Hair Fetish

2003-09-27     

     Call me a prude, but I happen to think six years of age is a wee bit early to get your freak on.  Shouldn’t it be all about riding scooters and playing hide and go seek at this stage of the game?  I mean, come on, we all know there’s plenty of time to act like a dirty old man later on in life. So, when my first grade daughter starts requesting that I fix her hair a certain way to please a little dude at school, I can’t help but raise an eyebrow or two. Just who does this young hustler think he is trying to mold my precious baby into his own little puppet? And why is my precious baby just eating right out of the palm of this little mastermind’s hand?  Apparently, I need to be blasting some Spice Girls up on the Ipod and have a lesson or two about girl power.

     One morning last week, my daughter announced out of the clear blue sky that she wanted to wear her hair in a ponytail.  I should preface this with the fact that she NEVER wants to wear her hair up, so I knew that something was fishy. When I asked why, she told me that “Jacob” liked it when she used to wear her hair in a ponytail and wanted to see her in one again.  I kinda laughed it off at first, although deep down I was surprised that she was even concerned about pleasing someone else, much less a BOY, with her hairstyle.  But, I played the obliging mother role and tried like hell to get her very short, bobbed hair to stay up in a ponytail.  She was as happy as a peach when I dropped her off at school that day.

     As it turned out, I ended up having to drop something off in the office, so I was able to peek down the hall towards her classroom. When what to my wandering eyes should appear but Jacob circling my daughter and nodding his head with approval at her awesomely stylish head of hair.  I kind of laughed to myself and chalked it up to a silly blip of a memory. But, no, that was most certainly not the end of Jacob’s quest for the perfect coif.  My daughter told me that next morning that he’d now asked her to wear not just one but TWO ponytails to school.

     After much debating as well as for the sake of getting her there on time, I ended up caving and slopping her hair into two friggin’ tails. She was all smiles and giggles later that afternoon when I asked if Jacob dug her ‘do.  Much to my surprise, though, she told me that he was most certainly NOT her boyfriend, which left me completely confused. Why go to all that trouble when you don’t even have the hots for someone?  I just didn’t get it.  However, I think I figured out the answer to that puzzling question later that night.

     Friday night was the big fall festival at my kids’ school.  There were games, prizes, dancing, and lots of chaos going on in the two gyms. When my daughter and I got in line for the cake walk, we just so happened to run into none other than Mr. Jacob. His face lit up like a light when he saw his little protege.  He immediately grabbed her, dipped her, and planted a huge kiss on her cheek.  It caught me so off-guard that I just stood there like a statue at first.  When I came to my senses, I pulled him off her, as did Jacob’s dad, and said that was quite enough.  And as I took a good look at my daughter who was beaming with pride, it dawned on me.  She absolutely LOVED all of this attention.  It seemed to me that it was actually my little girl who was playing Jacob.  She’d give him a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ with the hair as long as he kept falling all over himself with admiration for her.  Unbelievable.  I knew the girl was a fan of the spotlight, but good Lord.    

     If she’s already playing these little mind games at six, what the hell’s she gonna be trying to pull when she’s a teenager?!  I feel like I should tattoo a WARNING label on her forehead cause I foresee lots of broken hearts in her suitors’ future.  It seems the girl’s definitely got game and is not afraid to use it.  Just to be on the safe side though, I think I’ll let Aretha sing her to sleep tonight with a little “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”

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14 Responses

  1. Ohh… dear….
    I have 2 daughters and I’m already having nightmares about the teenage years…
    Good luck!

    • I think I should just go ahead & put in a pacemaker for when my heart has to tackle the teenage years. Really don’t know how I’ll survive them.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…OMG you should lock her up in a tower now. My daughter flirts. at 1 1/2, with little boys. This story is really giving me no hope. O well, I guess I will just have to suck in up and roll with the punches I guess.

    • Yeah, mine is a total flirt too. You should’ve seen her w/her 18 yr old camp counselor this summer. Unbelievable!

  3. As the mom of two teenage daughters, all I can say is *sigh*, and best of luck to ya! LOL

  4. Go online and order that chastity belt NOW, girlfriend.

  5. Oh man, not loving the oncoming teen years. Sounds like you’ll have your hands full! Good luck!!

    • The teenage years scare the living hell out of me. My kids will have to come & visit me in the nuthouse for sure.

  6. A wise friend once told me, “When you are the mother of a boy, you have to worry about ONE penis. When you are the mother of a daughter, you have to worry about ALL the penises.” So, so, SO glad I have three sons — I don’t think I could deal with the alternative!

    • Love it! Yes, gotta watch out for the penises, especially since I’ve got one who owns one & one who will be sought after by others who own them.

  7. What a funny and sweet story. The teen years should be a blast. I have two girls, and fortunately for me neither of them has come home and asked to have a certain hairstyle for a little boy yet.
    Good luck to you!

    • Hmmmm, I guess looking at the teenage years as a blast is an optimistic way of approaching the situation. Maybe you can be my sidelines cheerleader when I get to that point, cause I’m not sure my heart will be able to take it.

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