She Calls It Like She Smells It

So, exactly how many times do my kids plan on embarrassing the crap out of me in public during my lifetime?  I don’t know why I ever even bother wearing blush on my cheeks because my kids never fail to make me red in the face, somehow or some way.  I took my daughter with me this afternoon to buy a new hairdryer at Ulta 3, which apparently doesn’t understand the benefits of hiring more than one cashier.  Needless to say, the line to check out was out the ass. As we waited in line, the older lady in front of me decided it was perfectly acceptable to blow some extremely foul gas right our way. No apologizes, no excuses, just a straight path of rancid air shot right in our direction.  Now, as an adult, I know to just hold my breath and silently curse this lady in my head.  My six-year-old daughter, however, does not understand the rules of society, and very loudly announced to the entire line, “Oh, NASTY!  Somebody farted and it smells DISGUSTING!”, as she held her nose and ran to another spot in the store. As the whole line turned to blame me for the putrid smell, I just smiled and tried to keep my head down.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there, because, clearly, this lady wasn’t owning up to it. The woman had no shame — it’s Earth Week, for the love of Pete!  As if we need any more environmental pollution….



3 Responses

  1. Hilarous. And according to the “you smelt it, you delt it; you denied it you supplied it” rule, you didn’t have a chance.

    • Yeah, I was oh so thankful to Miss Pollutant old lady for her thoughtful “passing of the torch,” if you will….

  2. LOL! You’re a better woman than me. I don’t think I could’ve accepted the blame for it. I probably would’ve said “it’s not me. I didn’t do it.” Thanks for the laugh. A.

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