Easter on the Road

Did you know that the Easter bunny has a kick-ass GPS system?  Yep, it seems that floppy-earred furball’s not gonna let a little thing like geography trip him up on making all his deliveries.  So if you happened to be in downtown Chattanooga on Saturday night and wondered why an overgrown rabbit was lurking around the Sheraton, don’t get your Peeps all in a bunch over it.  He was simply making a very special stop for two little shorties super duper early on Easter morning.

In hindsight, it would’ve really helped the Head Hare out if I’d thought to bring all the Easter goodies with us when we left for our week-long road trip to Florida, but we all know what hindsight is — a crockpot full of crap.  Naturally, I forgot all about grabbing the stash in the mad rush to get out of the house and onto the road.  So, by the time we finally stopped for the night in Tennessee on our return trip home, we realized that we were twelve eggs short of a dozen.  I sent my husband out to the nearest Walgreens after we finally got the kids to sleep, and he came back with some seriously slim pickins.  He had to beg, borrow and plead and do everything but offer the manager sexual favors in order to convince her to sell him the only remaining Easter grass in town, which just so happened to be part of their store display.  She finally obliged, so he grabbed some M&M’s, Reese’s eggs, a couple of crappy baskets and a bag of plastic eggs and raced back over to the hotel.

Realizing that we needed something else to spice up the lackluster loot, we decided to pool our money together, scrounging up as many quarters and dollar bills that we could find, and we went to work, cramming chocolates and cash into as many eggs as we possibly could.  I made the unfortunate mistake of laying down to “rest my eyes” for a few minutes, so my husband was left with the task of finding some decent hiding places for all the eggs in the hotel room.  (And for the record, a hotel room is NOT ideal for egg hunting.)

When the kids woke up the next morning, they were totally stoked to see that they hadn’t been forgotten.  They raced around picking up eggs and counting all their findings. They were amazed that the Big Bunny had still managed to track them down. That’s the great thing about kids — their little brains are so young and innocent that you can tell them just about anything and they’ll believe you.  If I could somehow squeeze them into one of these blue plastic eggs and protect them from all the REAL bullshit that’s out there in the world, I’d hippity hop to it in a heartbeat.

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11 Responses

  1. You completely described our Easter-eve scene in exact detail, except that we were AT HOME and my husband DID offer the Walgreen’s manager sexual favors. She turned him down but ponied up the grass anyway (probably in an attempt to get the 6’4″ man refusing to leave the store at closing and discussing sexual favors to leave – it was that or call the cops.)
    😉

  2. My husband has this comic up in his office & it cracks me up every time. I’m glad the EB found your kids.

    Sat. night I had an epiphany: Why is it the Santa & the EB are males when it’s the Moms who run out & get everything (or at least remember to get it)? I’m kinda glad when the kids find out “the truth” because then I get my props.

    • I totally agree! They should realize how much running around we MOMS do to get all this crap ready for them! My husband often has no clue what Santa or the Easter Bunny is even leaving for the kids!

  3. I too shopped late Saturday…plus I stole from the Easter stuff my in-laws left for the kids. How ethical is that? Then again, I am lying to my kids to perpetuate the EB stocker myth.

    • I don’t think you “borrowing” from the in-laws stuff is unethical at all (maybe that’s cause I tried to do the same thing when we got back from FL & the kids picked up an M&M-filled egg that they’d already seen before we left but had forgotten about it — they thought the Easter Bunny had come while we were away & I played along w/it.) 😉

  4. I LOVE that my daughter has very little long term memory and has no FRICKIN clue what the EB is. Made buying those eggs and candy in front of her a lot easier.
    Downside is we had to help her find all those frickin eggs.
    BTW I’m w/ Jasmine and this sexist holiday stuff.

    • Yes, it is nice when you can do the shopping right in front of them without them realizing what the hell’s going on. Those days are over for us. And yes, totally agree about the sexist thing too!

  5. Similar story except no excuses..we were home. I bought everything a while back and either lost some of it or was delusional when I bought it..it wasn’t great. I pulled everything out at midnight..I had been drinking to recover from the Egg Hunt from hell earlier in the day. I resorted to stuffing money into eggs. She never even saw it..she was so stoked over the zhu zhu baby what the hell ever thing she didn’t check the eggs for loot. Just reminded me..I need to get the dollar bills out of the eggs…just sayin’

    • Haha! I’ve learned that drinking while playing Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. never does anything but cause problems for me. Did you read about the time I accidentally gave my daughter $1.75 for her tooth instead of $2? 🙂

  6. Really loved this clever post!
    Lindsey Petersen

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