My Little Pisser


      Wonders, especially my twins, never cease to amaze me.  I swear, just when I think I might have seen it all, my kids go and do something that once again makes me stop dead in my tracks. Yesterday at the beach, my daughter did something that made me contemplate whether anyone can truly know what goes on inside the mind of a six year old.  

     As I was chatting with the nannies of my kids’ friends down by the water, my kids decided they wanted to go up to the beach playground.  Typically, this has never proven to be a problem in the past.  They play tag, they dig holes, and they do what kids do. Apparently, though, my daughter decided to do something that I wasn’t aware that kids do.  I was in the middle of a conversation when one of my daughter’s friends came running back from the playground to report the big story of the day.  

     It’s become a common little game amongst our possy of six year olds to steal the Cubs’ baseball cap of this one little boy in particular. It then turns into a game of keep away, whereby everyone is trying to steal the hat and run.  The owner of this hat just so happens to be the boy that my daughter has declared is her boyfriend., and for reasons unbeknownst to me, my sweet little innocent daughter, took it upon herself to steal the hat and pee in the freaking thing!  Yes, you read that correctly, and your eyes are not deceiving you.  She took the hat and used it as her own personal toilet.  I mean, seriously, what the??!! As soon as I was finally able to wrap my mind around the story that my daughter’s friend had just reported, I stomped my way on up to the playground to have a word with my little cap pisser.

     When I called my daughter over to me, I was a little surprised to see that Cubs hat boy was following right along behind her.  I tried to focus my attention on my daughter and the reason for this insane behavior, but I was having a hard time not being distracted by the fact that the kid was still wearing the pee–soaked hat!!  I asked him if he had at least rinsed the thing, and he claimed that he did.  Still, though, I would be washing that thing on super wash in scalding hot water if it were me!  

     I made my daughter come and sit back on the towel for a time-out next to me.  I wasn’t really sure what type of punishment this type of incident even warranted.  I was so flabbergasted as to what on earth possessed my child to do such a thing. We most certainly do not make it a habit to pee in other people’s clothing in our household, so I don’t know exactly where she even got the idea in the first place.  I finally got her to admit to me that she thought it would be funny. Honestly, I was just speechless.  This is something that a freaking frat boy does, not something you’d expect to see a cute little kindergarten graduate demonstrating.  I’m quite sure that this was not in the owner’s manual that came with my babies when they were born.  

     Because the new puppy was the biggest piece of collateral I could think of at that moment, I warned her that this was her first major strike against her and the quest to bring a dog into the family.  Three strikes equal no dog.  She knows I’m extremely disappointed in her behavior, but I think the dog threat is my best bargaining tool at this point.  Truth be told, I have to just make this crap up as I go, because who wakes up and thinks to herself, “Hmmm…I wonder how I can punish my kid for pissing in someone’s hat today?”


5 Responses

  1. LOL maybe the kid asked her to do it- like he has an early pee fetish or something?!

  2. One of my first sleepovers, my friend’s little brother peed in my suitcase. When his mom asked him why, he said he was mad because we got to sleep in the little tent they had set up in his room and he had wanted to.

    This kid just turned 31…..and his sister posted the memory of this on his FB wall (on his birthday). Too funny.

    • That is hilarious! I don’t know why, but I can see a boy doing this much easier than I can see a girl doing it. Maybe it’s the whole issue of them being able to aim their pee better or something….

  3. I thought she was a cute little kisser. Little did I know that she is a little pisser!!

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