The Tooth Fairy Eff Up


     You would think that after several experiences at handling my Tooth Fairy duties, I’d have the hang of it by now, right?  Yeah, I thought so too, but apparently, I’ve gotten a little too big for my tutu.  I thought I could easily throw back a couple glasses of wine and still spread my magical goodness under my daughter’s pillow at night. Unfortunately, though, I overestimated my counting abilities after hanging out with Mr. Kendall Jackson a little too long.

     My daughter is pretty brave when it comes to giving her teeth that last little tug they need to break free from the cozy haven of her mouth.  So, one evening last week when her latest wiggly tooth was barely hanging on by a thread, she decided to twist and pull till it finally popped right out.  She safely tucked it into her little tooth purse and placed it under her pillow in hopes of waking up to a bag of loot.  

      Naturally, this was a time when my husband was out of town, so I knew that I’d have to rely on whatever cash just so happened to be in my wallet.  (I rarely EVER have money in my wallet.)  I didn’t realize until later, however, that all I had in there was a $20 bill.  Since there was no way in hell I was about to leave a $20 bill for one freaking tooth, I decided quarters would have to suffice.  The only problem was that after relaxing with a couple glasses of wine, I couldn’t remember if the last tooth had gotten $1 or $2 from the tooth fairy.  Crap!  So after a decent amount of hemming and hawing, I convinced myself that $2 was the right amount.  So I grabbed a handful of quarters from my husband’s spare change jar and counted out $2 in change (or so I thought).  I made a big note to myself to be sure to swipe the tooth and leave the moola in the little purse under my daughter’s pillow before I dragged myself to bed.  

     The next morning my daughter came running down the stairs all full of squeals and smiles.  “Mommy, mommy, the tooth fairy came!  She left me seven quarters!”  WTF?!  I swore I counted those damn things correctly and put eight of them there.  “Are you sure you counted right, sweetie?” I asked her.  But my daughter assured me that she counted them more than once.  She seemed thrilled with her earnings, but I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of half-assed fairy leaves a weird amount  like $1.75 for a damn tooth?  

     Next time, I’m gonna have to step it up and be more on my A-game.  Clearly, the fairy needs to lay off the sauce when she’s on duty.  It’s not a good idea to drink and fly anyway.  She also needs to be sure to hit up the ATM and have some freaking bills on hand and skip the quarter counting altogether.  I wouldn’t want to give the woman a bad reputation or anything.


14 Responses

  1. I have three kids, two of which have or are losing teeth. My boys compare, so I have to try to remember what exactly I gave the older one for that particular tooth. IT gets crazy. This made me chuckle though. 😉

  2. At least the tooth fairy at your house leaves money during the night. The one at my house doesn’t show up until the next morning when she has to find a way to casually drop the money. Then when my daughter is utterly disappointed that she didn’t get anything, I can jump out at say “Here it is on the floor. It must have fallen off your bed!”

  3. I bet if you’d had another glass of wine, she’d have scored the 20 bucks.

  4. Ha! My daughter has lost 7 or 8 (who can keep up) teeth, and I still don’t have it right. 🙂

  5. I think you have the right idea with the quarters! She was probably psyched about getting 7! The tooth fairy duties stink! It’s a lot of pressure for the Mommies (I mean fairies)!

  6. HaHaHa! The tooth fairy is clearly under a LOT of pressure if she’s hitting the sauce that much!

  7. That was hysterical!!! St Nicholas had tipped back way too many Mich Ultras this past year, he might have stolen ur tootoo!!

  8. I always forget & then convinced my kids that we were on the tooth fairy’s day route 🙂

  9. Growing up my parents used to leave me half dollars or dollar coins because they were “more special” than regular bills….

    • I know someone who gets the $1 coins & puts glitter glue on them to make them look like magical coins. Cute idea, but sounds like too much work for me. 🙂

  10. My daughter lost her first tooth yesterday. I’m thinking the tooth fairy overpaid…I was adding inflation for all the years that have passed since I was a kid…hmmm

    • The first tooth got more money in our house. All teeth after that get less. You could always use that rationale. 🙂

  11. Wow…$1.75? The recession’s a bitch, ain’t it?

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