The Holiday Parade

     This weekend was our town’s big annual holiday parade.  Now, why on earth a town would choose to have a “holiday” parade before we’ve even carved the flippin’ turkey is beyond me, but apparently, that’s how they roll in these here parts.  Normally we are out of town and miss it, but this year we got to experience all of the <ahem> “excitement” (ok, I can’t even use that word without laughing — hahahaha!).   We really didn’t have very high expectations since the only thing we had to compare it to was the Memorial Day parade, where we accidentally blinked and missed the whole damn thing.  Nevertheless, we had to put on our proud parent party hats cause our daughter’s Girl Scouts troop would be marching their little hearts out in it.

     When we pulled up, I honestly expected there to be five trucks, a police car, and maybe a fire truck or two zipping down a street staggered with a few onlookers, but surprisingly, there were floats and balloons and everything.  It was actually gonna be a real, live parade!  Who knew? And because the crowd was so large, I decided I would walk with my daughter and the other moms, so I wouldn’t lose her in all the chaos. I was truly amazed at the amount of people gathered at the starting point.  I have no earthly idea where they all even came from.  They must’ve recruited people from the surrounding towns to fill in the cracks or something.  We searched through the sea of Girl Scouts uniforms to locate my daughter’s troop and had just enough time to snap a quick photo or two before we were told to head on out.

     The girls were all jazzed up to hand out the candy they’d brought for the crowd, but unfortunately, the amount of spectators at the beginning of the parade route was pretty slim to none.  I’m quite certain it’s because the whole freaking town was marching along right behind us. Luckily, we came upon more bystanders about half-way through, and the girls went balls to the wall with their candy hand-outs.  They were completely out of sugar WAY before the ending, but they continued to smile and wave the rest of the way like they were the mother plucking Queen of England.  

     We scooched onto the curb with all the other town saps after we’d finished our walk of fame, and WOW, were there some interesting sights to see.  The most ironically funny participants were the “go green” promoters who drove a Prius through the crowd and held up pictures of CFL lightbulbs, immediately followed by a pack of Harley’s revving their engines and blowing smoke exhaust fumes all over the green movement message. Awesome timing, people, awesome timing. Santa rounded out the parade as he was the last one to finally float down the street.  And I’m not quite sure what he did to the little elves riding next to him, but they looked absolutely scared shitless for some unknown reason.  Guess they didn’t get the memo that said they were supposed to be out spreading Christmas cheer, because their petrified little faces told a whole different story.  It really put a whole new spin on that whole “Santa is watching” thing.  I suppose you just don’t mess with a man in a red suit.  Yikes!

     When it was all said and done, I had one very happy, very proud little Girl Scout on my hands.  She’s already asked when she gets to march again cause evidently, she’s completely hooked on strutting her stuff.  I’ve always heard people say that everybody loves a parade, and normally I would have to disagree.  This time, however, I gotta admit that I actually did have a lot of fun.  It appears that my town just doesn’t mess around when it comes to a holiday celebration in November cause this parade totally kicked the Memorial Day parade’s ass.


8 Responses

  1. haha Scranton had their parade on Saturday, and I didn’t bother driving my ass the 9 miles to stand and watch it for the 3+ hrs. that it takes. Maybe when she is a little older and can remember we will attend one, but until then I don’t think so. I am glad your little one enjoyed “strutting her stuff”. Just keep an eye out on that one, you don’t want her strutting the wrong stuff lol.

    • It just now dawned on me that you live near Scranton, as in the Scranton from The Office! That is one of my absolute favorite shows on t.v.!

  2. Lol ! You crack me up! Perhaps you enjoyed THIS parade so much because you were watching it thru “mom – glasses”. Fun for you!
    Once again – wonderful blog. I love it!

    • I have no doubt that it was more enjoyable from my perspective — standing on the sidelines was sure to be a big bore. Thanks so much for reading! Hope to keep you coming back! 🙂

  3. NFM! that was sweet. so cool that you walked with her.

    and santa? he’d scare the shit out of me, too, assuming, that is, i thought the man held the key to my gift-getting future! -jco-

    • Santa totally scared the shit out of my kids at the mall today — he tried to talk to them & they were completely speechless. I think I’m gonna hire him to come to my house every night from 5-8 so he can get me some quiet up in here during the worst freaking hours of the day.

  4. Damn, your parade was fancy! Ours was just marching bands, local groups, and lots and lots of candy. Then Santa of course, looking suspiciously young.

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