID NOT listen to each song in its entirety before putting them on the mix. If I sent these freaking things home, I’d no doubt be strung up by my nipples in the village square as my daughter’s uncensored cd’s burned in a big-ass bonfire.

Damage control stepped in to select other MORE APPROPRIATE songs for first grade girls, and the cd’s were respectfully given a “G“-rating instead of an “R“. My husband tried to cover his ass by explaining to me that he assumed the second song was ok because he’d heard it on the radio a bazillion times before, and that the fourth song was in a friggin’ Dreamworks movie, hence making it kid-friendly in his mind. It just goes to show that you’ve got to REALLY open your ears to what your kids are listening to. If they start chattin’ about bitches and ho’s and bangin’ on the bathroom floor, well then you might wanna think about checking their iPods.

**Any guesses on the titles of those two “forbidden” songs on my daughter’s cd??????**

**What song lyrics have you been shocked to hear your own kids singing????**

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35 Responses

  1. LOL! That is too much. And what are the songs???

  2. My kids came home singing something about hittin’ it all night long. I asked WHERE IN THE WORLD they heard that (I don’t even listen to the radio around them) and they said Oh, we listen to (adult only appropriate station…IMO) on the bus. UH, hellz no, called the school, got that taken care of asap!

    • Dear God — the school bus?! I guess somebody likes a little bit more than the wheels on the bus to go round & round, eh? πŸ˜‰

  3. I spent considerable time in the car one day persuading my seven-yr old twins that no, Lily Allen WASN’T singing “fuck you”… it was “thank you”. I mean, how could she possible be singing anything else? πŸ˜›

    • Haha! Luckily, it is easy to make a quick cover up…for NOW anyway. I have a feeling they’ll be figuring it all out sooner rather than later though.

  4. This totally sounds like something my husband would do.

    Hey, can I have a copy?

    • You can totally have a copy of this mix as long as you’re cool with a couple of Taylor Swift songs, as well as some God-awful Kidz Bop tunes. πŸ˜‰

  5. As someone who has had my dear sweet four year old sing the song ‘Birthday Sex’, I can relate!

    banging on the bathroom floor – perhaps Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me?” is on the mix?

    Unfortunately, that is all I have. I suck at this game apparently.

    • “Birthday Sex” — hilarious! Yes, that “bangin’ on the bathroom floor” line was, in fact, from Shaggy. Check the other comments because there were some correct guesses….

  6. I know one is Rockin the Suburbs by my future hubby Ben Folds. πŸ™‚

  7. Haha, that’s great. I will never get the image of my two year old daughter in the backseat one day (radio off at the time), “Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me, dontcha wish you girlfriend was a freak like me” in toddlerspeak. I almost had a heart attack.

    • My kids like to sing that too — blame it on Alvin & the Chipmunks when Alvin was rockin’ out to it in the dishwasher.

  8. LMAO!! My daughter once asked after listening to her favorite song on the radio “Mom what is a ho and why shouldn’t I trust one?!”

    I feel for ya….

  9. I’ll bet you that one was Fired from Ben Folds’ first solo album called Rockin’ the Suburbs. Am I right?

  10. First one is Lady Gaga “Bad Romance” and the second is Ben Folds “Rockin the Suburbs” … Funny post! I would be killed for letting them on my kids cd’s to be given away. Guess it’s a good thing @1_CRAZY_mama doesn’t put me in charge of such stuff

  11. I know the one w/ “bitch” is Lady GaGa’s “Bad Romance” and as already mentioned, the bathroom floor is “Wasnt Me” by Shaggy, but w/o cheating, I don’t know the F-Bomb one!

    • You guessed 2 out of 3 correctly. Check the responses for “DaddyYoEffinRox” — he nailed it! πŸ™‚

  12. HILARIOUS!!!

    Not sure about 4th song but 2nd song is Lady Gaga…Bad Romance.

    I have a friend who found where her daughter (8yr) googled “disco stick”.

  13. do those song lyrics belong to Ke$ha or Lady Gaga? i listen to both and my son loves to listen to both of them. what i have downloaded are the un-edited versions of their songs, so he only gets radio edits. “Blah, Blah, Blah” is two different songs compared to album and radio edits. something must have slipped by since my son asked his daddy what “whore” meant the other day at the Wal-mart. his father ignored the question so i had to deal with it when they returned home. i asked it he had heard it at Wal-mart and he refused to say where. i changed the word’s sound to “boar” and i asked, “did you mean the word, “boar?” and he said, yes, and i told him what it was. crisis averted…for now. take care.

    • Lady Gaga is right for one of them. You’re right about being able to easily distract them about song lyrics when they’re younger. Soon, though, we’re gonna be in trouble cause they’re gonna figure it out all on their own. Ugh.

  14. I have the same problem over here too. My boyfriend’s ex wife thinks it’s okay for their then 6 year old (she’s 9 now) to listen to Hinder who’s #1 hit song was Stoned (Go home, get stoned, because the sex is always better when you’re mad at me)
    About a year ago I was driving somewhere and the radio volume was down to the point that you could hear the guitars, but not the lyrics. I specifically do that because I don’t always listen to the most kid friendly music and also because I encourage my boyfriend to TALK to his daughter because he ex ignores her for 2 weeks straight. Anywho – so you can’t hear the lyrics. All of a sudden from the backseat I hear her singing “I’m so addicted to, all the things you do, when you’re going down on me, in between the sheets.” I hit the roof!! A couple days she was walking around the house singing the “I hate my life” song. And his ex-wife calls me “the Bitch” to her daughter. WTF?? What ever happened to kids listening to Disney soundtracks??

    • Yeah, sounds like the ex needs to take a chill pill & think about her music selections around her daughter.

  15. My mofo youngest, when he was 4, decided Green Day was his most favoritest band EVER. And he proceeded to blast “American Idiot” from his open window as he played along on his drum kit.

    Nothing says “white trash” parents more than that song blaring from a pre-schooler’s open window…or on a mix CD.

  16. We moms joked at dance class about putting our kids in competition… “Under 6 … Jazz… TikTok” b/c they all sing about “brushing their teeth with a bottle of Jack”. The defininition of age innapropriate. Damn Ke$ha

  17. I’d say the worst song my 4 year old has wanted to listen to was ‘La Vie Boheme’ from RENT… With lines like, “to sodomy, it’s between God and me… To S&M!” and “To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo” I’m fairly sure that those are phrases people would so rather not have their children googling…

  18. You know I have a bad “mom-ear” when it comes to my youngest. Probably because I forget she’s in the car with me til I have to get out to go in a store….until she walks in the bathroom singing, “When you see my face hope it gives you hell hope it gives you hellll.” Oh well.

    The funniest one lately is all of my kids (11, 9, & 6) in the car singing: “It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk & I need you now.” LOL. Why does that song have to be so catchy?

  19. Great Story, hey I found this post while surfing for lyrics. Thanks for sharing I’ll email my friends about this too.

    • Thanks! I love having new readers — the more, the merrier! Thanks for checking me out! πŸ™‚

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