Things I’ve Learned This Week

 

    I’ve decided that every Friday I’m gonna try something new here on my blog — it’s gonna be called “Things I’ve Learned This Week” and will allow me to reflect on all the shit that’s been thrown my way over the past seven days.  So here’s what enlightened me this week: 

** Getting bitten on the ass when you get out of the shower is not as arousing as it may sound.

** If I want to take a little nap, I should flip on this season’s “American Idol”.

** Apparently, it’s really funny when you puke on your parent’s face.

** My car automatically finds the slowest person on the road to get behind.

** Caffeine is WAY better than sex.  Well…not really.  But it certainly was this week anyway.

** I really shouldn’t be trusted with a razor.  Ever.

** Girl Scout cookies are laced with crack.

** My bras are highly entertaining to six year olds.

** There’s a conspiracy amongst the members of my household to act like bafoons when my husband goes out of town.

** If I need to learn how to properly throw a tantrum, I should give Jay Leno a call.

** Four o’clock a.m. is most certainly NOT my favorite hour of the day.

** My dog’s been studying the Kama Sutra to spice things up with his girlfriend, Betty.

** I will NEVER speak the language of Starbucks correctly.

** I will be wiping my kids’ asses until they’re 45.

** Sid the Science Kid makes me grateful for earplugs.

** There’s actually green stuff (I believe it’s called GRASS?) underneath all that snow on the ground.

** I could really use twelve sets of arms.

** The Bachelor is a typical douchebag guy who only thinks with his penis.

** The dishes in the sink DO NOT put themselves away overnight.

** A seven year old kid does not make a good air traffic controller.

** I could cook a Thanksgiving turkey with all the heat I radiate while I sleep.

** Despite what I may think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

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10 Responses

  1. Thanks for writing these blogs. You are simply hilarious and you make my day. Nice to see other homes are like mine.

    Keep up the good work !

  2. Amen to Idol & GS cookies!! Preach on! (& did your dog bite you in the a$$? cuz that’s messed up!)

  3. Fun and all too familiar… I’m a mother of 4 (1 set of twins in there too), dog owner, entrepreneur and married to a traveling man. But that’s life in all it’s complexity and I love it. Looking fwd to reading your blog & tweeting with you!

  4. As a Momma to two month old twins, a two year old and a sixteen year old stepson (who moved in with us three days after the twins came home from nicu ; ) I remind myself frequently that this is not more than I can handle. Thank you God for all of my boys!
    Love your blog, started reading while I was pregnant. It’s nice to know I’m not the only batsh** crazy mom out here. Thanks : )

  5. Hilarious…apparently we were learning many of the same lessons this week 😉

  6. Girl, u definitely make me smile! As always, I needed it & enjoyed it!

  7. If you make this a weekly post, I may have to stop posting on my own blog and just link to yours. Awesomeness!

  8. nice one, NFM. the only thing i learned this week was thanks to a note left on the windshield of my wife’s car. and it’s something i already knew.

    she couldn’t drive a peg in a billy-goat’s ass with a bass fiddle.

  9. Thank you! It is so great to read your blog and know that I’m not the only one out there dealing with these things…..you have such a way with words, and I love how you’re able to pull it all in and put it in perspective!

  10. I can help you out with the Starbucks stuff.

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