The “Know It All” Mom


     We all know ’em.  There seems to be at least one in every circle, and there’s just no escaping them.  They wait until just the precise moment to spew their venom, and usually, it’s one of those times that you feel like you’re the lousiest parent on the planet when they choose to show their fangs. Yep, that’s right.  I’m talking about the “know-it-all” mom.  These women come in all shapes and sizes and seem to be on a mission to prove that they alone wrote the book on parenting.

     One form of this particular breed of mama is the self-proclaimed “go-to” lady.  She thinks she knows the answer to EVERYTHING.  You need a new car seat?  Well then, she’s the one who’s supposedly researched every single product on the market.  You need new baseball cleats for your son? She can tell you where to get the absolute best bargains in town.  Not sure about the cafeteria procedures for your first grader?  Well, she can spew off every little guideline ever created by the school administration.  She arrogantly feels that it is her duty to share her wealth of knowledge with all the other less-informed moms out there.

     Then there’s the ever-so annoying “one-upper” mama.  She’s the one that you dread breaking any news around because you know she’s just waiting to break some even more spectacular news of her own.  No matter what, she always has a better story to tell, regardless of how grueling or how amazing yours might be. Your daughter scored two goals in her soccer game?  Well, her daughter not only scored THREE goals but also won the game for her team. Your son fell and had to go to the emergency room to get six stitches on his forehead?  Her son had to get SEVEN stitches AND a sling for his arm. Your daughter is starting to recognize letters and sound out words in her books?  Her daughter started reading at the age of TWO.  She’s the mom to which you’d really rather not share your trials and tribulations because she’s only half listening.  The wheels in her head are spinning out of control trying to come up with something better than you.

     Then there’s the “you say yes, I say no” mama.  She disagrees with everything you say or do as a parent, and she’s not afraid to tell you and try to make you feel like an idiot in the process.  You get flu shots for your kids every school year?  She is an advocate for natural immunity and is horrified that you are apparently not.  You buy your kids M n’ M’s on occasion as a special treat?  She never gives her kids candy cause it rots their teeth.  You let your kids watch Nickelodeon and Noggin?  She bans t.v. altogether from her house because it corrupts the minds of her children. You stock up on Perdue dinosaur shaped nuggets every week? She only buys the over-priced organic tofu nuggets for her precious little ones. Whatever you’re doing as a parent is way below her standards of parenting, and she is more than happy to point this out.

     I seriously cannot understand these women for the life of me.  I mean, let’s be honest.  None of us really knows what the hell we’re doing with this whole parenting gig, do we?  Aren’t we all just making this crap up as we go along?  I can’t imagine having the audacity to tell another mom that what I’m doing is better than what she is doing. Quite frankly, what works for me is not necessarily gonna work for her.  And don’t we get beaten up enough by our own kids on a daily basis?  Do we really need to beat each other up too?  I say different strokes for different folks.  Let’s be glad we’re not all exactly alike and support each other instead.  Plus, that way we can be on the lookout for the stubborn “know it all” mom and take that bitch down as a united front!


29 Responses

  1. There is nothing worse than enduring one of those LONG school functions where you are being there for your kids and trying to enjoy watching them… when one of THOSE moms walks up and ruins all enjoyment! I get some sick satisfaction at playing with their minds. I hope they know I’m kidding with all those stories…

  2. I know i’m sure making up this crap as i go along. I’m know it all of NOTHING.

  3. Ugh I don’t have kids yet but I don’t like those people in general. Nobody is an expert on everything and they are the only ones who find themselves interesting. I’ve never understood that “catty” behavior so many women exhibit toward other women either, why can’t we all band together and help each other? This isn’t high school. 🙂 ~Susan

    • Amen, sister! Women have a hard enough time as it is — we to back each other up rather than push each other down.

  4. Love the post! I’m bring a pitchfork!

  5. What do you do when these kinds of moms are all wrapped up in one person, and that person is your sister-in-law? And she lives in the same town as you, and your husband (her brother) really values her opinion (though has vented to you so you know he agrees with you to some extent but hasn’t the balls to disagree with her in her presence)? And you’re forced to interact with her on a regular basis?

    What then?

    Oh, and the same person had a brain tumor last year and her husband, the only one working and GETTING THE HEALTH INSURANCE at the time got laid off (though thankfully got a job quickly despite the horrible economy)? So the woe and the one upping has an extra dimension of not wanting to disagree with her at all because it comes with an extra dose of kicking someone when they’re really down, and oh my hell that’s a lot for ANYONE to live through, even if you don’t like her much and don’t wish THAT much ill will on her at all.

    Yeah. I’m on board, but need a very savvy plan to counteract this phenomenon.

    Mostly I just shut my mouth.

  6. Nodding head empahtically in agreement. My favorite know it all mom moment was when I was at a friend’s for a playdate and we discuss my friend switching her daughter to forward facing a month before her first birthday. I am all, well it is probably okay because it is a month away and Sophia is huge and already over the weight limit and aren’t these things based on weight not age anyway, doesn’t that make more sense? Blah, blah, blah.

    My friend’s friend, Miss Know It All Mom whipped out her cell phone and called the Fire Department to assure us that her opinion was the right one. And yeah she was right. But really? Calling the FD so you can assure your friend that she is totally wrong? Having the FD on speed dial? Really?

  7. I agree–why are people such bitches?

    I had a neighbor who would “drop by” sometimes and, when she saw my 7 month old with a pacifier, she would just lean over and yank it out of her mouth and say “Oh, you don’t need that thing.”

    I wanted to smack the crap out of her.

