Survival of the Single Mama

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     I gotta tip my hat and bow down to all the single mamas/papas out there.  That, my friends, is no easy task and should be rewarded with high-fives, knuckle-bumps, and all-expenses paid vacations.  I honestly don’t know how on earth you do it without absolutely cracking the eff up.  I have only done it for short bursts of time and inevitably feel like I need a straight jacket to contain my temptation to go absolutely medieval on everyone around me.

     Since my husband had to travel for business the past couple of nights, the shit naturally decided it was time to hit the fan.  First off, my son had the amazing wherewithall to come down with a blazing ear infection.  The poor kid was literally up all night on Monday night with ear pain, so the whole week got off to a big whopping sleep-deprived bang. Then, the dog decided to take four steps back, even though we’d taken three steps forward, and wake up crying multiple times in the night.  (Have I ever told you how much I LOVE being woken up in the night to search for dog shit with a flashlight?!) Then, to top it all off, my daughter must’ve felt left out, because she, too, felt the need to contract an ear infection to keep up with her brother.  After two trips to the doctor and two trips to the pharmacy, we are more than good to go up in here, thank you very much.  

     And as a result, this mama here is at the absolute end of her limit.  My patience is non-existent and my attention span parallels that of a two year old.  So, it is probably pretty apparent how well multiple rounds of jack assinine questioning is going to go over with my walking time-bomb of a brain.  Kids, even if I knew how many flippin’ springs were in my running shoes, what car tires were made of, or how fast my bike could go down a hill, I’m not sure I’d even have the energy to tell you.  In addition, I honestly must’ve heard my son mutter the word “Mommy” no less than four hundred times last night.  I was seriously contemplating changing my name to Queenie or even Bob just for a change of freaking pace.  As much as I tried, I was completely unable to go to my happy place.  I seemed to be stuck indefinitely in Crazy Town.  I promised myself as I was going to sleep last night that I was going to wake up in a better mood and have a good day even if it killed me.

     However, the dog taking a big sunrise dump on the rug certainly didn’t get things moving in exactly the direction I had planned.  Then, as we were finally walking out the door to head to school, my daughter frantically announced that she had another Math worksheet to do for homework.  This just so happened to be the same worksheet that I had asked both kids about multiple times last night, and no one claimed it to be theirs.  Since my daughter insisted on doing it, we worked on about half of it and then raced off to school.  When I went in to tell her teacher that we didn’t have time to finish it, the teacher looked at me like I had three eyes.  Turns out that they didn’t even have homework at all, and that my daughter had actually done my son’s homework.  Well, that is just craptabulous.  I’ll just add that to the list of other mommy fails that I’ve been accumulating lately.

     If the hubs doesn’t get his tush back home soon, I’m gonna be so delirious that I might just be feeding dog food to the kids and Pop Tarts to the dog.  I am in survival mode here, people, just flying by the seat of my pants.  I couldn’t have a meaningful conversation with anyone right now even if I tried.  My brain may be on vacation, but it’s my body that needs the get-away even more.

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15 Responses

  1. #assslap

    Welcome to aboard the “I parent alone” crazytrain where flying by the seat of your pants and multi tasking are a way of life. We’re all nuts! Its fun! Also, I have no problem admitting that somedays I swear to God the PIT says “momma” 5000000789 times and every time is gets more high pitched and whiny and I honestly want to rip my fucking hair out. But then, she eventually falls asleep…and then momma gets out the wine…lol…yeah right. Im too fucking tired to drink.

  2. WOW…what a week! Don’t feel bad, as a single mother, I do sometimes wonder if I will end up in a white jacket, hugging myself by the time the kid goes down for the night. Hats off to you for not completely losing it…or feeding the kids dog food yet, LOL. I got my son a dog…it lasted maybe 28 hours before I found her a new home. Idk wth I was thinking getting a dog with a 13 month old, as if my life weren’t hard and stressed enough! Just thinnk to yourself that the hubs will be home soon and you will be rescued! I wish that I could say the same!!!

  3. Wow.

    Yeah, but even as a single mom, usually everything doesn’t happen at once.

    Usually.

    Hang in there. You’re rockin’ it even though it seems like you’re not.

    • Thank you! Unfortunately, that’s the way things tend to happen when my hubby travels. It doesn’t just rain — it freaking monsoons!

  4. Yep, single mom of two here, one with high functioning autism, ages 9 and 6.

    There are days when I don’t know how it’s going to get done. I get a break about once every 3 months when the ex decides to come see the kids. Babysitter? Have you seen their prices lately??? YIKES!

    Honestly, I hate weekends, LOVE Mondays….LOL!

    Homework? WELLLL if the busy work doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done. Not killing myself or the kids to do one sheet of repititious crap. Teachers can get over it. Homework is the anti christ as far as I am concerned.

    Keep your chin up! If it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done. Do what you can with what ya got babe!

  5. The kids and dog are alive so you’re doing abso-fucking-fabulous, lady! Screw the details.

    I hope your hubs comes home soon so you can take a mini-vaca sans fam.

  6. I’ve done the single parenting with my two older girls but I don’t think I’ve ever had a day/week like yours. Wow—you really take the cake for a craptastic week. I can’t believe how much you made me giggle while reading about your adventure as a single mom. Hang in there—back up will arrive soon.

  7. Doing it alone is definitely hard. I’m one of those lucky single moms with an ex-husband actually has the kids half the time and does a great job. Even so, there are definitely rough days when Psycho Mommy comes out and shows her ire. We all have those days and wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. I find that it helps to end those days with a glass of wine or, perhaps, a hot cup of tea and a few deep breaths to soothe the nerves and prepare for what’s next.

  8. I am a married/single mom too. I am going through the exact same thing right now and just posted my own bitchfest. I guess I feel better at least to know that I am not alone. You aren’t either. We need a word for this. Maringle? Sinarried? How about just temporarily fucked.

  9. Since I am Queen of Crazy Town, I guess I can give you a 2 day pass to visit….

    Crazy Town gets a lot of visitors, but I have very few loyal subjects. 🙂

    • I think I need more than a 2 day pass — I seem to be stuck in Crazy Town. How do I become a legal citizen?

  10. I think the same thing every time my husband goes out of town. I hate it. I always ask him what would he do if I left town for a week. He just says “don’t!”

  11. Awesome blog!

    I thought about starting my own blog too but I’m just too lazy so, I guess Ill just have to keep checking yours out.
    LOL,

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