They’re Baaaaaaack!

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     Some trends come and go faster than a Hollywood marriage.  You think you’re super cool and sporting the latest “in” piece of clothing, only to find out that you are SO yesterday.  It seems though that throughout the years, what was once old has become new again — fedoras from the fifties, miniskirts from the sixties, and platform shoes from the seventies.  There’s one fashion decade, though, that I truly never thought I’d see ever ever again, and that, my friends, was the eighties. Ridiculously big hair, neon-colored everything and parachute pants were never a good look for anyone. However, it has become obvious to me upon researching this topic that the eighties are very much like, totally making a comeback.        

     Don’t get me wrong here — I absolutely LOVED the eighties since that is the era in which I grew up.  The music, the t.v. shows, the break dancing were all totally tubular.  The fashion, however, left a LOT to be desired. Now, I may have pegged my jeans with the best of them, but I thought for sure that I’d put all that long behind me.  So when I saw someone wearing a pair of stirrup pants at the mall yesterday, my eyeballs just about popped out of my head.  Who in the hell decided to bring these jackass things back to life? They were heinous back then, and they’re just as heinous now days. These pants were never flattering for anyone’s body type, whether you’re a skinny little toothpick or a normal sized woman.  For crap’s sake, you wanna talk about accentuating some camel toe!  When I got home and did some Googling, I found out that they are apparently all the rage on the runway, and I couldn’t help but think that the world has finally gone mad. Even the couture designers are showcasing them.  Just look at these “McQ” duds that can be yours for the low price of $395:

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Seriously, people, the only thing that can be said about this pitiful excuse for pants is gag me with a spoon.

     Another eighties fad that has apparently resurfaced from the vault of fashion don’ts is acid washed jeans.  Again, I am shocked.  For the love of humanity, why why why?!  I mean, good Lord, they’re called “acid” jeans cause they look like someone dumped a big old vat of acid on them.  I remember back in the day when I got my first pair of acid washed jeans. They were made by Guess, and I thought they were the coolest thing on the planet.  I’m older and wiser now and know that they were, in fact, ugly as sin.  I guess today’s designers disagree with me cause they are digging this corroded look of nastiness.  I even found this pair of William Rast jeans for a whopping $198:  

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How on earth can these fugly-looking things possibly be the shiznit? I am just amazed.  The next thing you’re gonna tell me is that leg warmers and shoulder pads are back in action.

     And as it turns out, they most certainly are!  Excuse me, but Jane Fonda and  Joan Collins called, and they want their shit back. Nevertheless, they’re waiting for you at a local retail store near you. And if you’ve completely lost your mind and have an endless supply of dough on hand, you can buy this poofy-shouldered waste of cash for a cool $2,125 and these spider-webbed pieces of crap for a mere $125:

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     I guess wonders will never cease to amaze me.  In my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d see the eighties styles come back to life.  I didn’t give in to the bell-bottom comeback, and I will not be partaking in the rebirth of this decade of fashion faux pas either. However, maybe I should dust off the old jelly shoes, dig out the old banana clip, and hunt down the old Coca-Cola t-shirt and slap those puppies on eBay.  Ya never know, one woman’s trash could very well be another schmuck’s treasure.

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17 Responses

  1. I’m here to give you a great big shout out of “AMEN, SISTER!”

  2. thanks for the update. now i’ll know it’s okay to rock the “tuck ‘n roll” again!

  3. NOOOOOOO! *shakes fist at sky*
    I may hang myself with a bolo tie.

  4. OMG! I wasn’t born until 1985, but in children’s clothing some of these things lasted into the early 90’s (not to mention I got my sister’s hand-me-downs and she is 5 years older). I remember wearing some of this stuff, that they were still selling as late as 1993. It is pure torture to my retinas to see these items being resurrected. I do admit I wear the flare pants, but that is because that started when I was in like 7th grade, and I have been wearing them ever since. I can honestly say though, that I will NEVER resurrect the acid wash or stirrup pants…..NASTY. Next thing you know the bodysuit will be all the rage again (gag).

  5. Since I absolutely never throw anything out for just this reason, I was totally stoked last night when, thanks to the stress-and-poverty diet, I was actually able to fit into my stirrup pants from the ’80s! And my acid washed jeans! And I will wear them with pride. I don’t care if I look like a fool. I’m a skinny fool.

  6. Believe it or not here in my town, which will catch up with current fashion in about 3 years as you know all too well, I did see someone with legwarmers, and no it wasn’t Jennifer Beale and they weren’t coming from dance class. I would imagine that with the rebirth of the Fame movie and The Wedding Singer on Broadway, the 80s comeback was inevitable. Even one of my daughters is sporting a couple pairs of straight leg jeans.

  7. Don’t forget about the rad t-shirt clips and double layered socks, in different colors.

  8. Oh man.. if we have to deal with all of that, can I have my slap bracelets back? You know my mother may have my old 80’s stuff. I should totally dig it up and ebay ‘vintage’ looks.

    Also I want my t-shirt clips back.. Maybe I’ll just order these: http://www.spirithalloween.com/images/spirit/products/processed/01039874.zoom.a.jpg

  9. I still have my Pulse brand skinnies from high school and they still fit. The waist goes almost all the way up to my breasts, but they fit.

    I wore them for Hallowe’en this year. So fashionable.

  10. I’m SO getting more than one Swatch watch this time around. I do still have some old banana clips (saved them for my kids’ 80s days one day). Sadly, I’m not sure if I can get the hair that big again…

  11. SERIOUSLY?????? $2,000???????? FAIL.

  12. I miss the girls with big hair, stretch pants, hoop earrings, double socks, big belts over the stomach and when they wore jeans..it was Jordache! Woooo Hooo bring back the Karate Kid, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Ronald Reagan (I am older and smarter now). Ohhh and cant forget Garbage Pail Kids, Rubix Cubes, Bananarama, Spuds Mackenzie, and Night Court!

  13. Wonder if Madonna will start sporting the “Desperately Seeking Susan” look again. How freaky would that be?

  14. Does anyone remember the “knotted bandana around the neck worn with 2 – 3 layered izod shirts” look? Wow – that takes me back. I hope I don’t get the urge to roll up the bottom of my acid washed jeans…..

  15. I love this post, I have been thinking the same thing. I look at these highschool girls wearing exactly the same things I was wearing at their age and I just want to scream at them “it’s not a good look, you WILL hide in 20 yrs when you see the pix”. Ah the tuck and roll pants. Blech, what were we thinking? and seriously, hasn’t anyone learned from our mistakes???

  16. I’ve been watching these old styles slowly creep back in for awhile now. Then last year I saw pink & black plaid & I told my daughter that the next thing they would bring back would be the red & black plaid with the frickin’ scottie dogs. I must be a psychic b/c Target is overrun with the little applique mutts!!!

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