I’m Thankful For…

     Since I figure that most people will be too busy stuffing their faces with turkey to read my little old blog tomorrow, I decided to do my appreciation post today and take the day off to gorge myself alongside the rest of the country manana.  So, without further ado, here are some things for which I am grateful:

  • I’m thankful for any shower I can take where a short person doesn’t come in and ask me about my boobs.
  • I’m thankful for wine and its magical abilities to calm my very last nerve at the end of the day.
  • I’m thankful for thongs that stay in their intended place.
  • I’m thankful for the inventor of the dog crate.
  • I’m thankful for makeup so I can hide the dark circles under my eyes on those rare days that I have the energy to put it on.
  • I’m thankful for any time I can sit down to pee without all hell breaking loose outside the bathroom door.
  • I’m thankful for copious amounts of caffeine that get me through my day.
  • I’m thankful for duct tape…I have twins — enough said.
  • I’m thankful for car trips where I can finally listen to something other than Kidz Bop.
  • I’m thankful for stupid, mindless reality t.v. shows that make me feel so much better about my own lot in life.
  • I’m thankful for individually packaged bags of Goldfish.
  • I’m thankful for people who remember to flush the toilet in our house (the shit-eating dog isn’t so thankful for this).
  • I’m thankful for wine…oh, whoops!  I already said that, didn’t I?!  (It’s obviously really important to me.)
  • I’m thankful for Twitter where I can go to bitch and moan 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • I’m thankful for that 8:50 a.m. bell at my kids’ school, bless its little heart.
  • I’m thankful for the ass massager lady who knows just how to loosen up my kadunkadunk.
  • I’m thankful that my true friends overlook the dust on my blinds.
  • I’m thankful for pavement and being able to pound the shit out of it when I need to relieve stress.
  • I’m thankful for candles that camouflage the putrid smell of dog farts in the air.
  • I’m thankful that my kids believe pretty much everything I tell them.
  • I’m thankful for my closet where I go to hide when I need to make an important phone call.
  • I’m thankful for silence, even though I’ve completely forgotten what it sounds like.
  • But most importantly, I’m thankful for my friends, for my health, and especially for my family who I love with all my heart.
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13 Responses

  1. You are one blessed woman! I almost used that same picture for my post yesterday. Great minds MUST think a like. Now what are you doing writing a blog post? I thought today was Be Your Own Bitch Hump Day. Get in there and do your job and everyone else’s! Happy Gobble Gobble Day. May it be filled with wine and whine free! Cheers, LadyWanderlust (LisaB).

    • May you have a happy turkey day as well! And trust me, mine will definitely full of wine! Cheers to that! 🙂

  2. Seriously great post (if it were me I’d have probably posted about the wine at least three times, so you are that much further ahead of me).
    I am with ya sister, all the way. Those short, insane people running around my house every day make me entirely mental, but I don’t know what I would do without the little cretins (and the wine really does help).
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. May the turky be moist, may the wine be plentiful and may the house be quiet by 8 pm 🙂 (good luck with that last part, just sayin’, its my whish for you)

    • Thank you! Here’s hopin’ your Thanksgiving is full of good food & good company, as well. And if my house is actually quiet by 8 pm, I might have to call 911 cause something would surely be amiss. 🙂

  3. well put mama! i would of included wine a few more times! and ofcourse i would be thankful for any night that i can get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep…..i think i may still remember what that is! I commend you on being a nuckingfutsmama of twins and still having the sanity to write your amazing blogs that make me laugh. dont sweat the small things! have a great turkey day with your family and dont think about reality setting back in on friday!

    • Trust me, I could have included wine on every line, but I don’t want people to know that I’m really a wino. 🙂 I hope you have an awesome turkey day tomorrow, as well, w/all the people you love the most!

  4. My kids are big enough now that some of the things on your list aren’t applicable anymore, kind of makes me sad. But still I can relate to it all, ok maybe not the thong or boob thing, but…

  5. great post. very funny. very clever. very sweet. short person asking about ta tas was particularly clever. i hope you’re having a great day, NFM. i’m so glad that i found you. everyone needs a cyber-friend as sweet and and funny as you are! Happy Thanksgiving… jco

  6. Great list! But mine includes several forms of prescription medicine. I’m here because of your kick ass blog title.

    • Well, I’m glad my nucking futs title brought you to me! Hope you come back for more of my craziness! 🙂

  7. Man alive you’re definitely nucking futs, or cucking frazy or summat like that. I’ll be back for more.

    – BFG

    • Well, I’m certainly glad you found me! I hope you like my crazy enough to keep coming back for more! There’s always something nutty going on in my world! 🙂

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