Chuck E. Cheese Pandemonium

     You’ve probably heard about all the recent violence that’s occurred at various Chuck E. Cheese’s throughout the country, right?  Adults are fighting, kids are fighting, and people are just generally making complete asses of themselves all in the presence of Mr. Cheese.  There’s even one location in Wisconsin that’s required the cops to come and bust up twelve different fights over the span of just a couple years. The thing that I don’t understand, though, is why everyone seems to be so shocked by all this insanity.  I mean seriously, people, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CHUCK E. CHEESE??!!!  That kind of environment would make any sane person go balls to the wall crazy.  They should change their tagline to “Where a kid can be a raging lunatic.

     Just think about it for a minute — you pretty much know you’ve entered the depths of HELL the moment you walk into a Chuck E. Cheese.  The banging and beeping and screaming and shrieking reverberates throughout your entire body.  Ear plugs should just be automatically handed out at the door to protect your hearing.  And the flashing lights!  Oh, the flashing lights!  They’re EVERYWHERE and they’re bright enough to burn your damn retinas.  A person can only take all this banging and flashing for so long before it starts to really mess with the mind.

     And then there’s the tens of thousands of kids who are darting about like they ate crack for breakfast.  Manners are checked at the door, and you better be prepared to elbow any guy who tries to cut in front of you in the Skee-Ball line.  Best believe NOBODY wants to wait his turn.  Patience just doesn’t exist within the walls of Chuck E. Cheese.  You should also plan on putting a death grip on any tickets you win from the games since they will no doubt be swiped right off the floor if you drop them.  Hell, they might even be pried right from your own hand if you’re not paying attention.  It’s a dog eat dog world in the arcade area, so your bite better be as freaking loud as your bark.

     And furthermore, does the giant mouse image not bother anyone else but me?  Personally, I don’t really like associating a place that sells food with rodents.  If you ask me, the very symbol of their whole entire franchise instills fear and panic.  Who knows, maybe people become so crazed in there because they’re internally worried about mice shitting all over their pepperoni pizza.  

     Actually, I think it’s pretty surprising that all this violence has taken so long to finally come to a head.  The whole concept itself is a serious recipe for disaster.  You put a shit ton of hyped up kids with a shit ton of stressed out adults in one very loud and very crowded place together, and there’s bound to be trouble.  And this, my friends, is why I avoid Chuck E. Cheese like the flipping plague.  Isn’t life crazy enough without a giant varmint singing and dancing and brainwashing our kids to waste all our money on germ-infested arcade machines?  (That was a rhetorical question.)


7 Responses

  1. dude, the singing animatronic band is enough to give nightmares to a kid for a lifetime! What they need to do is add a bar so parents can do a few shots and thus be more capable of dealing with the insanity that is that place!! 😉

    Thanks for stopping by PJ&C. Appreciate, yo! 😉


  2. I have yet to enter through the doors of a Chuck E .Cheese and am doing everything within my power to make sure I (or my daughter) never have to! I’ve already successfully dodged several invites for play dates there, but I know the inevitable bday invite is right around the corner…..eeeke.

  3. I have never, ever, been to a Chuck E Cheese and I don’t plan on it in my lifetime.

    This is one of the perks of living way out in the sticks. Lolol!

  4. I recently had my first Chuck E Cheese experience for my god daughter’s birthday. It was horrible and terrifying and I will never do it again. But I feel like I earned some kind of “American Parent” merit badge, and now I never have to do it again.

  5. We had my son’s 4th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. When that giant rat came over to say happy birthday he FREAKED out! He was scared of Chuck E Cheese for years and years. No birthday parties for son #2 at Chuck E Cheese!

  6. I remember when it was a throw down between Chuck e. Cheese and Showbiz pizza. Chuckie won and bought out Showbiz. I went to both and saw more animatronics than anyone needed. I remember distinctly that both of these places had areas for adults; you were allowed to smoke and they had a big screen tv with sitcoms on it. I always wanted to hang out there but my Mom liked to kick me out so she could get her smoke and diet coke on. The place also had tons of video games and less of a play area. Now they have to have the play area and less games so the fatties can at least run around for exercise.

    The one where I grew up became so ghetto that you had to present an ID to show proof of age during school hours. I had friends who worked there and told me of all the icky things they’d pull out of the ball pit.

    We’ve taken the crew to the one up this way; it’s a little more rednecky out here so the people are a little less nasty and a little less crowded, though we go during the week. I don’t come within 10 feet of that place on the weekend.Your descriptions are spot on. They’ve updated the Cheese since the days of yore; it’s a lot less creepy. I hadn’t heard about the violence thats ensued there, though I’m not surprised.

    While I don’t smoke I’d support a movement that put an adult smoking section back into the place just so I could eat a slice of heart attack without my kid all up in my biz.

    • I totally remember Showbiz pizza! I used to love that place! It was WAY better than Chuck E. Cheese if you ask me.

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