The Fugly Sweater

     Following in the footsteps of our non-traditional Thanksgiving, our Christmas this year was also a very alternative one.  We went over to our same friends’ house who hosted us for turkey day for some good old festive fun.  There were three total families there, with a whopping sum of seven kids in all.  You can probably just imagine how apeshit crazy the kids were for Santa & his antlered bitches to swoop into town later on that night.  To add to the fun, the wives had conspired to have an ugliest sweater contest amongst our men, and I am proud to say that my hubby won, hands down, with his unbelievably gay and merry ensemble.

     Shopping for the appropriate sweater for this little contest was no easy task either.  I was actually surprised to learn just how hard it is to find a man’s Christmas sweater period, let alone a fugly one.  My mom and I looked EVERYWHERE when I went back home last weekend, and the only thing I found that was even a remote possibility was located in the larger “WOMAN” department of Target.  All I needed was a good base, since I planned to bedazzle the hell outta the thing. The one I chose was black with a green embroidered Christmas tree on it, and I then bought glittery snowflakes, beads, jewels, and multi-colored sequins to hot glue on it.  When my mom and I were finished with it, it was one hot mess of a sweater, just the exact look I was going for.

     And just before heading over to our friends’ house on Christmas Eve, I found the mother of all mothers as far as Christmas attire goes — my mother-in-law’s red plaid wool pants, which just so happened to be hanging in the closet of our guest bedroom.  Somehow or another, I convinced my husband to wear these pants with his bedazzling sweater, and he could not have looked more ridiculous.  I laughed so hard that I nearly fell down at the sight of him.  He reminded me of Cousin Eddy from Christmas vacation — the only thing he was missing was a pair of white patent leather shoes.  It was perfect!

     When our friends got a glimpse of him in this get-up, they didn’t quite know what to say.  It was truly hard to carry on a serious conversation with him without busting into snickers and howls. Needless to say, his sweater was by far the ugliest of the group.  The best part of the night came when the three husbands decided to play Beatles Rock Band in their idiotic-looking duds.  They looked like a REALLY feminine boy band gone wrong.  It was priceless!

     So, once again, our friends really came through for us during yet another difficult time.  Being without my family for the first Christmas ever was extremely hard for me, but the laughter and the fun of being with good friends (and a few too many Holy Berries) helped to put me in a jollier mood.  It also didn’t hurt to have a husband who was willing to make himself look like a complete jackass all to amuse me.  🙂


9 Responses

  1. What? No picture of the fugly sweater boy band?

    That is an awesome sweater, though. Truly awesome in the most fugly of ways.

  2. O I love your posts, and I am glad you had fun on Christmas even though it started out as a bummer. I think that little unborn Dixie did not appreciate me laughing quite so hard, but it is all good. I must say though my favorite line in this whole post is, “You can probably just imagine how apeshit crazy the kids were for Santa & his antlered bitches to swoop into town later on that night.” That is such beautiful imagery.

    • Haha! Between the anticipation over Santa & all the sugar from the Christmas cookies that they all stuffed their faces with, I thought they were all gonna spontaneously combust before the night was over. It was a lot of fun though. Hope you had a good Christmas too! 🙂

  3. Love it! What is a Holy Berry? It sounds awesome.

  4. O…..the Holy Berries! My, my, my…doesn’t Jeff look wonderful! I have to show this one to his brother! I am ready for some serious fun at your place again!!!! Maybe we will see you soon! Love you guys!

  5. I thought those pants looked familar!! AND the last 3-4 days I have been lamenting the fact that my brand new Christmas sweater is up there! It is red with red flowers & green leaves, zipper, collar et al. Probably would have been too small. When you look at the picture of himself he posted several weeks ago on his blog, when he was about 10 yrs old, in a Slabtown Skit, you can see that he hasn’t changed much since then!! That’s a terrific pic! You did a great job with the sweater!!
    Love You!

  6. Priceless! What a great sport. LOL!

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