Dog Days of Training

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      Am I awake or asleep?  I’m not really sure lately since they feel kind of the same. My days have turned into a complete blur now that we’ve added this furry little creature to our mix.  I feel like I have literally just been going through the motions trying to keep myself from collapsing on the sidewalk.  The hubs has been oh so conveniently out of town this week, so I have been on my own to drive the crazy train that is my life.  And best believe me when I say that I am barely hanging on by a string.

     It is truly like we have a newborn baby in our house again.  I was perfectly happy to be well past that stage in parenting because I’ve kinda grown attached to my sleep these days.  However, lately I have been awakened multiple times a night EVERY STINKIN’ NIGHT by what sounds like a squealing pig being transformed into bacon.  I honestly feel like I no sooner close my eyes than I have to pry them open and take said “pig” out to pee. And as soon as I return him back to his crate, I get another encore presentation of this ear-piercing protest. All of this new morning chaos has the added bonus of my kids now waking up even earlier than normal.

      I then get to juggle the kids trying to play with the puppy who only wants to bite anything and anyone in his path with his razor-sharp little teeth, all while making sure that he doesn’t decide to pop a squat and diddle on the carpet somewhere. Naturally, the kids get upset when he nips them with his little fangs (those suckers hurt like a mother!), and I only can catch him about eight times out of ten from peeing on the sly.  Our morning routine was crazy enough without throwing a wild little beast into the mix, and now, it’s flat-out batshit nutty around here.

     Yesterday, I was so crazed trying to get the kids out the door for school, that I didn’t even realize until almost three in the afternoon that I was still wearing the same tank top that I had slept in the night before.  I did somehow manage to throw on a bra, because, you know, I’m classy like that.  I just literally have not had time to do anything.  I thought I had the world’s smallest bladder, but apparently, this dog has me beat.  He has to constantly be taken outside to pee, so any errands I run have to be completed within two hours time.

     Then there’s the whole feeding issue.  He must still be all freaked out by a new environment because he’s not all that jazzed about eating his food.  The breeder suggested we mix in a little bit of yogurt or cottage cheese to try to tempt him, which I’ve tried doing just to get him to hurry up and eat the damn stuff.  I’ve got places to go and people to see!  So, you can only imagine how happy I was to come home yesterday afternoon to find a crate full of barf as a result of the cottage cheese experiment.  

     And since poop scooping was not really part of my physical therapy plan, my back is totally taking a beating from having to bend down so much.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to pick up mushy puppy turds from the grass? Let’s just say that we very well may have some bald spots in our yard now. And I learned the hard way that I need to take a flashlight with me when I take him out at the ass-crack of dawn because I will otherwise find myself on a rather shitty scavenger hunt trying to hunt down all the tiny logs he dropped in the dark.    

     And I’ve gotta wonder if my neighbors REALLY want me to tell them when they ask me how it’s going.  The extreme look of exhaustion on my face should be a tip-off that they might just get an ear full if they do, in fact, ask.  I find myself envious of people who have older dogs who seem to be more chill.  I wish we could fast-forward through all this beginning insanity and get to the point where we can actually enjoy the dog.  In the meantime, I’m thinking about asking ours if I can borrow his crate for a while — I could really use a dark little place to hide away and snooze.  And I promise that I won’t even pee in it.

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5 Responses

  1. Good luck with all of that! I told my husband if we get another cat or finally get a dog (which is what I really want) they will be older. No more kittens or puppies… forget that mess!

  2. I remember as if it were yesterday. And now I have this 7 year old dog who needs stairs to get into my bed, doesn’t like taking walks in the rain and sleeps right through the terror of having a mouse in my house. What good is she now? I do miss the playful pup but those fangs, squealing all night and ripping my house apart? Not so much. It does get easier though! Good luck!

  3. LOL batshit nutty. I remember when I was a kid and we got our first puppy. It will get better before you know it. Don’t worry, you will see the inside of your eyelids again.

  4. I burst out laughing at the crate full of barf as a result of the cottage cheese experiment! As if all the pee and poops weren’t enough. Hang in there, you’ll make it!

  5. my cousing is very good in giving dog trainings, my favorite puppy was trained by him~;”

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