  8. Ah yes, I just had my weekly run-in with the one-upper mama at my kids gymnastics classes. She is absolutely livid that my daughter was promoted up another class over her precious darling daughter who is younger but has been taking classes longer. As soon as she saw my daughter in the other class she marched right up to the coach and demanded an explanation. I had to laugh when the coach informed her that her daughter had “an attitude problem” and wouldn’t be promoted until she got over it. I wonder where she got it from?

  9. AMEN! That’s why for the most part I SEEM like a bitch because I just sit and observe. I find it’s easier to just watch and not open my mouth, lest I get slammed for MY way of parenting. And even after 4 kids, that hasn’t changed.

    • I think you are being the bigger person by doing that. My grandma always taught me that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

  10. LOVE it! The sad news is it doesn’t get better as the children get older. Mom’s of teens can be just as bad!

    • Ugh! I’m sure every stage has its own new set of self-proclaimed superior moms. Maybe by the time my kids are teenagers, I will have mastered the skill of letting it go in one ear & out the other.

  11. I’ve met that Know-It-All-Mom. She comes in many forms & disguises. Once she came to me as my MIL. Oh, she told me how when she was pregnant with her son she did this and that. During my active labor, she was very sure to tell me how fast she was able to deliver her son. Yes, then came all the critics when my daughter came along. “tsk tsk…when I had Robert I would/I would NEVER ….” . She also was disguised as that mom on the playground, you know…the one with a big smile greeting you warmly to suck you in like a fly to a venus fly-trap! Yes, I’ve met that Know-It-All.

  12. Oh man, DH’s ex is like this! We were friendly(kinda) at one point after she and DH split and before he and I met..ok it’s really complex but I’m not THAT woman…anyway we were pregnant at the same time, and she was a few month ahead OMG she once told me that I started lactating too early and I wouldn’t have milk to feed my child because it would be gone by birth..AND SHE WAS SERIOUS. She’s always doing better, one upping, knows more. Have you noticed it’s usually THOSE women who get caught drinking and driving or being neglectful?

    • Yes, they’re so busy worrying about everyone else, that they forget about their own parental responsibilities!

  13. LOL at Andrea. I’m so sorry girl!

    I was a know-it-all when I had 1 kid…or had 2 toddlers. My neighbor would shake her head, laugh, and say, “Just wait….”

    Boy was she right!! Now I know that I have almost 0 influence in my kids’ lives and even less control over what they do, say, or think. Don’t worry….I’ve gotten my own back. My younger sister (pregnant with her first) told me her kids would not turn out like mine (she has learned now too).

    And I had a friend’s daughter-in-law thoroughly anti-bacterialize some toys I handed down to her 1st kid (I had already given them a good going over). Let’s just all hope for these Moms that at some point they actually do LEARN that they know nothing. 🙂

    • Yes, maybe it just takes more time and more utter exhaustion for some moms to accept the fact that we’re all flying by the seat of our pants. Survival of the fittest, baby!

  14. OMG! Thank you for making my day with this article and all of your posts. I am not alone! I have to take a deep breath before I respond to these type of people. I have gotten myself into trouble with snappy comments. I finally developed a phrase, ” I will take that into advisement.” But, holy crap these people are so annoying! They rank right up there with the strangers who have got to touch your belly when you are pregnant. Or the ones who start with “When I was…..” and they reminisce when they were younger and had children.

    • I like the “I’ll take that under advisement” line! I’ll have to remember that one! My problem is that I usually think of something clever to say AFTER the fact. I just really can’t stand holier than thou people, especially when it comes to parenting.

  15. I knew one of those and bid her adieu a couple years ago. Apparently, because my daughter was adopted (at birth), I could not possibly know anything about how to care for her properly. Our kids were the same age and yet she kept giving me advice on everything from potty training to how to choose a proper winter coat. I never had the heart to tell her that just because her kid came out of her womb didn’t make her uniquely qualified to tell me how to take care of my kid. Now I feel kinda pissy just thinking about that chick again.

    • Sorry to dredge up the past! Sounds like you made the right decision to cut her out of your life. Why in the world would she think that she’s any better qualified to care for a child than you? Giving birth does not make you a mom. You have to earn that title by busting your ass day in & day out to love & protect your child. She clearly seems to high up on her high & mighty box to concentrate on her own parenting skills. Thanks for reading & for commenting!

  16. I had the privilege of knowing that irritating version of a mother. Her son was one year younger than my daughter and she hadn’t ever baby sat or even changed a diaper before having him. I not only had an older child, but I had taken care of kids for more than half of my life. She knew everything better than me. Everything was worse for her than ANY other mother on this planet. She was also the one upper as well. Everything irritated me about her. She was a SAHM even though they could not afford it but her husband had told her before they had a kid that the only way she could quit working was the have a kid… so she got pregnant. She did not want to work. Good reason to have a kid. I was a single mom for a long time with my daughters bio father being completely out of the picture. How about this mom had the audacity to tell me she felt like a single mom because her husband who worked two jobs told her one night he was sleeping on the couch so he could get some sleep and she had to get up with their son on her own. Seriously?
    Sorry to vent. Talking about her gets me riled up! lol
    Great blog!

    • Glad I gave you a venting place! It’s good to get it out! Those women bug the absolute crap out of me. Who is that woman to think she’s got anything over you?! Sounds like her priorities are all kinds of jacked up.

  17. I have recently stepped away from a “friendship” with a No it All mom like you describe (and believe me, I’ve seen my fair share of them, but this one takes the cake!). I’ve stepped back a bit, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much better I feel about myself and my kids and my life away for the toxic-ness of her. It has been very refreshing and empowering. I think I’ll keep it that way.

    I’m with you….

    Different strokes for different folks!

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