Holiday Hanky Panky


     Every year at Christmas, my husband always puts panties in my stocking.  Some people get candy; I get thongs.  Now, normally this wouldn’t be any big deal.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been known to turn down a new pair of undies, especially when they’re pretty ones. However, when your father-in-law and your own dad are sitting right there next to you as you pull out these new skivvies, it can be a little uncomfortable, to say the very least.

     I remember one particular year when my twins were about three years old and very curious about anything and everything.  My husband had taken advantage of the five for $25 sale at Victoria’s Secret and had picked out various colors and patterns of thongs to place inside my stocking.  One of these pairs just so happened to be hot pink, which has always been my daughter’s absolute favorite color. I’d gone first in opening the contents of my stocking that Christmas morning, all the while cringing with each pair that I unwrapped alongside my father-in-law and my dad. After I finished, we all turned our attention to my mom as she unwrapped her stocking’s goodies. And at just about that same time, my daughter decided to take it upon herself to pull on that hot freaking pink thong right over the outside of her pajama bottoms and run around the living room like a damn lunatic. We all laughed and tried our best to just shake it off, but you could cut the tension in that room with a butter knife.  I knew that my father-in-law and my dad had absolutely no desire to see that thong being modeled by their daughter-in-law/daughter, much less their three year old granddaughter.

     Then there was the year when my husband tried to buy me a pair of Hanky Panky’s.  If you’re not familiar with the Hanky Panky, it’s supposedly “the world’s most comfortable thong”.  They’re very pretty, made of stretchy lace fabric and are labeled as “one size fits all”. My husband just knew that I’d most certainly want to surround my ass in this type of self-proclaimed comfort.  Somehow or another, though, the lady at Nordstrom’s sent him to the wrong department (completely unbeknownst to him), and he ended up buying me a pair of “plus” size panties.  (Side note: I am 5’2″ and have a petite frame.) When I pulled these panties out of my stocking, I couldn’t help but be confused by their size. As I held them up to scrutinize them, my husband reassured me that these panties were “one size fits all”.  I tried my best to be appreciative and remain optimistic that these “plus” size panties would be able to accomodate every sized ass in America, but deep inside, I really had my doubts.  Once again, I could sense the uneasiness of the older male figures in the room and calmly shoved the thong to the side until I could get to the root of the problem.  Upon further investigation later on, I discovered that they were, in fact, actually “plus” size panties and ended up exchanging them for my appropriate size.  Even though he severely screwed up, I gotta give the man some points for at least trying, although he’s damn lucky I’m so understanding!

     My father-in-law has since passed away, and because of my dad’s cancer treatments, this will be the first year I’ve EVER been without my parents on Christmas morning.  As sad as it will be that we’re not all together, I’m sure my dad will breathe a small sigh of relief to not have to watch me pull out another fancy new thong from my stocking this year.  I guess we’ll just have to videotape the whole event so he doesn’t miss all the holiday Hanky Panky fun.


15 Responses

  1. That sounds as comfortable as the year I had to open the Victoria’s Secret box in front of my in laws. It was my first Christmas with them ever. I was so thankful it was only a gift certificate.

    • Wow — VS gift certificate from the in-laws? That’s impressive! Despite your blushing face, that’s a great gift! 🙂

  2. You must really like thongs because I would have killed my husband long ago. 😉

    The first Christmas I spent away from my family was so hard. I can’t imagine the same feelings under your circumstances. 😦 I hope you are able to Skype or something with your mom and dad.

    • Yes, it’s gonna be EXTREMELY hard — we do plan to video chat for sure. We’ve been invited to our good friends’ house on Christmas Eve who have kids the same age, which will be a nice, fun alternative. Hope you have a Merry Christmas too! 🙂

  3. Well Merry Pantymas to you and yours. And yes, video tape it for us all to see.

  4. Whenever I’ve thought about getting Veronica some new lingerie, I always err on the side of caution and stick with a gift certificate- I have full faith in my ability to buy something in the wrong size and accidentally offend her!

    Veronica and I have started a tradition where we exchange ‘naughty’ gifts after the kids are asleep on Christmas Eve- there are some things they don’t need to see!

  5. great picture. i wouldn’t mind him being in my stocking x-mas morning. what is it with family members giving panties and jammies for christmas. i don’t want that stuff, especially from my in-laws. i prefer cash. how much you wanna bet my mil gets me panties again this year? she doesn’t get me thongs {i hate them} but the granny hi-leg briefs from VS. i worked at VS and stocked up on the nice stuff. most of it still has tags on. i don’t need anymore dang panties or jammies. i guess i will find out soon enough.

  6. LOL…I am sure your father will be very releived. Hubby doesn’t buy me new undergarments for Christmas, cuz he knows I am way too picky about fabrics. I am very thankful for that.

  7. I know somewhat how you & your patents are feeling. I just got back from taking my 2 girls to be with their dad for Christmas. This will be my first Christmas EVER without them. I am so sad. I cried almost the entire 2 hour drive home.

    • Oh, Dolli, I am so sorry for you — I know how hard this must be for you. The holidays are all about family & being together, and it’s sooooo hard when that’s not a part of the equation. I hope this is only a one-time thing for you — & for me, too.

  8. I could just see the look on Tom’s face when he had to see that! Still hard to accept the fact that he is not here with us. I so miss our times we spent together with them. My parents are not coming to Indiana for Christmas this year either. My brother needs them there as they are going through some tough times as a family this Christmas, so they need to be there for him and I understand that. I am sure we will talk to you Christmas Day! Love you all!

  9. am laughing so hard at this. What a cool hubby!

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