Lately, I’ve been having even more brain farts than usual. I know — that’s probably hard to believe, huh? Well, it’s actually very true. You see, I’ve recently worn my thong sideways, put the orange juice in the pantry, and searched all over for my keys that were still in the front door. I’ve been blaming it on my kids and how much they stretch my mind in so many different directions, what with their 10,000 different questions per minute and all. But sometimes, I really think I only have myself to blame for my temporary acts of stupidity. Take for example, last Friday when I completely forgot my car of all things.
I had volunteered to help in my son’s classroom in the afternoon, and since I was naturally running late (remember, I will be late for my own death), I opted to drive over to school. I parked just down the street and rushed inside to help the kids with a little gardening project. By the time we’d wrapped up the project and the dismissal bell had rung, I could think of nothing else but locating my two kids and the friends they’d invited over for a playdate after school. Since I was the person responsible for collecting and depositing these four short people safely to my house, my brain was fixated on this and this alone. (Car? What car?)
We took our sweet old time enjoying the leisurely walk home in the gorgeous afternoon weather while the kids picked weeds and chased each other and I chatted with other moms along the way. I smiled to myself at just how under control I had things. Piece o’ cake.
When we got to our front porch and I glanced into the street, I noticed that my car wasn’t there. WTF?! For a split second, I actually allowed my stupid self to wonder if the friggin’ thing had been stolen. And then my brain ripped a big old fart in a moment of clarity. Oh shit! I’d left the damn thing all the way back at school! To say I felt like a moron would have been a bit of an understatement. No, what I felt like was Chrissy Snow, minus the ginormous flopping bra-less boobs.
I talked a neighborhood girl into coming over to stay with the kids while I ran back over to school and drove my dumb ass back home. I tried to rationalize it by telling myself that I’d just gotten over a horrendous cold and had just eased back into the land of the living. Still, though, how do you forget your flipping CAR?! That’s just pathetic. I need to start stocking up on blueberries or some other kind of brain food cause my family’s gonna ship me off to the old folks’ home soon if I don’t shape up.
** So tell me about one of your brain farts! Don’t let me feel all alone in my senior moment here please…. **