Pimping Cookies

     Now that everybody’s making New Year’s resolutions to cut back on the sweets and hit the treadmill, it’s time to sell good old calorie-packed Girl Scouts cookies!  Seriously, could the timing be worse or what?  It would make WAY more sense to sell them in November so people could stuff their faces with them all throughout the holiday season and wave it off as part of the festive fanfare.  But no, they decided to do it now, like dangling a piece of raw meat in front of a starving dog.  So, since it’s my daughter’s first year as a Daisy (which is the low man on the Girl Scouts totem pole), we bundled the hell out of ourselves and headed out for a little door-to-door action.

     I thought for sure that people would be super annoyed by the time they opened their doors, given that my daughter rang each doorbell no less than two hundred times.  I tried to remind her at each house to just ring it once, but she insisted on pushing each bell over and over again.  And much to my surprise, people were actually very willing to open up their wallets for us.  I think the fact that it was only TEN DEGREES outside really worked to our advantage.  People seemed to feel sorry for us, and therefore, some sort of obligation to at least buy something since we did, after all, drag our asses out into the arctic air to sell the damn things.  I’m sure it also didn’t hurt that my daughter couldn’t help but bat her unbelievably gorgeous eyes at each potential customer and that she sealed the deal with her adorably toothless big ear-to-ear grin.  

     Out of the twenty-two houses we visited, twenty actually bought cookies from us.  And naturally, the two who didn’t were total a-holes.  A kid answered the door at one of these two houses, and we could actually hear his dad scream in the background, “No!  We don’t want any cookies!!!!”  Honestly, would it hurt to at least ATTEMPT to decline politely?  Talk about rude!  But don’t you worry — I’ll remember that when your snot-nosed kid comes to my door in the future to sell me some stupid shit or another!  The other nay-sayer said they would be out of town when the cookies were delivered, so they’d have to pass.  Really?  That’s your excuse?  Have you ever heard of a little thing called NEIGHBORS?  I’m sure a neighbor could have held onto them for him or hell, we’d even hold them back for him until he returned!  It was such a lame rationalization that I wasn’t even gonna waste my breath with a solution for getting the cookies to him.  Idiot.

     At the end of our little excursion, my little saleslady had managed to unload a monumental total of NINETY-THREE boxes of Girl Scouts cookies!  I’m not sure who was more proud, her or me.  I had to literally drag her in from the street or else she would have continued ringing each doorbell in our neighborhood all stinkin’ night long!  I just pray that she keeps up this same excited energy when we have to deliver all the freaking things in February when there’s a foot of snow on the damn ground.  Yeah, I’m looking REAL forward to that.


12 Responses

  1. LMAO!!! Love that Girl Scout pic!!! Busted out laughing on that one!
    I haven’t bought Girl Scout cookies from a Girl Scout in ions! My husband buys them from the Girl Scouts dad at work. Yep, no more door to door in my area. Just go to your local corporate business and ask around. I’m sure you’ll find someone or even several moms or dads selling Girl Scout cookies. Maybe Scouting should be opened to the older generations now. I think it gives us middle aged parents something to do.

    • I sent the order form to work with my hubby today to pimp out more cookies. The pain in the ass part is gonna be all the sorting & delivering — ugh, totally dreading that!

  2. 20 out of 22 is awesome! I’d buy 6 boxes if you showed up at my house, resolutions be damned. But, I do think Girl Scouts should really re-think their marketing plan – Oct. Would be the ideal month!

  3. is there a contest to sell the most? If so, I hope your little Daisy kicks ass 🙂

    I hated door to door selling as a kid. Kudos to her!

  4. Awesome pic!

    Just know that if you showed up at my door with a box of cookies, I’d totally buy one.

  5. Love that picture. That is awesome!

  6. I’m a daisy mom and co-leader of our girls troop and we are ramping up for cookie mania here in Alaska….

    I hope my girl does as well…unfortunately, ALL the girls in our troop also live in the same subdivision. I think we may have to infiltrate other troop zones in order to get anywhere near 93 boxes to start.

    I’m afraid my house will turn into thin-mint and do-si-doe’s warehouse once they are delivered…yeah that’s gonna be REAL Fun!

    Thanks for the timely blog post.

  7. HAHAHA that picture is hilarious! And WOW huge congrats on your daughters sales!! I’d buy a box (or fifty) if you guys rang my doorbell – I’m a SUCKER for thin mints and Tagalongs ❤ NOM!

  8. Great post!

    When I was a kid, the neighbors used to just hand me a twenty when they answered the door. Guess they saw me coming and knew the drill. 🙂 But I wasn’t selling cookies, it was normally some misc. fundraiser for school. Spell-a-thon, jog-a-thon, chocolate bars, pizza vouchers, you name it.

  9. I’m the leader of my DD#2’s Brownie Troop and the co-leader of DD#1’s Junior troop. We start on the 20th. Down here in TX we get the cookies FIRST and then sell them. That means come Saturday I will have 75 CASES of cookies in my house for the troop. My DDs want to sell 350 boxes EACH–and I’m getting married in 4 months. I really kind of loathe cookie season.

    re the sorting….start saving grocery bags, create a little ticket for each sale to staple on the bag and have her help you sort them when they come in. Your daisy did a great job!

    • Thanks for the cookie sorting tip! I’m sure it’ll be chaos at its finest when those puppies come in! 🙂

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