Failing Miserably


     Well, I guess I’ll just go ahead and address the big fat elephant in the room.  Maybe nobody around here wants to admit it, but I seem to be really sucking ass at my job lately.  I’m trying to juggle way too many balls at once, and who am I kidding?  I don’t even know how to freaking juggle!  So, yes, this is my pity party, so pull up a seat cause you’re all invited.    

     The arrival of our literal little son of a bitch has thrown a big wrench in my ability to get a grip on anything around here.  He takes up so much of my time that I feel like I’m neglecting the kids, who are by far WAY higher up in the pecking order of importance.  I feel like I’m constantly telling them that we’ll have to play that game later or read this book another time so I can deal with the dog.  I’m totally sucking in my role as entertainer.  

     In addition, I’ve also been like a giant road block for my kids’ brain cells.  I totally missed the boat last week on an entire week’s worth of spelling activities for school. Yep, Mama Jackass somehow overlooked a whole list of homework assignments and didn’t even discover this little brain fart until over the weekend.  Oopsy daisy. Luckily, they were just at-home activities that kids were supposed to do each night with their parents, but still, I should’ve been more on top of my game.  

     Then, there’s the whole issue of trying to tame the Tazmanian Devil.  Since I was at my wit’s end with the pooch all last week, the hubs spent a lot of time trying to teach him how to not be a maniac over the weekend.  I made sure to carefully watch his technique so that I could continue with it once he went back to work on Monday. So why is it then that the dog refused to do ANYTHING I asked him to do even though I was doing the exact same thing my husband was doing over the weekend? Does he have something against me or what?  I swear if he had a middle finger, I know for certain that he’d totally be flipping me off.  The dog is clearly trying to tell me to eff off.  All he does is bite me and step in his own shit.  

     Then there’s my inability to be even somewhat of a semi-pleasant wife lately.  I am so frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day that I end up falling asleep by the time my tush finally makes that long-awaited contact with the couch.  I even turned down my husband’s offer to take me on a date over the weekend and opted to order out sushi instead.  How lame am I?   Yeah, I’m just a barrel of fun these days — being with me lately is only slightly more fun than a sharp stick in the eye.  Good God, am I turning into Kate Gosselin?!  

     So, to summarize my efforts around here:  kids = failing, dog = failing, husband = failing.  My report card looks pretty pathetic, don’t ya think?  I am flunking out big time with everything and everybody.  I gotta snap outta this and get back in the driver’s seat cause I am not a fan of spinning out of control.  It makes me dizzy.


16 Responses

  1. It’s in the air or water or something. I’m right there with you, minus the dog (my 3 cats are easy to deal with as long as they leave their dead animal trophies outside).

  2. The dog has to realize you are the boss. Try tossing it on its back and gently but firmly holding the throat. Let it up after a few seconds and gently bite the muzzle. That should get you started on training. They have to view you as pack leader before they will do anything you say.

    Kids, I homeschool teen and have two under age 3. I’m failing, too, so no advice forthcoming 😦

    Hubby…let’s just say I’m in the same boat with you and damn if I didn’t drop the oars overboard. I sometimes turn down sex for sleep. that’s bad for me.

  3. Man, can I relate to this. 100%.

    Might I suggest some Dog Whisperer? Don’t laugh. Cesar Milan knows what he’s talking about, and you can TiVo the shows and watch them later. It’s all about who’s the boss and getting the dog to realize you’re the Alpha, not him. You just have to learn to recognize the dog’s behavior for what it is and treat him accordingly, like an alpha dog in a pack would treat him.

    I sound like a nut. I’m not. We have a 100 train wreck black lab (Oh, black labs are such calm dogs, so good with kids, so pleasant and smart! But not when they’re puppies, and my husband got me a black lab puppy for Valentines day when our daughter was just 6 weeks old. Yeah.) Dog Whisperer shows helped tremendously.

  4. I mean, we have a 100 POUND train wreck black lab, who is a big sweetie, but damn, she’s a hoss. And hard to control with all her puppy energy bound up in huge dog body.

  5. I, for one, think you are a wonderful, smart, motivated, beautiful amazing mom and leader of the household. You evoke memories of the US Army’s commercial tag line in the 80’s – ” We do more before 9am than most people do all day”. Besides, who doesn’t love kicking it at home with good sushi on the couch? 🙂

    • Thank you! I wish my little “army” were all better listeners! And I’ll kick it on the couch w/sushi any old night! 🙂

  6. Trust me, I am there with you (minus the dog). Being pregnant has left me in no emotional state for ANY shenanigans. My 1 1/2 yr. old daughter has left me a crying mess plenty of times. Then the husband comes home, and I blame everything on him, and well you get the idea. I am winning the all around aweful award myself, so just hand in there. It will eventually get better.

  7. I am hugely comforted by the fact that I watched this stuff happening in Marley & Me recently. And guess what, after the puppy stage, life returns to a more-or-less even keel and you can’t even remember these days.

    So hang in there chicken; it gets better. Now, I just need to haul my sorry arse off to go iron my son’s football kit cos I’m soooo organised I forgot to do it earlier. So I’m gonna be ironing instead of going to bed. 🙂

  8. I guess it’s because I’m allergic to animals & can’t have one that my first reaction is: sell the dog.

    But I think it’s just this time of year. Every school year brings its own challenges, and I don’t think any Mom (or school teacher for that matter) has gotten into the full swing of things until after Christmas break.

    and isn’t your husband the sweetest thing?

    • Yes, I would’ve loved to wait until we were a little more into the swing of things before we turned our schedule completely upside down w/a dog, but I also didn’t want to be trying to potty train in the dead of winter. Never a perfect scenario, I suppose. And yes, my hubby did earn some brownie points over the weekend. Now if I could just get him to stop snoring on the couch next to me right now….

  9. You and I sound very similar, as far as the guilt/stress level is concerned. What makes you better than me is that I would just blame my husband for it all.

  10. It doesn’t sound like a failing report card to me… just an incomplete, as in…. your not done yet. Training a dog can take months, give it some time. It’s frustrating, I know, been there, done that, with the dogs a few times. Before you know it Wrigley will be following all of your commands and you will be telling your husband you are ready for another dog so Wrigley has a companion!! Stay strong and breathe.

    • Thank you for your nice comments. I am typically hard on myself anyway, & sleep deprivation doesn’t help matters at all. I’m hoping things get better over the next couple of weeks.

  11. I know what you mean. Everyone gets frusterated everyonce in a while. My shite is piling up too.
    What you should never do is say no to date night! Getting out of the house with no kids and just hubby to talk to is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes!

    • I know — I should’ve totally taken him up on the date night. My level of tiredness is at red alert status lately. Pathetic, huh?

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