The Pussy Poem

     I’ve had to read a lot of stupid shit to my kids throughout the years, but the other night set an all new record for stupid.  You can probably just imagine my shock when my daughter asked me to read a poem in her Ladybug magazine called, “I Love Little Pussy.”  Yes, you read that correctly.  I said pussy, and I literally about spit my Diet Coke right out of my nose at just the title alone.  I didn’t know whether to be horrified or humored. 

    So, here is the poem in its entirety:

     Ok, sure, there’s a picture of a cat on the page, leading us to assume that “pussy” does, in fact, refer to this little girl’s pet feline.  However, I don’t know a single flipping soul who refers to a damn cat as a “pussy.”  Do you?!  And then it goes on to talk about her coat being so warm?!  Now, maybe I just have a mind that hangs out in the gutter, but I couldn’t help but think of pubes when I first read this line.  Come on — you know you did, too!  And to top it all off, it ends with talk of gently playing with the pussy?  Now how do you NOT bust into hysterics at that particular analogy?  The va-jay-jay  is a delicate flower, you know.    

     So, after scanning this lovely little gem of a rhyme in my head, I somehow had to pull it together and read it to my daughter with not only sincerity, but also with both enthusiasm and interest.  I honestly had no clue how I was gonna get through it without laughing my ass off in the process.  I mean, seriously, how do you talk about loving pussy without giggling at least just a little bit?  Through nothing short of a miracle on earth, I was somehow able to recite the whole twisted tale without rolling on the floor in hysterics.  It turns out that I have amazing self-control when push comes to shove.  I just have to cross my fingers that she doesn’t go to school and ask to check out a book about pussies from the library.  That might just prompt a very awkward parent-teacher sit-down.

25 Responses

  1. Dontcha just love Mother Goose (who was probably a man)? The editors @ Ladybug either have a wry sense of humor, are clueless (poor souls) or just plain evil.

    • I’m guessing the editors are clueless. Some of the shit that’s in that magazine is just downright stupid. My dog could write better stories.

  2. Are the editors of that magazine clueless??!! Surely they couldn’t have totally run out of content.
    Congrats on making it through … now uncross your fingers … and you know where I am going with this one….

  3. When you tweeted about this the other night I almost DIED. I have never laughed harder and there is no way that I could’ve read that without rolling in hysterics. Either my mind is in the gutter with yours or that poem is just wrong. I vote for the latter!

  4. Seriously!!!! That had to be a joke submission to the magazine by some goofy teenagers – right?!?

  5. I would probably have burst into laughter right there, prompting my little one to pose questions. And honestly, I would have answered WHY mommy was laughing so hard. That words are used for many different things and this so happens to be one that just doesn’t fit in a world filled with cows jumping over moons or spoons and dishes going on dates. And thankfully, my little one has NEVER had to bring home something like that, because I just never know when to stop talking out of nerves.

    Kudos to you for braving it out as a good mama!

    • Thank you. It was one of those moments that surely helped me earn some points with the big man upstairs. At least that’s what I’m telling myself anyway….

  6. Thank you! Now I’m singing “My pussy brings all the felines in the yard and they’re like It’s better then yours. Damn right, It’s better then yours.” Now for the musical ! This will be the X rated version of “Cats”

  7. Belly laugh times 10. This definitely deserves a tweet! It’s hump day (excuse the pun that goes along with the story) and I’m sure everyone needs a little uplifting!

  8. that is priceless. I bet someone got a real kick out of adding that to the magazine. Kind of like the Disney animators who add sexual innuendo into the movies…or that guy at the end of Teen Wolf who exposes himself (seriously, go you tube it)

  9. Oh my freaking goodness!! I am laughing so hard right now… And feeling a tad bit tittilated at the same time. Unbelievable. I soooo want this book!

  10. Is the companion story about snakes in the grass?? If so, I wanna go back to school!

    LOL

  11. LOL You just made my day! I laughed so hard I couldn’t hardly breath!

  12. I’m in love with your humor. It’s so elementary on a deep level and so me.

  13. Being British this nursery rhyme is not unknown to me, nor my kids!
    And um, yes, we do refer to a cat as a pussy cat, with full irony intact.

  14. That’s from a time gone by.

    I knew that poem when I was a child.

    I grew up knowing that a pussy was a furry creature with claws. It was only when I was older I learned that pussy could also refer to a different furry creature!

  15. I have heard this poem before as well. Think I learned it as a child. It is in a nursery rhyme book we have at the house. Though I hadn’t heard it in a long time. Seeing it from your point of view will make it difficult to keep my mind out of the gutter when/if I hear it again!!! lol

  16. Howdy, nice day! Your work is extremely striking. I never thought that it was possible to accomplish something like that until after I read your post. You definitely gave an incredible understanding on how this kind of whole process functions. I will make sure to come back for more information. Thanks!

  17. I don’t think I could have read that poem.

    • Trust me, it wasn’t easy to get through that poem without busting into hysterics. I think I deserve a medal or at least a shot of vodka or something, don’t you?! ;-)

  18. Heya i got to your site by mistake when i was searching bing for something off topic here but i do have say your site is really helpful, like the theme and the content on here…so thanks for me procrastinating from my previous task, lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 95 other followers

%d bloggers like this: