Spit & Spin


     As if we didn’t already have enough going on around here lately, my son came down with strep throat over the weekend, which meant that he had to go on an antibiotic and can’t return to school until the medicine has spent an entire twenty-four hours in his little system. This also meant that I had to scramble around and try to find a way to get my daughter, who surprisingly does not have strep throat (YET anyway), to and from school for the past two days. Luckily, we have some amazing neighbors who are more than willing to help a sister out and who graciously offered to allow my daughter to walk over with them.  However, after the little stunt my son pulled this morning, they may very well tell us to kiss their neighborly asses the next time we are in need.

         As usual, we were running behind this morning, and I was still trying to hunt down my daughter’s mittens when my neighbor and her son came to the door to pick up my daughter.  I opened the door to apologize, and her little boy decided to just barge right on in. He’s a friend of my son’s, so I guess he wanted to say hi or something.  The mom just kinda stood there unsure of what to do and then very hesitantly stepped into the foyer to call for her son.  I can’t really say that I blame her because our house is like a giant petri dish full of germs right now, and I wouldn’t want to dive right into that either. Her son wasn’t responding in the least to all of her pleading, so she nervously decided to chit chat as I continued to slop cold weather gear on my daughter.

     I could tell how anxious she was to get out of here, especially when she started talking about how easily her household catches strep throat, and how many times they’ve had it, and yada, and yada, and yada.  I was trying really hard to be a good listener, while continuing my mission to free these poor people from our germ-infested lair.  My son must’ve finally heard his little friend’s voice, because he suddenly appeared out of nowhere at the top of the front staircase. The neighbor boy and my son were giggling and laughing, as I was moving as fast as I could to get my daughter out the door, and I vaguely thought I heard the mom say that something wasn’t such a good idea.  And that’s when I looked up and saw the cause for her concern.

     I yelled out a silent “NOOOOOOO!!!!!“, but it was already too late.  My son was hanging over the banister with a demonic grin on his face as a drop of spit was on its way down toward his friend’s head.  I swear I think someone hit the slow-motion button because that freaking spit stayed airborne forever as I prayed to God that it didn’t land smack-dab on the other kid’s face.  Thank heavens for divine intervention because luckily, it landed on the floor not more than two inches from the kid’s shoes.  I stood there in complete and utter horror.  I had no idea what to say or to do.  I couldn’t even begin to imagine what on earth possessed him to do something so jack-asinine.  

     I apologized up and down and over and under and all around about a thousand times for his completely inappropriate behavior.  My neighbor anxiously laughed it off as she hurried up and got the hell out of dodge, and I promptly sent my son straight to his room.  Sick or not, that little shit was getting punished.  After a good, long time-out, I had a little talk with him about the fact that we are most certainly not cavemen, and that spitting is only appropriate when he’s chewing tobacco.  (Ok, you got me. I didn’t really add that part about the cavemen.)  I have no words for how completely mortified I am, but I hope that she can forgive and forget since she’s got two boys of her own.  So between the dog and the kid, the theme of my life these days seems to be that both shit, as well as spit, just happens.


9 Responses

  1. Spit happens! Hilarious. Another mortifying mother moment.

  2. Exciting times, and I would have punished his little ass too…go mama! I hope your daughter doesn’t end up catching it.

  3. “jack-asinine” My new favorite word. Thank you.

    But honestly, communicable diseases are best when shared with friends.

  4. so you’re back up and running. impressive! like mamabennie, i hope ur daughter doesn’t catch it, too.

    we’ve not had strep this season, but we’ve had a TON of stuff floating around. with an 8 yo and 2 yo triplets, breaking our threshold is the viral equivalent of russian roulette. your welcome to come over, but surgeon masks are encouraged.

    “the spit” as i’ll call it conjured up images of the coveted family egg and its slow motion fall from the mantle as seen in the movie Risky Business. Why didn’t you get all Tom Cruise on the spit’s ass and do a full blown dive (tighty whitey’s optional) and catch the spit mere milliseconds before it hit the floor, thereby protecting the innocent from potential infection? OH, WAIT, what am i thinking. surgery. right?

    another great post, NFM! -jco-

    • Was that not the greatest scene from Risky Business??!! (Well, aside from the El scene, of course. You can’t beat that!) 🙂

  5. In his defense, it is fun to watch spit travel a distance. I once did that off an indoor balcony in the office building where my dad worked. Then I decided it would be even better in larger quantities so I was pouring water out of a cup until I saw some official-looking people pointing at me from below. I hoofed it and hid on another floor until the heat died down. So I guess my point is at least he was in your own home….

    • I think it’s a right of passage to try to spit from way up high. I just wish it would’ve been a stranger at the bottom, rather than my neighbor. 🙂

  6. Man, another reason I am glad I don’t have boys!!

    Sending you some “Stay Healthy” vibes.

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