Signs of Parenthood


     When you become a parent, your whole world is turned upside down. What used to be sacred no longer holds the same kind of importance. Priorities change, and your focus shifts.  You learn to pick and choose your battles and let go of things that aren’t worth getting your panties all up in a bunch.  And as much as you’d like to think you aren’t just automatically catagorized as Mommy or Daddy, there are tell-tale signs and all kinds of red flags advertising that you are in fact someone’s procreator.  

     You know you’re a parent if:

  • You’ve walked around all day completely unaware that you have dried up snot on the sleeve of your left shoulder.
  • It is perfectly normal to have a pirate eye patch on the floor of your dining room.
  • Your grocery cart is filled with things like chicken nuggets and yogurt tubes.
  • You’re blaring The High School Musical soundtrack in your car without even realizing it.
  • There is a purple slingshot sitting smack dab in the middle of your kitchen table.  
  • Sleeping in to you is anything past 7:30 a.m.
  • You get excited to run an errand as long as you get to do it alone.
  • Your purse contains broken parts to REALLY old McDonald’s toys.
  • You have Webkinz tags piled up all around your computer keyboard.
  • Rainbow Goldfish are a staple in your pantry.
  • You call a penis a peeper and a vagina a hoo-hoo.
  • Juice boxes sit proudly next to the wine and beer in your fridge.
  • Time out no longer has anything to do with sports.
  • You’re like a walking TV Guide for every kid’s channel on t.v.
  • Nobody even bats an eye to the fact that there’s a pair of pink Dora underwear lying on your coffee table.
  • Caffeine is your very best friend in the whole entire world.
  • You could put together an afternoon snack with the crumbs and food remnants in your car.
  • You’d give up a pinky finger for a good, cheap babysitter.
  • Your DVD collection has everything from Pulp Fiction to Madagascar.
  • You no longer care that your blinds are covered with dust.
  • You can get up from a meal to wipe someone’s ass and go right back to eating without even a second thought.
  • Poop is always a popular topic of conversation.
  • You’ve forgotten what silence sounds like.
  • You spend WAY more time with your washing machine than you do with your friends.
  • You’re more worried about lice than you are about crabs.
  • You could doctor a boo-boo with your eyes closed.
  • You say things like boo-boo.
  • The best part of your day is when it’s over.
  • You love your little one(s) so much that your heart hurts.

31 Responses

  1. You’ve used spit to clean your child’s face

    You’ve locked yourself in the bathroom to get some quiet time

    You can talk on the phone, make dinner, put a bandaid on a boo boo and pour yourself a glass of wine all at once

    • Yes! All obvious signs! I’m sure everyone has a ton more to add. I love hearing them, so thanks for leaving a comment!

  2. Wait; there’s supposed to be beer and wine in my fridge? Really? Crap.

    Hell yes I lock myself in the bathroom to get alone time!

    You cannot walk in any room in the house, including your bedroom, without stepping on some sort of child’s toy.

    Laundry is done and you’re never caught up.

    • Oh, yeah, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom too & then I have to endure little fingers & feet peeping out from under the door trying to lure me out of there. And so w/ya on the toys everywhere thing — I often feel like our house is an obstacle course. And don’t even get me started on the laundry….

  3. Hahahahaha! Several of those definitely apply to me. My tolerance for poo is really quite astonishing.

  4. This is so weird!

    I’ve only recently found your blog but I swear you are me!!!

    The thoughts that are rattling randomly in my brain are appearing in words on this blog!!!!!!

    This post = story of my life at the moment!

  5. When you finally get out of the house for dinner and a
    drink with the girls and you realize you grabbed the diaper bag instead of your purse!

    • Ha ha! Yeah, I’ve left the house w/2 different shoes on because I was in such a hurry to finally get out w/some adults & away from the kids.

  6. You know you’re a parent when the cigarettes and extra panties in your purse have been replaced by Handy Wipes, benadryl (just in case!), tissues and a few lollipops for bribery!

    • Hilarious! Yeah, my purse is like the black hole. Never quite know what I’m gonna pull outta there….

  7. Great article. In my case it would have to be “You walk around with a permanent toothpaste mark on the left shoulder of your t-shirt”!

    • Yep, I get those too. I pretty much always have some type of smudge or smear somewhere on me at any given point in the day.

  8. You know you’re a parent when all the band-aids in your house are Sesame Street/Spongebob/Dora/etc. and you’re not embarrassed to walk around in public wearing one.

  9. For the ones with older kids:
    You know you’re a parent when-

    *Your kids stay out later than you.
    *You see today’s fashion on your kids and decide it’s O.K. to keep your old clothes
    *You see today’s fashion and remember wearing it the first time (20 years ago.)

