Laundry Booty

2006-08-11     When I open the door to the washing machine after finishing a load, I’m never quite sure what I’ll find in addition to the clothes.  It seems that my family has a nasty habit of shoving things in their pockets and not removing them before putting them in the dirty clothes.  I have found all kinds of random stash, all of which most certainly does not belong inside a pile of clean clothes.

     My husband is usually guilty of a piggy bank’s worth of coins stuffed in his pants’ pockets.  My kids then fight over who is the so-called “finder-keeper” of the spare change.  He’s also been known to leave business cards and golf tees in his pockets, as well as the occasional piece of gum or candy. The one that probably infuriated me the most was when he left a tube of lip balm in his pants that later melted in the dryer, creating huge grease stains all over a pair of my Juicy sweatpants — SOOOOO NOT COOL.

     My daughter’s usual hoarded item is wadded up Kleenex.  As most of you know, the washer does a serious number on destroying these said tissues and picking off all the teensy, tiny pieces that get stuck to EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF CLOTHING is not really what I consider to be a good time. My son is even worse about cramming his pockets full of oddball little “treasures.”  I’ve found dead bugs, rocks, grass, seashells, crab apples, and remnants of what used to be leaves scattered throughout my washing machine.  

     I thought I’d seen it all, but yesterday, I found yet another foreigner in my otherwise clean load of clothes.  As I was transferring the wet clothes to the dryer, little berries kept tumbling out onto the floor.  They looked like little green peas and seemed to be multiplying right before my eyes.  Some of them were connected by a stem in a bunch, but many of them were just single berries that ended up covering my floor.  What the hell were these stupid things and where in the world did they come from?  My son, of course, played the oblivion card and acted like he’d never seen them before, but my daughter, little Miss Tattle-Tale herself, told me that he’d picked them from the park at camp and filled the pockets of his swim trunks with them to bring home.  And, lucky me, I got to spend the next twenty minutes picking them out of every crevice of my laundry room area.

     I know what you’re thinking — why the hell don’t you just check everybody’s pockets BEFORE you throw them in the wash, lady?  Are you nucking futs or what?   The answer, as you well know, is yes, I am!  But, also, in my defense, I have an unbearable amount of laundry to do on a daily basis and simply don’t have the time, or quite frankly, the desire to check every piece of clothing.  I’m just too tired for all that.  So, I guess I’ll continue to be surprised about the random pieces of crap that come flying out of my washing machine.  My world is just so full of wonder and awe, isn’t it??!!


6 Responses

  1. A little while back I opened my washer to find all the white underwear, socks, and washcloths were now pink!!.

    There were no red clothes in the load & I finally found the point of origin (I always feel like an arson investigator) was a pair of my son’s shorts with a dark pink stain covering one whole pocket. Then it dawned on me: my son loves modeling clay but the one BIG rule is that I don’t want it smashed into my carpet…….so he must have picked up some red modeling clay off the carpet & put it in his pocket?!?! Ugh. Yea for bleach!

    • Oh, man — playdoh??!! I, for one, despise playdoh anyway. I have decided it is an “outdoor” toy because I detest trying to pick up all the thousands of little clumps that inevitably fall to the ground. I can’t imagine how much of a pain it would be to deal with it in the laundry — ugh!

  2. One of my first blog posts was about the whole lip gloss thing…
    a few years ago, NAIL POLISH went through the washer and dryer and ruined ALL of our families jeans! After following tip after tip after insane tip… what worked (semi-worked) … OVEN CLEANER! WHO KNEW! What it didn’t ruin, it worked on!
    For nail polish… nothing worked…
    I did check all pockets… until my daughter informed me she hides things in her own made up pockets… hems of clothes, the little places in girls clothes that make imaginary pockets. Now… I give up!

    • Oh, geez — that must’ve been a nightmare! And how ironic that the lipgloss didn’t get on any of the guilty party’s clothing…. Nail polish would have been even more of a headache. Wow, I have so much more to look forward to, don’t I??!!

  3. no…he’s advanced from play-do to actual clay and makes little people. Eventually he wants me to buy the kind you can bake & set.

  4. We got us a big-ass washer and dryer so we don’t do laundry every day, but maybe 3-4 times a week for our family of 7. As far as money goes – whoever is doing the laundry and finds it, keeps it!

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