That Thong Th Thong Thong Thong

rdin822l     Modesty?  What modesty?  Modesty’s for amateurs.  I gave that up about six years ago when two little tiny beings shot out from between my legs in front of a whole room of strangers.  Things that used to make me blush tend to roll right off my shoulders these days. When you never ever have even a fraction of a second of privacy, nudity no longer seems as big of a deal. However, as blase as I may have become over the years, I don’t really make it a practice of introducing myself to new people in my underwear.  

     Since I’ve been having such horrible back pain lately, I decided to bite the bullet and go see a doctor who specializes in sports medicine.  I wanted to be sure that whoever I saw wouldn’t tell me that I absolutely have to stop running.  This particular doctor happens to be part of a large group of doctors who apparently specialize in a lot of arthritis, since I appeared to be at least forty years younger than most everyone in the waiting room.  I seemed to be one of the few there who didn’t need a walker, cane or a hearing aid.  As is usual with any type of doctor’s office, I had to sit and wait for a good thirty minutes with all the rest of the old-timers who shouted at each other in lieu of actual conversations.  I was thrilled when they finally took me back to a room to get the party started.

     Since they first needed to do an x-ray, they told me to remove my clothes from the waist down (leaving on my underwear) and to put on an oh-so-lovely medical gown, which could not have been more heinous, with the opening to the back.  I had to walk through the entire clinic in this horrid gown, all the while clutching it together in the back so as to keep my derriere from making its debut in front of the whole office staff.  I managed to keep things under wrap all the way to and from the x-ray room.  Mission accomplished — for the time being, anyway.

     After I was put back in my little exam room, I then had to wait for the actual doctor to finally make an appearance.  It took F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!  I played on my phone, twittered a picture of my hideous gown, checked emails, and listened to my stomach growl as a reminder that it was not only way past my appointment time but also way past lunch. When the doc eventually rolled into the room, he had a series of assessments he needed to make in order to determine the best direction for treatment.  After a quick introduction, he asked me to stand up with my back to him, remove my gown, and bend over and touch my toes. Now, granted I WAS wearing underwear, but did I mention that I was actually wearing a thong?!  Nothing says “hello, nice to meet you” like mooning someone in a bright, fluorescent room.  Even for me, it was a little embarrassing.  I think I may have even felt my face turning pink.  I had to continue with the ass parade by bending side to side, twisting at the waist, standing on one foot, and then laying on my stomach.  The doctor got one hell of a show, I’m quite certain.  I’m not thinking too many of the other old fogies in the waiting room were wearing thongs for their examinations.

     So, it turns out that I have a degenerative disc in my lower back, and I now have to start physical therapy twice a week for at least a month.  I’ve had one session already, and luckily, I got to keep my pants on.  I’m hoping my days of doing thong yoga are behind me for now.

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19 Responses

  1. HAHAHA!! That’s awful but terribly funny! I never considered that it could be dangerous to wear a thong to the dr. I’m not sure he deserved the free show after keeping you waiting so long though. I get that he needed to see your spine but was it really necessary for you to be pantsless during the bending and stuff?? ~Susan

  2. Ohhh-a sports doctor. Might wanna check one out myself as lately I’ve been having horrible neck/shoulder pain. Feels like everything is in knots! I don’t want to stop running either but hubs thinks that pushing a double jogger with two 40lb twins might be a bit too much. Ehh-what does he know.

    So I will have to flash my panties? Hmmm…must make mental note to wear the biggest ugliest granny panties I own. HeeHeeHee. No Thong Show in the near future for this chick. *giggles* I can’t believe you had to bend in a thong. *giggles harder at the thought* Tell me..was it hard looking straight at him after the whole examination? *cracks up*

    Gosh I love reading your blog!!!!

  3. How frickin’ embarassing. I bet he couldn’t wait to tell the other doctors that he got a FREE SHOW! That is hilarious.

  4. I hand my *hand over mouth* during most of this reading. Bless your heart &…. Oh. Dear.

  5. Hate to admit it, but laughing my ass off.

  6. I remember taking my now 13 YO daughter for her kindergarten physical. When the nurse told her to strip to her underwear, my daughter got this weird look on her face. After the nurse left the room, my daughter whispers to me that she doesn’t have on any underwear. Of course it is absolutely hilarious now, but at the time I was horrified! What kind of mother lets her 5 year old run around without any underwear? I don’t remember what reason she gave for not wearing undies, but I stepped out and asked the nurse for a gown. My daughter really gave the doctor a show, and of course the doctor and nurse all had a good chuckle.

  7. you know he was telling all the other docs about it! that is hiliarous. better you though with your toned physique then some saggy old lady who thinks to wear a thong. i always play it safe when going to the doc and try my best to wear a more full coverage option. too funny!

  8. I hate to laugh because I would have been mortified but I’m sorry, that is freakin’ hilarious! 🙂

  9. Oh my gosh!!! I always wear thongs, and I have never even imagined that something like that could happen! How totally embarrassing. But hilarious. Thanks for sharing!!!

  10. Ouch!

    Smile knowing you totally made that guy’s afternoon!

  11. That must have been mortifying. I bet that doctor told everyone he ran into after that! What a hilarious story!

  12. OMG – ok, that is hilarious. I ended up in the ER once and it was a Friday. Bad day for laundry. As they were cutting my jeans off of me, I realized with horror that I was wearing underwear from my bachelorette party! There was literally 3 pieces of connected string that the doc got a nice eyeful.

  13. I have a feeling you were the talk of the doctors office once you left. LOL

  14. OMG, that’s too funny! I laughed myself to tears reading this. You can bet that I’ll be thinking about my underwear choice for my next doctor’s appoinment; thanks for the lesson.

  15. Loved reading this… Hysterical! At least for me! I’ll keep this in mind for my next appt although I don’t wear a thong these days since my 4yo daughter always interrogates me when I put one on as to why I would wear “undies” that give me such a “hermendous” (tremendous/horrendous) wedgie.

    Love your blog! Will be back!

    • Thanks for reading & for commenting! If you come back, you’ll see that I often have stupid things like this happen to me. And my 6 yo daughter is also always asking me why I want to wear wedgie underwear & when/if she’ll start wearing that kind. Never is my answer, of course!

  16. I bet you were the highlight of that doctor’s day, if all he usually sees are arthritic elderly folks. You probably gave him fantasy material for ‘later’. 🙂

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