    Shirley Cress Dudley, Blended & Step Family Coach

  10. I says things like “because I said so” , “if you don’t get off the roof of that shed you’re going to be sorry mister!” “Don’t put the cat in the freezer she doesn’t think its funny!” “Don’t put that in your nose!” “Please don’t fart on your sister!” and while on the phone “does this look like an earring???”

    Right now on my coffee table there is a Cookie Monster sock… just one, and my purse contains crayons, a hat, socks, a barbie and 8 pamphlets from the bank because the line for the ATM was long enough for her to forage.

    You hit the nail on the head with this one!!! Great job!!!

    • Thanks for the comments! I am so w/ya on the foraging thing — I always have random credit card applications & take-out menus scattered in my car that my kids have swiped from somewhere along the way when I’m not looking.

  11. You tell other adults to excuse you because you need to “go potty”.

  12. The pink underwear on the coffee table one made me laugh out loud. I think we may have pink underwear on TWO coffee tables right now.

    The first one needs “part b” though. It should read:
    You’ve walked around all day completely AWARE that you have dried up snot on the sleeve of your left shoulder, and you just don’t care.

  13. * When you reach in your coat pocket for change for the parking meter and you find sucker wrappers, rocks, and a binky.

    * You have a bucket in your garage just for all the nature “gifts” from your kids

    * You tell your kids to play a game called “who can be quiet the longest” and you aren’t kidding.

    * You consider if it’s really SO BAD to get the kids a tv for their room because then you wouldn’t have to see Dora again.

    * You say things like “Son, please don’t lick the driveway” and “Fish sticks go in your mouth not in your nose”

    * You know the pro’s and con’s of each brand of fruit snack and can identify the characters on site.

    • Ha ha! I loved the “Son, please don’t lick the driveway!” I’ve actually muttered the words, “Please don’t lick Mommy” just this week myself! And we play that quiet game whenever possible! Thanks for sharing & for reading! 🙂

  14. Love this list! Here’s a few more. 🙂 You know you’re a parent when…

    …you’re always accompanied into the stall of a public restroom and keep saying things like, “Don’t pick that up or touch that!” “Don’t look under there!” “Get up off the floor!”

    …you start making up your own expletives like “fu…dge” or “cra…yola” or “shi…ver-me-timbers” or “sugarplums” or “son-of-a-biscuit-eater” to replace the more inappropriate ones.

    …the words “pee” and “poop” enter into your normal vocabulary and you don’t think twice about using them in front of anyone (boss included)!

    …you wish your children had never learned how to say, “Mom!!” and you immediately roll your eyes and heave a huge sigh thinking, “Now what?” when you do hear it.

    …you think it’s alright to bring company w/you on an interview because you have no one to babysit. (see my site for that story!) 🙂 I’d never dream of doing that B.C. (Before Children)!

    I’m sure I’ll think of more. LOL What fun! Great post, mama – Thanks for the laughs.

    • Ha ha! Thanks for all the great additions! Can so relate to your one about the public restroom (actually blogged about that before). I have to mumble things like, “No, Mommy’s not going poop!” And the “Mom!” calling — I was just thinking about changing my name tonight because I’ve heard that word 10,000 times today. I’m considering “Creator” or “Boss” — what do you think? 🙂

      I’ll definitely have to check out your site about the interview accompanied by little people. Too funny!

  15. I found myself nodding at all of these having had plenty of experience in all of them. You know you’re a parent when

    -you say “I’m the Mom, so I decide” at least twice a week
    -“because I said so” is always a big favourite
    -you actually miss the bickering in the back seat on those rare occasions that you get out by yourself; just to damned quiet
    -you know every Family Channel star by name and can sing the opening theme song for all the shows.

    • Thanks for adding to the fun! I have personally used the “because I said so” phrase no less than five times today alone!

  16. This is a fantastic post! Love it. I laughed the whole way through. I have had the pleasure of being at home with sick kids this week and my 3-year old (who isn’t that sick) has been pushing my buttons. SHOCK! Today I said:
    … “I’m the mommy, right? That means I’m the boss.”
    … “No, you can’t put blankets over the baby’s head to make her go away. That’s not OK!”
    … “please stop putting the DVDs in the toilet.”
    … I sent my husband an email BEGGING him to bring home milk & wine after work. We could forego food for the night, but we all needed a drink!
    … I promised to change all diapers for the next 3 weeks if I can ‘sleep in’ until 7 tomorrow.

    And I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything!
    Thanks again for the humor!

    • Thanks for the additions, Carrie! I love the one about DVDs in the toilet! I just yelled, “please don’t shoot Mommy in the boob” the other day — Nerf guns are going to be the death of me! Hope your little one is feeling better!

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