Hi, my name is Nucking Futs Mama, and I’m a Mario Kart-aholic. Yep, that’s right; you heard me correctly. I’ve been told that the first step is admitting that I have a problem, so here’s me spilling my beans. Now, personally, I don’t think I’m really an addict — I certainly don’t depend on it like I do air or wine. However, it’s become apparent to me that I might just be a teensy weensy bit obsessed with it.
I honestly had no expectations whatsoever about the thrills and frills this stupid game would bring me when we bought it for our kids for Christmas. I typically could care less about video games and just let the kids man the controls. However, this one seems to have that certain something that makes me want to play it any and every possible time I can. And the kids? They LOVE that their mama wants to play video games with them, especially because I am not necessarily the most stellar player. In fact, I actually kinda suck at it. Sure, I might be the queen of crashing, and sure, my kids tend to beat me almost every single time they play me. Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride though, cause I still try like hell to drive the shit outta those race courses. My favorite thing to do is the “Coin Battle” — I totally get off on collecting those little gold coins. I even hear the “ding-ding” of those damn coins in my head at night when I sleep.
And I’m constantly hitting the kids up for a quick game here or there. I’ve spent entire afternoons letting laundry and dishes pile up all around me as the kids and I steer our speed mobiles around curve after curve. I even stayed up until one in the morning one Saturday night playing it after my hubby fell asleep on the couch next to me. (Don’t you dare judge me!) However, it didn’t occur to me that I might have a problem until I found myself so overcome with a craving for a coin battle that I actually broke down and played a few rounds by myself while the kids were at school one day. I got about halfway through my third battle when I realized what I was doing. Here I was, a full-grown thirty-something year old woman playing Mario Kart in the middle of the damn day all by my lonesome. Was this my rock bottom?
I went for several days without even touching a Wii controller, just trying to test my will-power. And then this past weekend, my son decided to play nothing but Super Mario Brothers — no Mario Kart whatsoever. I felt shaky, and my head hurt, and my mouth felt like cotton. I was light-headed and dizzy and even a bit delusional. I was clearly suffering from withdrawal, and I realized that I had to snap out of my video game funk. Today, I’m proud to say that I am five days sober from the Mario Kart. It’s gonna be a long, hard road ahead of me, but I plan to just take it one day at a time. I am strong, and I can beat this thing. It works if you work it, right?