The Loveseat Freak


     My husband is a huge fan of selling our unwanted crap on Craigslist.  While I’ll give him the fact that we’ve made some decent money from it, the whole idea kinda creeps me out.  Now maybe I am a little paranoid, but I’m just not real crazy about the idea of having a complete stranger come and roam around our basement.  Sure the “Craigslist Killer” headlines are in the back of my mind, but this fear goes back even farther than that.

     Before the days of the mighty mighty internet, you may recall that we had to actually take out an ad in the classified section of the newspaper if we wanted to cash in on our useless junk.  You had to submit a brief description of your item and include your home phone number (because remember, there were also no such thing as cell phones back then).  And much like Craigslist, you’d set up a time and a location to meet with potential buyers to hopefully conduct a sale.

     I remember one such occasion when my mom was trying to sell the loveseat in our living room.  She’d placed an ad in the paper and had received several interested calls, but no one who was really very serious about buying it.  Naturally, it wasn’t until my dad was out of town for the entire week on business that she finally got a call from a man who seemed extremely interested.  He asked 10,000 questions about it (color, fabric, measurements, etc.) and said he wanted to come and see it in person.  So, my mom mapped out the exact directions of just how to get him to our house. And then, things got weird.  In fact, things got VERY weird.

     He proceeded to tell my mom about all the freaky deaky things he wanted to DO to her on that said loveseat.  He went into enormous porno-style detail as my mom stood there horrified with the phone in her hand.  Naturally, she hung up as fast as she could when she finally snapped out of her shock, and then she went into severe panic mode. This pervert knew EXACTLY how to get to our house!  And don’t forget that my dad was, of course, out of town for the whole freaking week!  She put our neighbors on high alert and encouraged them to report any suspicious activity.  Luckily, nothing ever happened (thank God), and it was probably just some lonely freakshow who was looking for a way to get off on someone else’s fear.  Sicko.

     So, as you can imagine, this whole incident has made it a little difficult for me not to judge people who respond to our Craigslist ads.  Can I help it if I worry that the man who comes to look at our ancient bike rack is gonna pull out a whip, a chain, and an anal probe and ask me to smile pretty for the camera?  Needless to say, I’ve completely taken myself out of having anything to do with the selling of our old shit.  If my hubby wants to ward off Ted Bundy or Hannibal Lector to sell a damn toaster oven, then that’s his choice.  I, however, want nothing to do with it.


16 Responses

  1. LMAO! I think if my mom had had an experience like that id be wary for selling stuff to strangers too!!!! i hope ur hubby doesnt have to ward off to many ted bundys!

    • None of that stuff ever freaks my hubby out. I’m way more paranoid than he is. I definitely worry enough for the 2 of us! 🙂

  2. This is exactly why whenever I sell something on craigslist, I meet the buyer at my local Starbucks, never my house. Of course that would be kind of hard to do if I was selling a loveseat, LOL!

  3. Oh that’s just NASTY! Poor Mamma Nucking Futs!

    Yeah, I have issues with people coming to my house, too. I do Freecycle; it’s where the really old shit I don’t want and isn’t worth trying to sell can be listed and people come and pick it up. Free labor to move it out of my house and free for them. It’s great BUT I then have random people coming to my house. I just leave it on the porch and make sure to lock all my doors. But then they KNOW where I live. Ick.

    If it’s toaster-sized stuff then yeah, local Starbucks. If it’s sofa sized stuff then let Mr. Nucking Futs handle it. While you and the offspring are G O N E.

    • I’ve never heard of Freecycle — I’ll have to look into that cause we have a whole lot of shit in our garage that nobody in their right mind would ever consider paying for.

  4. I agree with Hanna, let Mr. Nucking Futs handle the sales with you and the kids M.I.A.

    I think the easier way to handle getting rid of stuff would be a yard sale. Yes, they know where you live, but it’s a more community feel and they’re not inside your house.

    • Oh Lord, the yard sale. We did that a few years ago to get rid of a ton of baby crap (with twins, you accumulate A LOT!) We made almost a $1000, which was great, but it was such a pain in the ass. I vowed to never do it again. Plus, there were some freaks that are hardcore garage sale shoppers! Showing up an hour before the start of it & trying to steal stuff from us!

  5. with you on this one too. I don’t even like calling repairmen because the thought of some random guy coming to my house & staying for a few hours is creepy. I don’t know these people. Unfortunately my husband is not even slightly handy so it’s either call the repairman or learn how to fix it myself.

    • I know what you mean about repairmen — that always creeps me out too. Feel like I should carry some mace in my bra or something.

  6. OMFH!! That is so funny! Now I will never sell anything on Craig’s list!

  7. those ads? are HILARIOUS!
    Thanks for stopping by Pajamas and Coffee today!
    Good to stop over here and say hey as well. Hope you’re doing great! Blog looks awesome!

    • Well, thanks for stopping by here! I honestly LOVE your writing! You are one of my favorite bloggers out there & I’m gonna make it a point to hop over to your blog more often. Great stuff! 🙂

  8. If it wasn’t for craigslist, I wouldn’t of had such a nice wedding for $1200! When I’m selling things, I never let anyone come to my home unless I know my husband is there and it’s something I can’t throw in my car (like a t.v.).

    • I agree that there are definitely some real advantages to Craigslist — you can make some good money. I just was forever scarred by that loveseat experience.

  9. Ha HA! I’m dying because I just had the weirdest craigslist experience of my life last week. I’ve got a blog post planned but haven’t gotten to writing it yet.
    hmmm…maybe it’s time to make the time, huh?
    and yes, the loveseat experience would have scarred me for life, too.

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