Have u met my family room sofa? You know, that one whose piping is poking out the edges, whose cushions are covered with water stains and whose edges are all frayed along the skirt? Yes, I’m talking about the one that’s too shitty to even be considered for a fraternity house. Let me refresh your memory:
Pretty freaking attractive, eh? And I’m sure you noticed that goatdog has oh-so-strategically placed himself right in the middle of the hunk o’ junk. So, what’s a person to do? The way I saw it, I had but two choices. I could either: a.) roll in a dozen kegs and throw a big-ass toga party or b.) bite the bullet and go furniture shopping. And as tempting as option a.) sounded, I decided to go with option b.)
Now I don’t know about you, but I liken furniture stores to car dealerships. The salesmen are all strategically placed at the entrance ready to pounce on the next unsuspecting customer who strolls through the front door. It’s truly a total and complete crapshoot as to what type of salesman you’re gonna get, too. And wouldn’t you know that nine times out of ten, we end up with the biggest doofus of the bunch. So, naturally, when we began our search for a new sofa over this past weekend, we sure enough ended up with the douche of all douches.
This clueless wonder looked eerily similar to Penn from Penn & Teller. And I’m sorry, but cracking my ass up at a comedy club is WAY different than trying to redesign my family room. Call me crazy, but it’s a little hard to take you and your knowledge of “style” seriously when you look like this:
No matter how many times I told this yahoo that I have a French Country-themed home, he continued to pull out everything from Asian-inspired prints to shit I would’ve seen in my eighty-eight year old grandma’s house. The dude was so unbelievably moronic when it came to listening to his customer’s needs, that he talked more about his damn cat than he did about the right sofa for my family. I had to grit my teeth so much just to get through the whole process that I was sure I’d need dentures when we finally left the place.
So I ask you — what DO you do in this situation? Do you ask for another sales associate? Do you tell the guy that he sucks and wouldn’t even be able to sell a cup of lemonade at a frickin’ lemonade stand? Or do you do what I do and simply go to another store altogether?
** What IS the protocol for obnoxiously annoying salesman???? **