Get To Work!



     You know what was really great about date night this weekend?  Getting away from all the stress of the kids and enjoying an adults only night out. You know what wasn’t great about date night this weekend?  Coming home to a house that looked like a bomb exploded all over the freaking place.  And I gotta tell ya, it’s really kinda hard to “get into the mood” when you’re tripping over Legos, Nerf bullets, and popcorn with every single step that you take.  

     So, as a result of said frustration, I had to take matters into my own hands and lay down the law when the two shorties got up yesterday morning. They needed to know that just because a teenage babysitter may or may not have been texting away on her purple Justin Bieber cellphone all night, that most certainly did not give them the license to turn our friggin’ homestead into a damn pig sty.  Therefore, I climbed up on my soapbox and informed them that they would march their little asses right down to the basement and spend however long it took them to pick up every flippin’ thing off the floor or else all birthday parties would be cancelled next weekend.  (Now would I REALLY follow through with this mean of a threat? Hell no!  I mean, shit, I’m no Mommy Dearest or anything, but they needed to know that I meant business and to shake in their boots just a little bit.)

     After giving them a good hour of cleaning up time downstairs, I thought I’d pop down to see just how the progress was coming.  I was sure that they would’ve had to make some kind of headway.  But when I poked my head into the playroom, I found my daughter shuffling construction paper piles and my son staring contentedly at a dust bunny in a corner.  Clearly, an intervention was necessary.  So I gave them very specific tasks and told them I’d check on them again in a half an hour.  And when I went downstairs a second time, they were both hiding underneath the bean bag chairs in the fetal position.  Seriously, kids, WTF?!  I realized that sadly,  I was working with a crew of monkeys.    

     Luckily for me, the assistant foreman (aka my hubby) overheard my hissy fit and stepped in to help get a grip of the out-of-control situation. I gladly put him in charge of overseeing the remainder of the project since this was obviously going to need on-site supervision.  I don’t really know how he did it (nor do I really give a rat’s ass), but he was somehow able to light a fire under some itty bitty asses and finally get that basement spick and freaking span halfway throughout the afternoon.

     So, yeah, maybe I posed a threat that was secretly empty, and maybe I exploded just a wee bit too much, but I get so sick and tired of cleaning up one mess only to find yet another in its path.  I don’t get paid a damn dime for this maid gig, people, and I flat out refuse to bring more kid shit into this house if we can’t even organize the shit that we already have.  Now don’t go thinking that I’m gonna freak out in the middle of the night about wire hangers or anything — I haven’t gone that far off the deep end just yet.  And besides, my kids know better than to use anything but PLASTIC hangers anyway.


5 Responses

  1. HA!!! dont feel bad your far from alone!! now imagine all that and being prego!! AND on modified bed rest!! today was trash day.. all trash in the house had to be outside.. guess what i woke up to?? a over flowing kitchen trash can.. AFTER the trash man had come by. Oldest daughter is supposed to put away dry dishes.. yea she hasnt in 2 days so i piled more dishes on there for her today. its gonna make me laugh to watch her try to put them away with out them all falling on her!!! certian things i give up on i figure ill let them live in their mess until they get sick of it.. and trust me when they cant find what they need and are late to school.. they get sick of it!!!

  2. I’m afraid this won’t go away, even when they are teenagers. My 16yr is blind to all the shit she leaves strewn about the house like we live in a war zone. When I ask her to clean it up- she has cramps. Kill me now!

  3. I had this same issue this weekend but my son and his room. I finally wrote down a list of things for him to do. That helped. 5-I’m tireds 3-I’m thirsties 4- What time is its later it was acceptable looking. I’m really over this tug of war. There must be a book for this condition right or maybe a pill?

  4. I threatened to cancel Easter twice in the lead-up to Chocolate Explosion Day. The whole shebang. Twice. Someone say ‘Empty Threat’? The Lego drives me crazy, all those teeny tiny pieces that seem to crawl to every corner. You are entitled to a nuclear meltdown over that stuff.

  5. All kids need on-site supervision in order to clean up. Even with a Mom who will threaten (& most certainly follow-through) with throwing away everything on the floor. I don’t know why, but it’s like the second we leave the room, they develop amnesia: “Now what was I supposed to be doing in here? Oh yeah, playing.”

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