Will Sleep For Money

     three_next_temper_tantrum_in_only_three_minut_tshirt-p2355098776313683593sge_400[1]     I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, “Who peed in your coffee this morning?”  Well, yesterday, I was wondering who peed in my daughter’s Cocoa Puffs.  The child seriously must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed because she was all kinds of Grumpy with a capital “G”.  I’m sure it has everything to do with the fact that she has decided that sleeping in the same room with her brother at Grammy’s house equals party time.  She is utterly exhausted from staying up WAY past everyone’s bedtimes (including mine!)  If she wasn’t just six years old, I’d swear she was PMS’ing.

     Both Grammy and Bumpa had to work today, so I was the one-woman entertainment show for the day.  Yay, me!  So, the first major meltdown of the day was a result of her not wanting to go on a bike ride.  I know, what a bitch I am to force my two children (who just so happen to LOVE riding their bikes) to go on a bike ride.  Lock me up and call DCFS because I’m a horrible excuse for a mother.  There were tears, there was pouting, there was kicking.  Finally, I was able to bribe her into going along with the promise of rainbow-colored Goldfish (which seem to work wonders in our house).  And low and behold, she actually had an absolute blast once I got her out of her little funk.  Who woulda thunk it??!!

     The next major tantrum came later on in the afternoon with the suggestion of playing a game of badminton in Grammy’s backyard.  Well, I could not have picked a more aggravating game for her (AND ME!), because she bitched and moaned THE ENTIRE TIME we attempted to play.  It made her uber-mad that she couldn’t hit the birdie where she wanted, and she once again transformed into Wendy Whiner.  I tried and tried to help her and give her pointers, but trying to communicate with an overly tired six year old is all but a wasted use of breath.  I’m sure the neighbors were doing the happy dance when I finally sent her inside for a time out. 

     When she was released from time out, all hell broke lose.  She must’ve been sitting inside concocting ways to totally get my goat, because she decided to go outside and whack her brother right in the face with the swing, which then resulted in him throwing the swing smack dab at her face.  As I stood in the kitchen wishing I was on a deserted island by myself, I could hear both kids screaming and yelling at each other in the backyard.  I decided that I had no other choice but to face the fact that these two hoodlums really did belong to me.  Both kids were sent into two separate rooms for yet ANOTHER time out.  Seriously, how many time outs could I shell out in one day??!!  I kept glancing at the clock to see if it was anywhere close to happy hour yet.  I was losing any last bit of patience with each passing minute. 

     When Grammy finally came home from work, I passed over my referee whistle and went out for a run, because I honestly couldn’t stand to spend another second listening to the moans and groans.  I figured that Grammy’s one-woman show would certainly be more entertaining than mine.  Apparently, I was wrong, because when I returned, both kids had been sent to their umpteenth time out for the day for using badminton rackets as weapons when Grammy wasn’t looking.  I was speechless as I stood listening to the story, partly from frustration and partly from exhaustion.  Who were these children, and where was my wine??!!

     When we finally put them to bed, Bumpa actually agreed to pay them fifty cents if they were quiet and went right to sleep without any goofing around.  Much to my utter disbelief, it actually worked!  Some people WILL WORK FOR MONEY, but I guess my children WILL SLEEP FOR MONEY!!  Who knew??!!  Hell, now that I know that about this little gem of a bribe, my twins might just be able to save up enough to take me out for a nice sushi dinner before they start school in a couple of weeks….


5 Responses

  1. Love it! I nodded the whole way thru that post as I have 7YO & 4YO sons! They’re usually very good, but on the days they don’t get enough sleep, my 7YO can be really whiney while 4YO tries to annoy him and me as much as he possbly can! Fun times, right! Thank goodness for wine! =)

  2. I skip right over time-out and go straight to mandatory nap time. My husband used to get upset saying the kids were too old for naps, but Moms know that sometimes nothing is going to work except the sleep that they missed.

    (please note that even this does not always work….sometimes they are just rotten little imps and there’s nothing you can do but hope that the next day they have magically changed)

    • I keep hoping for a miracle with each day that goes by this week, and still, they are just nothing but little shits! They’re driving me off my rocker!

  3. You got shovels? bubbles? chalk? Sometimes if they have a project* (does not have to be major…can be “let’s dig a really big hole in Grammy’s flower bed”) they work a little better together & don’t whine as much.

    • Yes, Grammy may need to come up with one of her manual labor projects today to keep the fighting to a minimum. Thank the Lord that she’s off work today & can help me referee!

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